Breathe and Believe

On February 12, 2021February 12, 2021 By AngeliaIn Angels among UsLeave a comment

Breathe and Believe.

This is a phrase I have repeated to myself many times during this pandemic. Life upended when news of the virus broke out but most especially in the travel industry where I built my career. Business travel came to a stand still. This wasn’t the first time. Change happens in travel and when it does this is what we do. Breathe in, breathe out, and breathe through, and believe with every fiber of our being that challenges do not last forever. We can use this time to strengthen and empower ourselves to endure our hurdles. We will adapt to the new way, whatever that is, and come out the other side more resilient than ever. Our ability to progress and move through difficulty is what our industry does best.

Breathe and Believe.

These words had new meaning for me as my sister, Deedy Breaux, fought Covid-19 pneumonia in the Clearlake Methodist ICU. I had to tell my self. Have faith! DO NOT GIVE UP! The longest night of my 2020 was not in March when travel went quiet. It was the cold night of November 19^th as I awaited news of my sister’s fate. I knew it was very dire; a deadly virus, a caring nurse, and a DNR directive. This hero who dedicated herself to every child she cared for in one of the largest children’s hospitals in the state of Texas lay fighting all alone. It hit me in the gut. It forced me to my knees. I knew. I just knew she could be on her last breath. I prayed she’d wore enough PPE to reduce the viral load at exposure. I hoped the experimental treatments responded in her blood. The last words I heard from her by text said “I can’t even get enough air to cough. I love you so much. Don’t stop praying for me.”

Breathe and Believe.

It’s all we have. It’s all we need.

My sister survived when others have not. Her healing a Godsend we all needed. A happy ending we had to know was possible. The travel industry will survive as well. As we pass through these days into the next part of history. Let us all remember to have faith. Walk in whatever spiritual peace you are in. Take care of your health. Find joy in all you do. Laugh every day. But most of all…

Breathe and Believe.

Recovery is here! Get your vaccine as soon as you can. Share the hope the vaccine brings to our loved ones and to all those who love to travel.

My sister’s story was published by the Texas Children’s Hospital blog. It is an incredible story of a modern-day miracle.

Read and Believe. We are almost there.

Machine generated alternative text:
My COVID-19 survival story: Why you should get the
COVID-19 vaccine
January 26, 2021

https://www.texaschildrens.org/blog/my-covid-19-survival-story-why-you-should-get-covid-19-vaccine

When They Hurt, I Hurt

On January 31, 2019 By AngeliaIn In the lives of children, Into the Blender we go- Wee!9 Comments

I have four beautiful daughters. One is my blood, two are step, and one is grand.

There is something to be said about being a mother and having children. All the sudden your heart is walking outside your body. You will do anything to protect them – from heartbreak, disappointment, loss, fear, and confusion. This need to cover them from darkness is so fierce it’s hard.

So hard to let them go and watch them understand the ways of the world – some of the worst ways. The super hard ways. How people will disappoint them. Friends will turn on them. Troubles will come and go. When there are rights and wrongs, there is indifference too. Some whys we will never understand.

Your heart explodes because they are learning the way you learned. The hard way. The harsh way. The people will let you down way.

And I still want to fight for them. So what if the world can be cruel. I am still on their side. I will fight when they are hurt. When they hurt, I hurt.

My bonus girls are now 12 and 14.

I know. I know. Just yesterday they were 2 and 4. So wittle. So chubby. So very magical. And now they are dang near grown. No more chub chub cheeks or a thousand questions. But still my kids. So you know what I mean when I say I don’t want them to hurt. This is the age when the hard truth of adulthood starts to slap them around a bit. Junior High and High School? Talk about waking up from being an innocent kid. Those are the years!

And this December was another harsh jar to their childhood. Their mother disappeared for 30 days. She did not tell the girls much. She only talked to my husband. I heard her say, “It sucks. It’s bad timing.” But that’s it. No I am sorry. No forgive me. No explanation to the girls other than she was in the “hospital”. She wasn’t. We knew that from reverse number look up. But no way to tell the girls about that. It’s not our place especially since we were not even supposed to know. But it is what it is.

Except.. this hurt my children. My bonus babes. My sweet, loving girls. To have their mother vanish. During Christmas and New Year’s no less.

Now don’t get me wrong. My husband and I loved it. We got to have an unexpected month long visit. Our whole family together and during the holidays! So this was fantastic for us.

But….what about the girls? Young girls that need their Mom. Yeah, Dad is great. Stepmom is nice. But your mom is your MOM. And I know exactly what it’s like to have her gone. It hurts. When they hurt, I hurt.

December was joyful. December was awful. I felt more sick for the girls as each day passed (even into January). I still have pains for them. But I know they are young and they heal quick. She is back and all is the way it was before (I guess).

She hasn’t really talked to us about it. She came back and that was it. I guess I am having a harder time getting over it than they are. I don’t need to know all the gritty details. I don’t even want to know. I just want to hear an I’m Sorry.

I’m sorry I hurt my children. I am sorry I had to do what I had to do. I am sorry I can’t open up about it. I am sorry I have to treat you like strangers.

And what about Thank you? Thank you for keeping the girls. Thank you for caring for them when I couldn’t. Thank for being there at Christmas. Thank your for holding them while they cried on New Years Day for their mother.

I know. I am asking too much. Demanding too much. I have no right.

But someone has to stand for these children. Someone has to fight.

I will always be there for my family. For my kids. For my husband.

I can’t be sorry for that……and I won’t. Because this isn’t about me or how I want someone to act. This is about two precious girls who shouldn’t have to feel abandoned.

Changes of Time

On April 24, 2018April 24, 2018 By AngeliaIn Beautiful Life2 Comments

Time, time, time
See what’s become of me…

That rascal time has done it again. Minutes tripped into days. Days tripped into months. Months tripped into years. Blown away. Flown away. Swept out into the horizon and vanished with the settings of many suns.

Where does it go?

Your guess is as good as mine.

But in that passage of time, there is so much more than the days and nights. There is joy and sadness. Burdens and blessings.

Hearts have mended. Hearts have broken. Some pieces had to be reshaped. Some drifted away like dust to sky. Tender new sprouts took their place.

I’m not going to pretend the last few years have been easy breezy. They haven’t. Life can be hard. Death is harder. Life after loss is the journey. Finding your way without them. Finding the YOU that you are when they are gone.

We laid my Mom to rest. My last living parent.

You know I thought I lost her long ago. To her illness. To her alcohol. To her memory loss. But it wasn’t until she was really gone that I understood what losing your Mother is really like.

It’s been over a year now. See? Sneaky time trickster. I can finally take a breath when I realize she is not here. The shock of it, not as intense. I don’t look for her signs (or smells) as much. Although they pop out every so often, like the Bluebird flying straight at me while admiring Spring in the backyard.

It’s little things to remember. Memories to hold close. And….. I know. I probably haven’t grieved properly.

Because what is that really?

But the sun still sets. My precious family encircles me. I know in every part of my heart where her spirit beats within the new places and the old.

We were born to die, and we die to live. As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven.

Salem Dixie Elizabeth

On August 11, 2016October 18, 2017 By AngeliaIn Beautiful Life6 Comments

I can finally talk about it.

This dog I loved so much.

Loved with all my heart.

Every single piece of it.

My dear, sweet companion who loved to eat. Who always knew exactly what time dinner was served. Even when daylight savings time tried to trip her up.

Who moved with me from house to house, roommate to roommate, and never complained.

Not one single time.

Her tireless devotion astounded me.

Her soulful eyes moved me.

And time and time again, no matter what happened over the years, she rooted me in goodness.

They just don’t live long enough. No matter how badly I wished she did.

So I said good-bye…

And I know I waited too long…

It’s so very hard to let them go.

Fly high with the Angels, my precious girl, Salem.

Be free to roam.

Be free of pain.

Be free of old hips that don’t move like they are supposed to.

Be free of tired legs and itchy spots you can’t reach anymore.

Run, run, run…over the rainbow bridge.

Back to your youth and fun puppy days.

Heavenly Father, Creator of all things, thank you for having entrusted us with a loyal pet. Thank you for letting her teach us unselfish love. Thank you for the memories that we can recall to brighten our days for the rest of our lives. Finally, in gratitude, we return our pet to you. Amen.