I’m still here.
I’m still blogging.
I’m still desperately trying to follow my dream that shifts through the clutches of my hands.
Because of time.
Because of lack of know-how.
Because when it all comes down to it, I get insecure about my work.
Perfection is my enemy.
The dream of a photography business taking off. The dream of a photography business flowing smooth and operating productively – part-time mind you – while I still have time to spend with family and work 42hrs a week at my ‘other job (sha!).
And I wonder…….am I pouring all this time, and energy into the right thing? Do I really have what it takes? What does it take, exactly? Talent, drive, and fearlessness?
I imagined my photography classes I started this January would boost my self-confidence. I imagined my talent would take off. I thought the instruction would confirm my path. In fact, my heart jumped out of my chest and raced ahead of me on this, shouting, “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”.
Is that my problem? My heart?
It seems like I am just more aware of how little I know about this business. More aware of how much farther I have to go. More, more, and more aware of how much I still
have need to learn.
And I still love it – the process, the learning, the people. I do.
I am just a little overwhelmed.
At this point, I am committed to classes through the end of August. My last class is geared towards product photography. Yet, another aspect to swirl my fingers into and see what comes out.
A lot of friends tell me that people are my thing. I’m good with them; families, children, couples, and babies. Some days, I am not so sure. If one of my last sessions was any indication……well, maybe it’s a sign?
Meet my latest newborn (14 days old) and my second newborn portrait session and my first CS5 processing (that’s Photoshop).
She is precious, isn’t it?
There is such a delicate sweetness to newborns and their families. The wonder of a tiny miracle and how they meld into their circle of love.
I did my best to capture the pureness, but when the talent is done? Well, the talent is done.
Here’s your sign.
Is that my take a final bow sign? Like, hey lady, take a hike and go point that thing at someone your own size. Or is it a message to her mom? I’m the third. I’m the last and we go by my schedule. HA! What a stinker. This picture really cracked me up.
So there are days when processing is hard, when time is my enemy, and when I think I am not cut out for this. That’s when I think I should lock myself inside a product tent, taking photos of wine glasses, and bottles (empty?).
And there are other days when I wouldn’t miss these moments for the world.
What is in store for me down this road? I don’t know. I guess I have to keep going to find out.