Here’s Your Sign

I’m still here.

I’m still blogging.

I’m still desperately trying to follow my dream that shifts through the clutches of my hands.

Because of time.

Because of lack of know-how.

Because when it all comes down to it, I get insecure about my work.

Perfection is my enemy.

The dream of a photography business taking off. The dream of a photography business flowing smooth and operating productively – part-time mind you – while I still have time to spend with family and work 42hrs a week at my ‘other job (sha!).

And I wonder…….am I pouring all this time, and energy into the right thing? Do I really have what it takes? What does it take, exactly? Talent, drive, and fearlessness?

I imagined my photography classes I started this January would boost my self-confidence. I imagined my talent would take off. I thought the instruction would confirm my path. In fact, my heart jumped out of my chest and raced ahead of me on this, shouting, “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”.

Is that my problem? My heart?

Because, really?

It seems like I am just more aware of how little I know about this business. More aware of how much farther I have to go. More, more, and more aware of how much I still have need to learn.

And I still love it – the process, the learning, the people. I do.

I am just a little overwhelmed.

At this point, I am committed to classes through the end of August. My last class is geared towards product photography. Yet, another aspect to swirl my fingers into and see what comes out.

A lot of friends tell me that people are my thing. I’m good with them; families, children, couples, and babies. Some days, I am not so sure. If one of my last sessions was any indication……well, maybe it’s a sign?

Meet my latest newborn (14 days old) and my second newborn portrait session and my first CS5 processing (that’s Photoshop).

A peaceful Slumber

Living Angel

Two Sisters

Big Brother & Sister Love

New Love

She is precious, isn’t it?

There is such a delicate sweetness to newborns and their families. The wonder of a tiny miracle and how they meld into their circle of love.

I did my best to capture the pureness, but when the talent is done? Well, the talent is done.

Her Sign

Here’s your sign.

Is that my take a final bow sign? Like, hey lady, take a hike and go point that thing at someone your own size. Or is it a message to her mom? I’m the third. I’m the last and we go by my schedule. HA! What a stinker. This picture really cracked me up.

So there are days when processing is hard, when time is my enemy, and when I think I am not cut out for this. That’s when I think I should lock myself inside a product tent, taking photos of wine glasses, and bottles (empty?).

And there are other days when I wouldn’t miss these moments for the world.

What is in store for me down this road? I don’t know. I guess I have to keep going to find out.

18 thoughts on “Here’s Your Sign

  1. Angelia – I could have written this only it would have been about my writing. Yes, you have talent. Yes, you can do this. Yes to all of it! I so get the questioning, the uncertainty, and the passion. It takes courage to keep pressing “snap” and to keep moving forward along the path.

    The images of the baby are precious. The one with the older siblings – priceless!

    Keep doing what you’re doing!

    xxoo
    Peggy

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  2. “perfection is my enemy” All the 12 steps programs say this perfection thing can be destructive. But I try my best to do the the best job I can on each task. It’s called craftsmanship. Different from perfection. There is so little quality in manufactured goods these days esp all that absolute junk from China.

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  3. These are Fabulous Fotos! You R amazing! Just keep Living your art, Loving your art & Laughing along the way (the crying baby birdie finger is hilarious). You can Be, Do & Have anything you want and it’s just a whole lot easier when you Love and Laugh your way there.
    Infinite Blessings-
    Quarky Girl (www.quarkythoughts.wordpress.com)

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  4. One of my Nia students reminded me to look back when looking forward made me feel like I couldn’t do it. There is so much to learn in Nia I was overwhelmed and impatient and she kindly reminded me that I had come a very, very, very long way. You have a lot to learn. You always will because technology and things that can be done with photography will always be changing, but you have also learned a lot. You are way past where you were in January, right? It’s ok to look back sometimes in order to continue forward.

    And I am sorry if you don’t want to hear it, but there will be shoots in your future that don’t go as you had hoped. There could even be disasters, but that doesn’t undo all the beauty you captured and created before. And that doesn’t mean you give up. Means you stop, you learn, you move on. If it makes you questions things, good, then that means you can learn from it and it is not a waste. If you are going to make a habit of photography people and animals you might want to get used to it not always going as planned, right? But you will find a way to still create something fantastic because that is what you do.

    I know you already know all this stuff. I am stating the obvious, but sometimes we need to be reminded that we can be “perfect in our imperfection”.

    Oh, and another thing you might not want to hear, although this is just my opinion, there is no such thing as “part-time self-employment.” If you manage that, you can write a how-to and sell it for millions!

    XOXOXOXOXO

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  5. runrettarun

    Yes perfection is the enemy. Just remind yourself that no one is perfect and you are DAMN good at what you do! Your photos are always beautiful. You have amazing talent! We all go through phases of self-doubt. How boring would it be if you (or anyone) were perfect? We wouldn’t have a goal to get better. 🙂

    Love you honey!

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  6. Absolutely beautiful portraits. I’d say these are a definite sign you’re on the right track–though I still wonder how you manage to do all you do. You must have a really vamped-up metabolism.

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  7. Kim Ward Storch

    Gorgeous….that is the word for your photography. You capture the magic and purity of an infant. They brought tears to my eyes. Don’t give up. Always follow your dream. If it fills your soul then that is your life’s purpose. You owe it to the world. 🙂

    The last picture was awesome. Simple, precious yet it said something so profound…”get away from me!” LOL

    http://cookie-momster-cookiemomster.blogspot.com

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  8. It does not take fearlessness, it takes proceeding despite fear. What would you be doing if you weren’t pursuing your dream? You’d probably wish you were.

    The pictures are outstanding.

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  9. There is NO doubt you are a very talented photographer. No doubt. But only you can decide if the time you are putting in is to further your joy in that moment, or is to build a photography empire, because that is where the joy is? I have no doubt you could do that if you want to. But do you want that? Take breaks when you need to. You dont need to know where your going to enjoy the ride:) And no matter where the photography ultimately ends up business wise, what will never change is the memories you have given so many people, moments of their life captured because you were there.That is significant.

    PS. You have gone through a LOT in the last year. It makes total sense that time with your family feels very precious and maybe that has changed some feelings for you. Be kind to yourself while you explore your feelings on this. There is no rush:)

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  10. Precious is exactly how I would describe that face!!! Oh she’s adorable!!! And this newborn time really doesn’t last long enough! Great job capturing her innocence!!!! Quit doubting yourself!!

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  11. I think pursuit that it is creative comes with an extra helping of self-doubt. But that self doubt is what fuels us, what makes us want to do better, what keeps us burning the midnight oil in pursuit of that one perfect photo, turn of phrase, brushstroke. A certain amount of self doubt is healthy, just don’t let it overwhelm you. Your photos are fantastic and your clients are happy and satisfied. Those are the important things.

    ♥Spot

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  12. Jennifer

    Oh girl, you are SOOOOO awesome! Our little family was having a very challenging day and you took it all in stride and caught THE most beautiful pictures. I am so thrilled and hope you stick with it knowing that you have been a true blessing to this family who will look back at these pictures (all of them!) and remember the good times…and the more “real” times! lol I am truly amazed at all that you are able to do and pray that you continue to be blessed exactly where you are.

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  13. Trust me, if anyone knows how you feel, it’s me. It’s hard keeping up with my full-time, part-time photography biz and squeezing in time with family. Not to mention there’s always something new to learn and perfect. We’re getting there…little by little. Rome was not built overnight and neither will our photography businesses. And I’m with you…people are my thing. I love capturing people and emotions 🙂 And the photos of this sweet baby girl are just precious and full of just that! I bet her parents are thrilled!

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  14. You have a talent with the lens. I love your photo’s and always talk about them to my husband when you post new ones. Don’t give up!! The photos of that sweet little girl are precious… I really love the last one though!! 😉

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  15. Thank-you all for the sweet encouragement, prods, nods, and the GREAT introspective thoughts you share from your heart. It means SO much to me. I can never thank-you enough.

    Both newborn shoots I walked away with my heart bursting because I love those babies (little miracles).

    I think time will tell my direction and I will continue to pray and lead with my heart that I go the path I am called.

    You’ve all reminded me to remember to cherish these moments.

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  16. moondustwriter

    Glad I found your site – I can soooo relate.
    I am a writer, poet, artist visionary who at times wants to throw in the towel because I feel ” I don’t have what it takes.” Know what? We do – we have a love for creating and making beauty
    Keep moving with the dream in your heart

    I am co-founder of One Stop Poetry and tho we started with support for poets we do support the arts as well. so when you are ready we can do an interview and show the world your beauty…
    mdw4osp@gmail.com

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