When They Hurt, I Hurt

I have four beautiful daughters. One is my blood, two are step, and one is grand.

All my Girls - 2018

There is something to be said about being a mother and having children. All the sudden your heart is walking outside your body. You will do anything to protect them – from heartbreak, disappointment, loss, fear, and confusion. This need to cover them from darkness is so fierce it’s hard.

So hard to let them go and watch them understand the ways of the world – some of the worst ways. The super hard ways. How people will disappoint them. Friends will turn on them. Troubles will come and go. When there are rights and wrongs, there is indifference too. Some whys we will never understand.

Your heart explodes because they are learning the way you learned. The hard way. The harsh way. The people will let you down way.

And I still want to fight for them. So what if the world can be cruel. I am still on their side. I will fight when they are hurt. When they hurt, I hurt.

My bonus girls are now 12 and 14.

Sisters - 2018

I know. I know. Just yesterday they were 2 and 4. So wittle. So chubby. So very magical. And now they are dang near grown. No more chub chub cheeks or a thousand questions. But still my kids. So you know what I mean when I say I don’t want them to hurt. This is the age when the hard truth of adulthood starts to slap them around a bit. Junior High and High School? Talk about waking up from being an innocent kid. Those are the years!

And this December was another harsh jar to their childhood. Their mother disappeared for 30 days. She did not tell the girls much. She only talked to my husband. I heard her say, “It sucks. It’s bad timing.” But that’s it. No I am sorry. No forgive me. No explanation to the girls other than she was in the “hospital”. She wasn’t. We knew that from reverse number look up. But no way to tell the girls about that. It’s not our place especially since we were not even supposed to know. But it is what it is.

.. this hurt my children. My bonus babes. My sweet, loving girls. To have their mother vanish. During Christmas and New Year’s no less.

Now don’t get me wrong. My husband and I loved it. We got to have an unexpected month long visit. Our whole family together and during the holidays! So this was fantastic for us.

But….what about the girls? Young girls that need their Mom. Yeah, Dad is great. Stepmom is nice. But your mom is your MOM. And I know exactly what it’s like to have her gone. It hurts. When they hurt, I hurt.

December was joyful. December was awful. I felt more sick for the girls as each day passed (even into January). I still have pains for them. But I know they are young and they heal quick. She is back and all is the way it was before (I guess).

She hasn’t really talked to us about it. She came back and that was it. I guess I am having a harder time getting over it than they are. I don’t need to know all the gritty details. I don’t even want to know. I just want to hear an I’m Sorry.

I’m sorry I hurt my children. I am sorry I had to do what I had to do. I am sorry I can’t open up about it. I am sorry I have to treat you like strangers.

And what about Thank you? Thank you for keeping the girls. Thank you for caring for them when I couldn’t. Thank for being there at Christmas. Thank your for holding them while they cried on New Years Day for their mother.

I know. I am asking too much. Demanding too much. I have no right.

But someone has to stand for these children. Someone has to fight.

I will always be there for my family. For my kids. For my husband.
The Family 2018

I can’t be sorry for that……and I won’t. Because this isn’t about me or how I want someone to act. This is about two precious girls who shouldn’t have to feel abandoned.

Happy Hallows Eve From the Pumpkin Farm

First off, I have signed up for this…
NaBloPoMo November 2014

Yes, really. It is time to write my heart out! Or at least share more photos. Like the ones from last weekend when we went to the pumpkin farm. And apparently, everyone else went to the pumpkin farm. And OHMYGOLLYWALLY so….many….people!

I wanted to rip my eyeballs out. A big part of me is very introverted and not a fan of crowds. I have to find a “real” pumpkin farm next year. One that is out in the country with lots of open space.

And the light? OHMYGOLLY The harsh rising sun light is just brutal to deal with. We had tiny slivers of shade that I could put a body in. So tiny.

But I did the best I could. I got lucky because the day Sydney and Baby Averey planned an outing with me is the same day the girl’s Mom was taking them. What an incredibly lucky break to have them all there together.

Here is a shot from the weekend before when Molly got her face painted scary.

© 2014 Angelia's Photography


Her stone look is chilling, right?

This last weekend was the farm and this was Averey’s first visit. She had so much fun, especially, when the girls showed up.

We found a baby pumpkin just her size.

My first year to get Mom and Baby together in the pumpkins.

My pumpkins!

I did a few photos of the girls too. They are growing so fast. My goodness, they will be teens soon. Where has the time gone?

We didn’t get photos on the tractor, but I have to tell you. It was near 90 degrees and the sun was beating down. Not to mention a billion people trying to take pictures, corral kids, and maybe buy a pumpkin.

So….yeah. Maybe next year I will have find a new venue.

Wishing you all have a very HAPPY and SAFE Halloween!

© 2014 Angelia's Photography

Eightness is Greatness

The youngest step-girl is eight years old today. EIGHT. I don’t want to believe it, but since I watched her turn three, then four, then five, then six, and FINALLY, a staggering seven. Well, that leaves us with eight. Eight is GREAT. Unless you are the adult that thinks your kid shouldn’t be eight, shouldn’t be ten, and shouldn’t be twenty! Sheesh! Not only that but her birthday is my husband’s half-birthday. He is HALF-WAY to 40! I know I shouldn’t stumble over that one, but my young husband is half-way to forty! I’m the older one…he is entering my decade???

This year for Bri’s birthday we settled on two GIANT gifts. What she decided on? Moon sand (because she really didn’t think she would get a kitty). And what she asked for? To visit Candy World at the mall (because she really didn’t think she would get a trampoline in her backyard).

But she did get what she REALLY wanted. I think?!?!

Regardless, our house got a new furry family member and pretty good-size play thing in the middle of our grass.

But first…

Meet Mya Madeline Violet – a six-week old black and white sweetheart.

© 2014 Angelia's Photography
She is almost as cute as the birthday girl.

We left the house that morning where Bridget was on lock-down in her room while construction happened in the backyard (trampoline).

As we were driving, she recognized the street of the place wherethekittieslive. I tried to tell her all the kitties were given away. But when we pulled up, I couldn’t lie, and admitted we might see if just one was left.

Of course, all three were there and had just turned six weeks old. I had my heart set on a grey tabby and was willing to make sure that one went home with us. However, as fate would have it, tabby would have nothing to do with us. She hissed and arched her little fuzzy back. I figured if she was this freaked out about Bridget, what would happen with FOUR dogs?

So, tabby stayed there and Mya not-scared-of-anything went home with us.

© 2014 Angelia's Photography

We had to stop at Petsmart since kitty had no potty, no food, and no bed at our place. We hooked da kitty up!

© 2014 Angelia's Photography

Then we headed home. As soon as Bridget walked in the front door, she could see the back yard.

Seeing the enormous trampoline for the first time shocked her senseless (luckily she held onto the kitty). By her reaction you would think we had built a circus back there. She freaked and then ran outside to show her Dad and sister her birthday kitty.

© 2014 Angelia's Photography

I made her give up the kitty (for a second) so she could have the inaugural jump on her birthday trampoline (pretty cool present as we split the cost with the girl’s mom).

And what can I say about this kitty? She is so sweet and brave. I must say we picked the best of the bunch. This little gal does not mind little hands holding her, nor carting her all around the house.

© 2014 Angelia's Photography

She does not mind dogs sniffing at her nether parts and following behind her to poke their nose into her hidey holes (Anna).

Nothing seems to phase her. She purrs when she is picked up. She eats and uses her litter box. She turns her nose up at the dogs. Sometimes, she tries to chase their tails (photos coming!). She likes to sit on our shoulders and watch TV.

She is the most chill cat. She reminds me so much of my B&W cat Gidjet (gone too soon). And by that I mean, she is perfect for a full house of dogs and kids.

© 2014 Angelia's Photography

We went on to celebrate with cake and ice cream. Bridget wanted a fancy cake. This was the fanciest one we could find (and the baker recommended it). Her eyes got so big and she couldn’t believe Dad listened to her and found the fanciest (lol).

© 2014 Angelia's Photography

This cake was super delicious.
© 2014 Angelia's Photography
And maybe a little too fancy for the kids. Heh.
© 2014 Angelia's Photography
Eight years of age. Eight years of watching her grow taller and thinner, wiser and more fun. She can finally match her sister wit for wit. And this girl won’t back down.

I think she had a pretty special birthday.
© 2014 Angelia's Photography

Happy Birthday, Bridget!! You do eightness with greatness.

Three Kitties and a Baby

Is there anything cuter?

Recently, I got to take the grand baby and my two little younger girls to see three four-week-old kittens.

And…OH MY WORD…four-week-old kitties are SO CUTE! And no, I don’t need another animal, but I miss my B&W cat. I miss an indifferent pet that doesn’t follow me from room to room, making me trip, stop, and swerve just to get around my house. I miss the soft fur and how they keep themselves clean. I miss the sound of purring and they way they rub their face on your leg.

I miss having cats so much, I started feeding the neighborhood stray cats, except, I don’t think they are stray. I bet their owners wonder why they are getting so chunky. Ha.

My cat, Gidjet, had the coolest vibe. She meshed with the dogs and didn’t let anything phase her. She could “talk” and open doors. I only wanted to yell at her when she brought half-alive mice in the front door, but I knew it was an act of love….so how could I be mad? She has been gone for many years now. It’s finally been long enough that I think I could accept another cat, not to replace her, but to remember her playful spirit.

But back to the kitties. The sweet four-week-old kitties who will just be old enough to bring home on Bridget’s birthday. And the question is…do we or don’t we?



Whitaker (the only boy).


The baby loved the kitties and she is not quite mobile enough to get close. The girls went nuts (as you can see).

And the kitties, well, they all seemed to go with the flow. Even Mama didn’t mind us handling her younguns’.
© Angelia's Photography 2014
And who knows? Maybe, I can talk my husband into a kitty…
© Angelia's Photography 2014
Or maybe the birthday girl can talk him into a kitty…
© Angelia's Photography 2014
Or maybe one of these cute faces will do the trick. No matter what happens…we had a blast visiting. We love the kitties and do hope they find good homes. I wish I could take them all. Then, I could start a show – Seven Pets and Counting.

Just kidding, honey (ha ha ha!).

WordPress tells me today is my 5th year of blogging. Happy Blogiversary to me! I think a really nice anniversary present would be a kitty, yes?