Big Girl to the Big Screen

I’m not a big planner. I’m not. I try to get plans made, but really, I like being spontaneous. Don’t get me wrong. I loooove routines and order. That stuff makes me very happy, but doing something on the fly; throwing a party, grabbing a movie in the afternoon, eating out. Just do it! Just go! It’s an amazing thrill.

I know, I drive Jason CRAZY. He is much slower to the draw. A thinker, a planner, but when I see that window of opportunity….I just can’t help myself, and luckily he plods along with me on all my adventures.

That said, this last weekend – FATHER’S DAY – was not his weekend with the kids. We grieved over it. We did, but we just assumed there was NO WAY we would have them. There was a big fiasco on Easter. We had plans Easter, real plans, and his Ex couldn’t see the kids. I mean paybacks a dog right? He doesn’t grant a favor, she doesn’t grant a favor. It seems that’s the way it goes, from my eyes anyway.

I don’t understand it. I really don’t. Sydney’s Dad and I NEVER had these issues. We never waited to see who was getting the best of who, or if someone was undermining the other. You win some. You lose some, but you do what’s best for the kids and get along. One thing is for certain, when you choose divorce, you are going to miss out on something, and probably something big.

Being around those two are like two prickly porcupines. I can’t hardly stand it. Any moment the needle-like quills are going to fly. I have talked to Jason about just letting it go, and going the extra mile, but he doesn’t want to get walked all over. I can understand that and now, there is no meeting in the middle (yes, folks even after two and half years). Everyone wants their way. Sooooo…..since he doesn’t do what she wants….and what she wants, she thinks is the best way……..therein lies the problem.

I get along with her. I really like her. I mean she is the mother of two precious little people in my life and she picked a great guy to have them with. But I can’t do anything about THEM getting past their issues, and getting along. I’ve tried and it just doesn’t work. I can only keep encouraging them to – for the sake of NOT raising alcoholics – PLEASE GET ALONG. Just do it! Be spontaneously different.

But miracle of all miracles, and a big thank-you to her, we get them on Father’s Day. Unplanned. We had TONS of stuff to get done. House work, yard work, organizing, and we had been out of town all last weekend, etc……but, we were so happy to throw it all out the window and PLAY. Yeah!!

I’ve wanted to go to the big movie with the girls for a looooong time. I mean Sydney went at two years old. Mama Michie took her 18 month old little boy. Did you see his smile? Sooo cute.

Bridget is turning FOUR and has never been to a movie for goodness sake. Apparently the wait was so ALL the family could go, including the Mom. I missed Molly’s first movie because I wasn’t invited, but no hard feelings, right? Sniff. Hmph. But, I digress…….

So, here it is – Father’s Day! We get the kids unexpectedly, the Mom had planned to have them, so she wouldn’t have plans other than the kids. Why not go to the MOVIE!!?! Toy Story 3 just came out. It was too good of an opportunity to miss. Perfect timing. Perfect age. The girls had just watched Toy Story 1 and 2 the day before.

Except when we asked, she said she had to work. Huh!? I mean, okay, her distaste for Jason and being around him is quite known. He wasn’t comfortable about it either, I insisted he ask her before he asked the girls, and she declined. But she had the CHOICE (in fact if we are keeping track, I asked her to the Circus, to Mother’s Day service with the girls, to Bethlehem live, and so on and so on – all DECLINED). You’d think I’d get the hint. Huh.

We were not even invited to Molly’s 6th birthday party with her kindergarten class friends. Nor did we even know about Bridget’s birthday party on Saturday. Not a single family member on Jason’s side invited. Not even the Grandma that picks them up for Church every week. So please, I’m sorry, if I don’t feel bad about our decision. I truly believe we tried to do the right thing. It was not at all intentional to hurt her feelings or make her miss out.

We went and had a blast. Bridget’s smile – so friggin’ excited – I love it. She did very, very well. Although, I don’t recommend a 3D movie for a four-year old. She kept smudging her shades, yo.


When asked to smile like she was going to a big girl movie. We got this kind of cheese.


MY FIRST movie with Molly. I told her it was very special. I told EVERY movie with her would be very special to me, because really, unless you see a movie again, it’s your FIRST time, right?


This movie was too cute. I just love Pixar and their imagination with toys. I even got a little teary, darn you Disney!


Oh no! Competition for my popcorn. Maybe this movie thing is not such a good idea. Ha.


Bridget and her Dad on Father’s Day. Another first, and hopefully not the last.

It was the best Father’s Day present he could have gotten, second to the adorable coffee mug the girls made for him.

Unplans. The very best kind. Just do it! Just go!

55 thoughts on “Big Girl to the Big Screen

  1. Yea, I agree, unplanned plans are often the best, though I am one who likes what will come next. I am sorry the mom of the two girls is doing this way. I hope for all of you, the situation will increase! The little one, Bridget, looks like her dad!!

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    1. Ellen- I’m really sorry she is feeling hurt. I am. I feel like our hands are tied. We can’t do anything right, or at least Jason can’t. No wonder he gave up trying.

      I love plans. I do. The anticipation, but I love being able to just do what I want, whenever as well. It usually all works out. πŸ™‚

      She reminds me of him the most.

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  2. One thing I have learned about divorce is that when one still punishes the other after things are final, there are issues that the two of them never resolved. Issues may have be resolved for one person, but not the other. The children are always the ones who get hurt over the unresolved issues.

    Their mother needs to have a “sit down and come to Jesus” meeting with a good counselor, before things really get nasty.

    I’m glad that they got to be with their father on his special day, and I know they loved the movie! What fun!

    The pictures are sooooo CUTE!

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    1. Judie – I agree with you. Major unresolved issues, and many inner battles that would take a ram to get through. I will go a step further and say, that my dear beloved, who I think the world of….he needs to find his boundaries and stand firm. He needs to let go of the hurt and not be afraid of getting hurt by her anymore.

      I don’t know. He is happy. We found each other. Stonewalling doesn’t = progress. She needs to let go of her control issues. I think I should have been a therapist. HA!

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  3. Some of the best memories are created when you least expect them… or don’t plan them πŸ™‚ Looks like a great time – glad you guys got to enjoy the day together after all!

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    1. Rene – Sooooo true! The kids are so sheltered and managed. I just love experiencing the freedom with them. Watching them let loose and fly. Their favorite question is, “Where are we going?”

      My daughter finally told them, “Crazy, wanna come?”

      So here we come to crazyland. It’s fun and we never want to go home. πŸ˜€

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  4. How fun. Great that it worked out.

    I that it is so odd the relationship between divorced people. I am not in one so I don’t know, but I see some and . . . to each their own. I just think that it has got to be difficult.

    I also think that if you continue to invite the mom to things that you are a spectacular person. It is so kind and generous of you to understand AND be willing to invite her to things/events that you think she might enjoy experiencing with her kids. That is amazing of you.

    Regardless of how she is, you are the better person and it will reflect greatly on the girls.

    Glad you had a great spontaneous Father’s Day!

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    1. Terre – Unfortunately, I am a child of divorce (mom from my Dad at age 3). Then I divorced my child’s dad (when she was three). My mom was divorced BEFORE the marriage to my dad so my brother and sister had different grandparents on that side.

      It’s a MESS. Even the good ones, still messy.

      The only thing that eases the pain is swallowing your pride for your kids, agree to disagree, and be FAIR.

      I like the girl’s mom. I think with a little more life experience and maturity, she will be an incredible woman. I only wish her the best. I hate that she feels hurt, but I do wish she saw the choice she made.

      My daughter’s Dad and I are good friends, we did everything together. I even saw his baby boy at the hospital when he was born to his new wife and went to all but the last birthday party of his. He just turned four. We’ve had some issues but have always been willing to say, “I’m sorry. Let’s work it out and be friends. REAL friends.” I love him to death. He’s my baby’s daddy!

      πŸ™‚

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      1. Every couple handles things differently. And like you said, even the “good” ones are still messy.

        But at least if you can get along it makes it a tolerable “mess”, right?

        I think it is so cool that you work with your daughter’s dad and that you are trying with the girls’ mom.

        **clap, clap, clap, clap, clap** Yay You!

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  5. Glad it worked out for you to go — she looked so stinking excited!! πŸ™‚ We saw that movie this weekend too, and I also got misty-eyed! (…If she had to work anyway, why was she insisting on keeping them until the last minute…)

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    1. V – See, she didn’t HAVE to work. That’s my whole point. She wouldn’t have worked had she had the kids, and if she was going to let him have the kids for the day, why didn’t she tell him that before the night before? Instead, she let him be sad and get used to the idea of not seeing his girls on Father’s Day.

      Then gets all p’od because we took them to the movie even though she said she couldn’t go. I guess we were supposed to wait and go by HER schedule???

      Plus, in her opinion, age four is too young to see a big screen movie.

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      1. In circumstances like this, I find that usually when someone’s mad that the group went to a movie, or to dinner, or whatever, anyway… they’re actually mad at themselves for being too prideful to swallow the hostility and just go have fun and not make a deal out of it.

        She’s probably more angry at herself for choosing to miss out on seeing her little girl go to the movies than she really is at you or Jason (haha, my husband’s name too), but she’s taking it out on you because it’s an ‘easy target’.

        I know it’s a lot easier to be mad at someone else than mad at yourself, even when you know better.

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  6. You said it right. As long as you can handle each other with a smile, it benefits the whole family. You are sooo good with taking those photos. πŸ™‚ Have fun.

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    1. Doraz – These were iPhone pics but it’s a pretty good little camera. My motto is fake it til’ ya make it. There are proven stats that show children grow up more adjusted if parents get along and do things together.

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  7. I am in the middle of a divorce, so far things have been really amicable when it comes to the kids. We have our other battles, but we both suffered with my stepson’s mother and neither of us is willing to put the kids through that. Will I feel differently when the inevitable day comes that he has a serious girlfriend or someone he marries? I don’t know. But I know what I BELIEVE and I have to work very hard to make sure my actions line up with my words:

    -I believe that unless he is putting my children deliberately in harms way, their time with their dad is HIS TIME and I should not dictate to him how they spend it. Likewise he should not dictate to me how I spend my time with them.
    -We’ve already hurt our children with our dysfunctional relationship and now with our divorce. The best gift we can give them at this point it to keep our struggles with one another to a minimum and make sure our kids know they are loved by both of us. They need to see us cooperating and meeting their needs so they will continue to feel safe and secure.

    My STBX’s Ex is a bitter, angry woman, and she made him PAY for years for her anger. She denied visitation, she told him how to parent, she belittled him to his son. Granted, he also didn’t handle things the way I thought he should. My poor stepson was the bone of contention being devoured from both ends by angry, snarling dogs. I refuse to do this to my own kids.

    Its good you guys had a special time with them on Father’s day. I’m glad he ended up getting to have them. That said, I am curious if she reads your blog or knows you have one? I don’t know you terribly well, I’m a new reader and I just fell in love with your blog recently, but as a stepmother and as a mother who will likely someday be sharing her children with another woman who will be important in their lives, I would just say that I don’t know if its a good idea to air issues with the girls’ mom in such a public forum. If I were in her shoes I would be pretty upset to read a post like this, and if she has bad feelings it can make things even more difficult for the kids in the long run. Just sharing my thoughts, take them or leave them, its all OK. πŸ™‚

    Oh, man, I’m sorry for such a long comment!

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    1. Barnmaven – You hit on a lot of important points and ones I agree with. Being a child of divorce, having past addiction problems, and marrying an abusive spouse that put me and my child through hell – I understand more than anyone, how important it is for the kid’s sake. I love these girls and want the best for them. I don’t want them to go through the pain of filling the empty hole from divorce like I did.

      I try to air issues in a positive light to give others hope that it can be worked out. It is not my intention to hurt her in a public forum, although she did hurt me deeply in a public forum, however that resulted in this blog. I am very thankful for that.

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  8. Awww!! It looks like so much fun. Taking the kids to their first “big kid” movie was so awesome. CJ’s was Aladdin. I still love going to the movies with my kids. I always get that thrill when the lights go down and the previews start. I hope I never lose that.

    I’m so glad Jason got his girls on Father’s Day. Sorry it caused problems. At least you did your best, just like you always do.

    ♥Spot

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    1. Spot – That is so sweet about CJ’s first movie. I always get a thrill too. It is special every time and I hope always will be as well. Movies are magical, no matter what age or time.

      Bridget will get to see her first “big kid” movie with her mommy and that will mean a lot to her as well. It all works out. “Life’s a garden, dig it” -Joe Dirt

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  9. Sounds like a Great Fathers Day for everyone, such pretty girls I am happy things worked out and you all enjoyed the movie. Now I don’t want to see any fighting over the popcorn OK πŸ™‚

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  10. I don’t think you should have any guilt over it at all. You pushed the olive branch to her numerous times and she never grabbed it. She threw a birthday party without yall, so it seems to me she wants to keep things seperate. She does her thing with the girls and that should mean yall do yall’s thing with the girls.

    I never understood the negitive attitudes towards each other, they have to know that this behavior affects the girls.

    My dad kept me from my birth mother for 10 yrs and my step mom talked bad about her and well you can see in my writings of the past how much it affected me.

    I’m glad you went with your gut and just did it. Her smile just says it all! All father’s should be able to have Father’s Day with their kids.

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    1. Heather – I think I’m the problem. Being best friends with my daughter’s dad. Close to the ex-in-law extended family, and by all means possible, breaking every stereo type on divorce possible. I guess my expectations are too high for them. What happened with me and Sydney’s dad is just not normal. I need to accept that.

      What happened to you is just tragic and sad. I am glad to see you share your story and I hope it will change lives and attitudes of those who have the power over the path a child’s life takes. Our actions and words are very affecting!

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  11. I’m very surprised that the parenting plan doesn’t have inclusions for Mother’s/Father’s Day….ours does. And even if it’s not “her” weekend with him she then gets him two in a row…likewise for Father’s Day. All holidays should have been spelled out in a parenting plan!! It sure does help!

    Glad you got the kids for such a great memorable weekend for sure!!!

    Word of advice from the “other” woman in my stepson’s life…stop trying to get them to make peace….especially if there’s a lot of bitterness! My hubby and his ex did the counselling thing before breaking up, and it didn’t resolve anything….and it took a good 3 or 4 years (its been 8 now) since the divorce for things to finally settle and get amicable.

    I even have people asking me how it is that his ex and I are such good friends….and we’re not! NOT at all! We just have learned to be cordial and social for Jake’s sake!

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    1. Missy – The parenting plans were drawn up by one person. And a super nice person – who didn’t know any better – agreed to them, without the advice of a lawyer – who both his mother and I said he should consult. :-/

      Jason does not even have STANDARD custody. He has waaaay less. It shouldn’t even be legal.

      I actually had coffee with her and talked for several hours. I like her and we can get along just fine. Truthfully, it could all work out, if everyone would just lower their defense and mistrust. πŸ™‚ I know it will take time and guess what? We have our ENTIRE LIFE! Heh!

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  12. That is wonderful Angelia that you got to spend Father’s Day with the girls and do something fun.

    I guess with regards to Jason and his ex you can never really know what happened there but it is probably best to stay out of it other than to still encourage Jason to try and work towards a better relationship with her. After all she is the mother of those two little girls and as adults Jason and his ex need to realize that the priority is the girls and making life as comfortable as possible for them.

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    1. Jane – It was truly a wonderous gift and surprise!

      I will always keep encouraging and although, I may get down and give up sometimes, I will never let go of hope for a better future, especially for those precious girls! They are worth the effort.

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  13. Awww the ending with your fiance and his daughter brought tears to my eyes. I wish GC’s ex was this understanding. We haven’t had his boys on Father’s Day for as long as I can remember.

    I’m spontaneous too. I have to be. We have that kind of luck that plans are always broken, so I wait until the very last minute to plan it.

    This was a beautiful post and thanks for leaving me some love.

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    1. DM – That rips at my heart. It truly does. I wish more parents could see how much a child is like the love they used to share. Unblemished in their innocence. Big hugs to you!

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  14. You got that right. You’ve got to just go with it when it happens. So much of the time it doesn’t!

    Divorce is a drag. I think I’ve said before here, I’ve been the boyfriend in a divorced situation. My ex and her ex got along well so it made it easy to see the kids.

    You’re right. All decisions should be about what’s best for the kids. Although, that’s very hard when some bad stuff went down between the two adults.

    Hope things resolve themselves at some point.

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    1. One of the Guys – Exactly! How do you plan with two separate families, and children? Impossible. Grab those chances and go…

      It is a drag, but much, much better if you get along and don’t have that churning in the tummy.

      I think things will resolve. I believe they are both good, kind people that can.

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  15. Oh my… for one… I am completely like you. I love order, control, organization… however, I love spontaneous get-up-and-go type of plans!

    With that being said… don’t they have a parenting plan? In both mine and my husbands parenting plans… the father gets the kids on fathers day… that is a standard request put in there.

    Another thing… both my current husband and I hold different parties for our kids than our ex’s do. I understand wanting to get along… but my family doesn’t want to be around his family for longer than needs to be… too much awkwardness. So each of our three kids have a party with each parent. And if my ex’s girlfriend asked me to a show… sorry, I’m pretty sure I’d turn down as well. Not out of spite… just… because.

    Funny you should write this… I just wrote about my meeting w/ ex’s girl this a.m… Maybe you should have a sit-down with her?

    http://ournextchapters.com/2010/06/23/and-in-this-corner-bio-mom/

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    1. Heather hisbell – They really don’t. A family meeting is in order, like real soon. He has nothing standard. The visitation was drawn up by her. He doesn’t even have standard custody. He sees them overnight 4 nights out of 30days. That’s all.

      His family does not want to be around her, but we were all trying to be friends. She invited me to coffee and we talked several hours. I understand her situation. I divorced my daughter’s dad for the same reasons as she did Jason at about the same maturity level. I “get” it. I’ve been on that side and didn’t want the dad involved. Luckily my daughter’s Dad would not let me push him away and I loved him for being her dad. Four months after the separation, we got along and were best friends ever since. It can be done. I am VERY close to his family.

      We were really trying to work it out in a true co-parenting friendship like I have with my daughter’s dad, but who knows? If people keep getting hurt, guess it’s not gonna happen.

      The only problem I have with the birthday parties is the fact that school friends have to attend three? That doesn’t seem right to the parents or kids. How do you choose who gets to throw the ones with school friends, and who doesn’t? I’m all about many family parties and I’m sure the kids don’t mind at all! HA!

      Have you ever seen the website http://noonesthebitch.com/
      Hence the invitations to things… I don’t mind being patient. I love her for mothering those two precious little angels.

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      1. Oh wow… only four nights? I’m so sorry!

        Ahh… the b-day parties. I am all about inviting school friends. We were just married and my newlywed hubby has never invited kids school friends… just a happy intimate family gathering. And his ex does the same… small family party.

        And I have yet to think about that with Jay… (he won’t start until Fall 2011). Hopefully by then… my ex and I will be smoothed over… I pray anyways.

        And I did check that website out! I’m going to pass it along as well…

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  16. Whew, okay all caught up on your blog posts now!

    So glad the girlies got to see their daddy on his special day. That’s the way it should be.

    I agree, fighting and disagreeing just does not benefit the kids at all. I’ve had my own experience with that and guilty as charged at times, but with age comes wisdom…right?

    πŸ™‚

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  17. Awesome! So glad to hear how well your “unplans” worked out. What a special time for Dad and you to share with the girls.

    And don’t lose heart, Angelia. Maybe someday all your efforts will pay off and those prickly porcupine quills will fall off…permanently. A belated Happy Father’s Day to your hubby!

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  18. Hey! Happy Father’s Day, Jason! Angel Woman, this is SO cute! I just about died at the photos….that first one rightously cracked me up. That sounds pretty much so basically like a perfect Father’s Day. And it’s lovely that Jason and his Ex have Your big, magical, LOVING heart as a buffer and, perhaps, a wonderous glue! Thank You. Big Hugs and Cheers and Namaste, All. πŸ™‚

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    1. My dear sweet Katy bliss – I sure hope so. I would do anything for those kids. I’ll be uncomfortable as long as I have to be to put smiles on their faces. It’s all about sacrifice. I am willing and I am praying.

      Like

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