Today is proof..

I have down days. REALLY down days, and I have no idea why.

Usually, I am very happy, in fact, almost always happy. Every so often out of the blue, this hits me.

Often times it follows great joy – like what comes up, must come down.

Last time this happened, it was year after my step dad had been gone. Before that, it was a year after my divorce from #2.

Normally, it lasts a week at the most, sometimes only a few hours if people pray for me. I should be grateful, it’s THAT short.

I don’t understand this at all. It makes me wonder if it’s chemical. I can’t imagine life this way, like some people do.

I know how blessed I am. I know how loved I am. I know what I’ve overcome in my life.

So what do you do, when you feel the hounds of depression chasing you down? What do you do, when YOU KNOW what makes you happy but that source is tapped out today? What do you do when you need the sun more than anything and it’s only rolling black clouds, as far as you can see?

19 thoughts on “Today is proof..

  1. I know those black clouds, believe me I do. When they begin to form I surround myself with happy people. I dont necessarily need to know these people, I just need to be near them for awhile. I’ll borrow a friends kid and go to Chucky Cheese, I’ll find a fair in town and go, I’ll go to the beach and sit near a family or big group with lots going on.

    EVEN if I dont want to do these things, I’ll do them. I’ve found this works for me. I will not go sit home and dwell on the thoughts. I’ll go to my parents and sit with them while they kabitz with the neighbors.

    I know it will pass, its just a matter of how long it takes. I’ve even nipped it in the bud a couple of times by acting quickly.

    For me I need to interact with people. As much as I dont want to, I need to, to keep the wolves at bay.

    Feel better soon. 😉


    1. peedee, Thank you, all those things sound so nice. I love Chuck E Cheese, and the beach, what’s kabitz?

      You are right, it’s hard to do that when you just want to be alone. I think I did okay. Syd, Jason, and I went out to eat after work.

      The (the real) rain is moving out. I am hoping a good dose of sun will burn it all away. 🙂


  2. I have bad days. A lot of them. Some explainable, others not. What works for me is crawling in bed or onto the couch and cuddling up. Staying away from the world and getting some sleep. It can be difficult with kids but over the years, it has worked.


    1. Sometimes I wonder if the unexplainable ones are something that happened in our past, maybe we don’t remember the exact date but our minds or bodies do. My second divorce was a week ago Sunday, I’m just wondering if I’m reacting to that past. It was very traumatic.
      I got more sleep last night, it helped, greatly! I really wanted to curl up with a good book. I haven’t had time to read in forever. It’s something I really need to do for myself.


  3. Ummm…I lay on the couch, watch Sex And The City while eating copious amounts of chocolate. And then I listen to sad songs followed by more chocolate. Then I write…whatever comes to mind. That’s usually where I see what’s bothering me. It comes out on the page and through the words.


    1. Milk chocolate or dark chocolate?

      I’m glad you can write it out. I could barely string a sentence together yesterday. It was very strange!

      Here’s hoping today is better!


    1. Those are good Jaymie, that reminds me I have some antioxidants with B I can take that should help.
      Upbeat blogs are good too! peedee’s always make me laugh with her doggy pics.


    1. Mindy,
      Sometimes, I fully believe, we just need to cry! I had a very full weekend. I haven’t had *any* downtime in the last few months. The sun came out today. I am so glad. I hate feeling that way!

      Red wine? Mmmmm. 🙂


  4. 5minutesplease

    Go out of the house. Make yourself do something–away from home.
    I like your theory about the anniv of your divorce. Sometimes you think it’s ok, but the sadness can come later then the actual event.
    If you have been busy, especially having a lot of fun, and then not much on your schedule, I think that can get you down.

    Because these “episodes” are far between, I think it safe to say that in general your are ok emotionally/psychologically. It could still be something chemical, though. Our hormones are touchy things. Have you considered menopause! (I know, don’t say it.) It can come on early, slowly and (as we are already aware) takes years.

    Most of all, you know, talk to God!

    I will pray for you. Keep us all posted, beautiful woman!


    1. I did talk to God. There was a lot of doubt in my mind yesterday, about everything, but especially Jason. I *do* feel like it was the enemy.

      That said, It could have been from that divorce too, along with the RAIN. I can’t remember a worse fall, EVER. It has rained and rained, been foggy, drizzly, cold. Raining for a week, or EVERY week, or both. Maybe it’s partly SAD. I need sun. The clouds are depressing!


  5. 5minutesplease

    I had just thought of a cheering-up idea the other day:
    Go to an inside garden store. It is like summer time, and it’s free! (maybe even buy yourself a little green guy to care for!)


    1. It’s funny you talk about an indoor garden. Have you ever heard of the Gaylord? It’s a hotel, not far away, in Grapevine. It has four and half ACRES of indoor gardens and waterways. Amazing place! I have a blog about it on here in August. That makes me happy just thinking of it! Big hugs, Krista!


  6. Peggy Nolan

    Hi Angelia – sometimes on those dark days, I make the decision to do nothing. Like Jessica, I’ll go find me some dark chocolate (more milk chocolate for you!) and either curl up with a book or watch a good vampire movie followed by a good zombie movie or Blade Runner (dark, moody, Harrison Ford).

    OR – If I’m feeling out of sorts, I’ll grab my camera and go for a drive…like I did on Sunday…and take pictures. Sunday was a bright colorful day – the last hurrah of fall – and I captured it – and just the different shades of yellow brightened my whole day.



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