Mid-Summer Life Crisis

At the beginning of this year, I chose the word flourish. I was going to FLOURISH (and rule the world!)….err….something like that.

My goals:

And do all this while working 40 + hours a week as a corporate travel agent, plus a newlywed wife to my husband, mom to one teenager, and step-mom of two younger daughters.

I. Can. Do. It. All.

NOT.

One by, by one, these goals have slipped from my grasp. One by one, I have given up (yet) another thing I pledged to do, just to keep up with my normal life, much less the hyped up flourished version.

Swimming, swimming, and swimming……you know what, ya’ll?

I’m tired.

It’s not even that this – the list – the promises – the goals – are all I have tried to keep up with. I have, also, had to dog paddle through a husband diagnosed with Lupus this year (to add to his type 1 diabetes, and hypothyroidism). A pretty horrific car crash my family survived. Plus, the new dynamics of co-parenting, me being on the “other” side of custody, than I previously was (this side is MUCH harder).

Everyone said I couldn’t do it all. And???

They were right. :clap clap clap:

I have, officially, burnt out.

Late last week, I wanted to pull the plug. No more Twitter, Facebook, or the Blog. Just shut down. My iphone makes that near impossible to do. But, alas! I would do it. Lights out (except for Words With Friends. I must have my WWF!).

In the end, I decided, going dark was not the answer, but putting the photography business on hold would be. No more sessions for now. I will have “fun”. It will be my hobby (again)(when I have time). It won’t be work and it won’t feel like work. Yay!

I started photography classes in January to boost my confidence. I learned about the technical side of the camera. I, also, learned some of the business side. But it’s pretty hefty in marketing, networking – not to mention – time.

I still lack LOADS of knowledge in everything.

Ultimately, I just don’t think I have the talent, or the vision. Maybe that will change, I just don’t know.

My confidence hasn’t boosted like I hoped, and it’s draining me. I just need to study longer and wait for that elusive confidence factor.

The battle of wills and hopes has been bloody.

The drive to succeed, to learn, to know, to do – while applaudable – is not doable (for me), and it’s making me crazy.

I don’t like crazy. My thyroid makes me crazy because of my Grave’s Disease. I take a hormone pill and it gets better.

So today, I take a chill pill. I acknowledge, I can’t do it all. I won’t do it all. And I’ll do what I can when I can.

Technology is a such a curse, and a blessing.

A friend told me she heard, due to technology overload, the world was on the brink of nervous breakdown. Our brains are not equipped to handle all the information accessible today.

So true.

I think I have overachiever overload.

So this month, I am putting another thing to the side.

And I’m having fun too.

MY GIRLS are back!

The little girls are with us FULL-TIME (squeee!!) for the month of July.

There is nothing like morning hugs around my legs.

And yes, they get loud.

And yes, they fight.

And noise constantly streams from their mouths.

But I wouldn’t trade this month for anything!

Best of all…..Sydney is back from her vacay at Dad’s in Mississippi.

Sydney!!

I have missed her sooooo much!

Mid-summer life crisis? I think I got a handle on you.

25 thoughts on “Mid-Summer Life Crisis

  1. I am SO with you on the overload. And I keep telling tim that I wish twitter and Facebook would just disappear.

    It’s too much!!!!!

    Hang in there…you’re awesome. At least, I think so. πŸ™‚

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  2. You are so smart to have this realization. Good for you, Angelia! It is indeed way too much what we are getting on our plate. Nothing is simple anymore. So I think , simplicity is my new word πŸ™‚ And please, do not think you failed because you did not accomplish all those goals. You did a great job for what you did and even a greater job by understanding you set the goals way to high. You have been through a lot this last year, good and horrible things. For now just enjoy your girls and husband and yourself of course πŸ™‚ Take care,

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  3. Enjoy your family…the rest will still be there when you are ready for them. I, too, have learned I can’t do all I want or maybe I just lack ambition and confidence. I have decided to do what I can when I can…no obligations to less important things.

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  4. We cannot do everything. For everything we do something “suffers” or gets “less done.” That is all there is to it. I am so happy for you that you have come to this realization. I would bet that it was not easy and it probably came with a few tears. Good for you.

    Your dream will still be there when the girls are older and have more things to do on their own. You are so smart to take advantage of your time with them now!

    I am also very, very, very, very, very, very, very happy that you decided NOT to “go dark”. That announcement made me very sad. Far away as you are, best friends and face to face friends we are not, but I would have missed you and been very sad. So I am glad you are “staying” online. YAY!

    Hang in there, my friend. I know things can get overwhelming, but there are people praying for you and cheering you on! Hugs!!!!

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  5. Looks like we’re on the same page. I found that I just couldn’t do it all. Keep up with posting 5x a week on The Maddy Chronicles, do photography sessions and post them to the photography blog, contribute to Communal Global, work my full-time and part time job! I had to restructure pronto…I finally let my part-time go and combining the two blogs has been the best decision so far! So much easier tending to one blog than two! I’m glad you’re simplifying, but don’t give up on your dream of having your photography biz – if that’s really what you want.

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  6. Ah, even in your mid-summer life crisis you’ve managed to make us smile and endeared yourself to us all. Isn’t this where we’re all at to some degree? So glad you’re cutting loose and tying yourself to the things that matter most. God bless ya! πŸ™‚

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  7. I know the feeling! Somedays I have burn out and just have to unplug and chill. I did that monday so I could be with CJ. I’ll do it right after Mo has the baby.

    Family is what’s important…the rest will always be waiting for you when you get back.

    ♥Spot

    But for the record- I think you’re extremely talented.

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  8. We can’t be all to everyone and everything my friend. We have to stop and reassess what is important to us and that is our well being. I’m glad that you recognized this and are taking a step back. Don’t look at all the things you didn’t accomplish, look at the things you have. Look at those 2 happy smiles and soak them in. It’s good for your soul. Xoxo

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  9. runrettarun

    You know how I feel about the blogging and all that. It does take a lot out of a person! Technology does suck the life out of me at times. I have to agree w/ the commenter above me: Look at what you have accomplished and be proud!

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  10. Awww, Sweetie, this sad realization comes just in time to tell you- “slow down!” This beautiful, straight-from-the heart confession gains you more respect from us, your friends. The big girl in you will prevail and Jason will pull through with your endless support. Blogging can wait, we can wait. Meanwhile, I join the community in praying for more strength and courage for you to sail on- and on! God is good all the time. Take care, my Dear. God Bless you and your family!

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  11. I think taking a break from one thing is a good Idea…..adding a side business is probably the best one to choose. I could never give up my WWF either. I hope you have a wonderful summer and next year make your goals smaller those were some biggies!

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  12. I know where your coming from.
    I took a break from both my blogs, which I was trying to do daily.
    Plus trying to visit and comment daily on blogs.
    My life was surrounded by blogging. UGH
    I was really burning out.
    While on break I still visited other blogs and began to see not everyone blogs daily.
    It’s ok to blog 2-3 times a week and not feel pressured.
    We all need to take a break from something.

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  13. I so hae been there and done that. Back when my older kids were in high school and all into sports and working full time. I thought I’d lose my mind. SLOW DOWN and enjoy your family. Like the others said. The rest will be there IF and when you are ready to pick it back up. Just do what you can and what you ENJOY and the rest can slide. Family FIRST…. you don’t HAVE to be superwoman or supermom. Just mom… the kids and hubby will love you no matter what. THEY are more important than all those other things. I’m glad you’re slowing down… just dont STOP it all altogether. Remember… if yall need a break you can always head to HOTlanta! πŸ˜‰

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  14. I have been blogging for awhile now… I tried the picture a day thing. I tried the post a day thing. I tried being deep and meaningful every time.
    I realized that if I don’t look forward to what I am going to say, I don’t say anything. So I have tried to relax. I still forget sometimes and stress myself out. And I don’t even do Twitter and I rarely remember to touch my FB account. So, I think you are amazing.
    Just sit back, enjoy your girls, take pictures and post the ones that make you happy. Share the words that inspire you. We want to hear what you have to say. We’ll wait until you are not busy. Love you!

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  15. Twitter??!! I think I have dust 5 inches thick on my account. Facebook gets updates occasionally and my blog can be happy with 2 posts a week right now. I think it’s great that some people can be so socially active, but this introvert has a hard time with it all.
    It’s okay to slow down and enjoy life. Have a fun summer with your honey and the girls. =)

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  16. Hi Angelia:

    Thank you for sharing all that you did…I think the end of your post (with pictures) was a reminder of what it is all about.

    I can identify with what you wrote about tech overload and the feeling that, as much as I try, I cannot learn everything I want to. I am a marketing professional who’s in transition and hoping to start working with small businesses in my area and help promote them using social media. It would be an opportunity to help them while I gain some much needed experience. But everyday I sit here trying to learn…then…then Google+ is released. Or (insert the tech flavor of the day here) gains some buzz and I need to know that too.

    Based on all that you are juggling, it sounds like to you are doing things right and prioritizing what is important to you. In due time, when things settle down, you can resume some of your previous goals. I’ve been there too, as a caregiver for my mother who passed away earlier this spring… I had to shift focus on a lot of things.

    Good luck with everything!

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  17. Every field needs to go fallow so that new life can grow in it. Going fallow allows you to nourish yourself and your family. So, go with it. You can plant again later — the seeds are still there:~)

    I’m pleased for you that your kids are home. Enjoy them!!!

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  18. I think you absolutely awesome – and I hear you on the overload! I can’t and won’t do everything either. Sometimes, not doing is better than doing.

    Lots of love,
    Your overachieving cyber sister…

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