Category: The good the bad and the beautiful

Dear Blank (a funny),

On By AngeliaIn The good the bad and the beautiful25 Comments

Got this by email from one of my friends. It’s rare for me to get something I haven’t seen, something as fresh and as funny as this piece is. I have no one to credit, but truly whoever wrote it… Please know how much I appreciate the laugh on this dreary day. Readers enjoy a chuckle until I get my next post done – which is in drafts – full of gorgeous landscape photography. Please note……If you are easily offended skip this post.


(source)

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight Fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Jacob

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just
saying…
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTH
happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely,
Jack

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback,
That’s enough.
Sincerely,
The World

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco….
Sincerely,
United States

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Anne Frank,
Two can play this game….
Sincerely,
Waldo

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Americans,
I’m sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn’t hear you over my health care
benefits.
Sincerely,
Canadians

Dear Global Warming,
You’re the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely,
Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,
You’re welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear Mr. Gump
What are you talking about? There’s a little diagram on the lid that tells
you EXACTLY what you’re gonna get….
Sincerely, Jenny

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream…. What
now?
Sincerely,
Leonardo Di Caprio

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some
Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear Snooki,
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely,
Willy Wonka

Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear Twihards,
If he sparkles, he’s probably one of ours .
Sincerely,
Gay Men Of America

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of
shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up…
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here
first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

The Making of a Pet Star

On By AngeliaIn Angel Lia's Photography, FAMILY, Posessed by Nikon, The good the bad and the beautiful23 Comments

First you take (preferably) a camera-shy pet.

Notice camera shy pet - faces away from the camera.

Give them a little boost of confidence. Like a nice scarf to wear.

Have the pet face their fears - like modeling.

Encourage their performer to break out.

Calm them with sweet words and lots of pats.

Speak nothing of lights, camera, and action. That will make them nervous. Speak of fame, fortune, and top shelf kibble.

A scared pet model just needs direction, and the right clothes.

If nerves show in the eyes. Never fear. It will only magnify their fear. That is not what we want.

We want star performance. We want runaway strut. We want diva.

Help them embrace the calm and find their inner focus.

Praise them with love and whispers of encouragement.

Have them envision world peace and yoga breathing.

Inside your pet, there is a canine goddess waiting to be free. Give you dog the bow to WOW.

With these tips, a chic wardrobe, and a great photographer (heh), your pet will shine in no time.

Straight to the top.

Strike a pose.

America, just in time for Valentine’s day, we have the next sweetheart of Animal Planet.

Miss Anna in her high fashion winter garmets.

Please give her some paw. What a lovely lady and faaaaabulous pet model superstar.

Disclaimer**No pets were harmed in the making of this post. Special thanks to costume designer Molly and stylist/acting coach Sydney.**

**This post may or may not be a result of abnormally cold temperatures affecting the minds of warm bodied (mostly normal) family members who suddenly get the urge to dress and model their dogs.**

**Anna is fine**

**I promise!**

That’s a wrap!

Snowpocalypse 2011: Coming to a Superbowl near you.

On By AngeliaIn Don't ever leave the house, The good the bad and the beautiful17 Comments

It’s here! (well, almost)

Apocalypse Snow Storm
(source)

The weather map at current posting time shows the beginning nibbles of a HONGRY snow! It’s coming to storm your town and make history!

Like our Snowpocalypse last year, remember that?

Yes, it really happened. We made history last year February 2010 - 12 1/2 inches in twenty-four hours in North Central Texas (Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex).

I think there will be records that eat that one for breakfast, right Chicago?

Anyway, I have properly stocked up on Chocolate Cherrios, Little Debbie Oatmeal Pies, and those mini chocolate donuts (don’t judge).

I eagerly watch the temperature thermometer like a TJ Maxx opening day sale. Drop, drop, drop.

It’s not just for a snow day…..really! I want it to freeze BEFORE I go to work. I do not want my “fiction” story to be based on actual events.

It’s all highway bridges through downtown Fort Worth, and no…….the sand truck won’t help. See they misjudge here, they are not sand/salt road experts. They prematurely sand the streets (wet). It freezes. SOLID. It’s really unhelpful. They may realize their mistake and sand again, but with three trucks? It could take a while. In the meantime, the cars will mount up on the incline of the bridges, unable to reach the top, and begin sliding BACKWARDS (while spinning out) right into where your car is sitting with cars behind you. See what I am saying? It’s ice bumper cars (I’m talking to you Wisconsin-Pittsburgh Superbowl visitors).

Yes, a master can drive on slick streets, on sanded streets even, but not here. Mkay?

Stay inside. Eat your oatmeal pies. Grab an icicle lollipop, and make some snow cream. It’s Party Snowpocalypse 2011.

And if it gets too much, too cold, too brittle, too dark, too desperate and you run out of oatmeal pies? Just think happy beach thoughts. The power of positive thinking, yes?

A beach day-dream in winter.
Bridget- Galveston Beach – November 2010

Caption Contest Winner!

On By AngeliaIn The good the bad and the beautiful10 Comments

I am so glad Jason was the judge of the Caption Contest and not me. I was rolling on the floor from some of these. I loved them ALL! He had a real hard time choosing, but in the end, went with……

Team Edward V. Team Jacob:Who Will Bella Choose? - by Charisa

Congratulations Charisa who shares the same birthday as me, and I, too, used a vampire reference! Indeed, we are cosmic twins!

Jason picked two runner’s up (because we are nice like that):

“You put how much money on our Pet Smart card?!”

“But honey, I bought this nice collar for you”

    Submitted by Kimberly from All work and no Play makes Mommy go something, something blog.

And if you can’t tell from the blog name, she is a hoot.

And…..

Oh ****!

    Submitted by Mandy from Mandyallen.com Where life begins blog.

When I see Anna’s face, it perfectly depicts this phrase. *By the way no dogs were harmed in the making of this caption contest, just sayin’.*

I decided to post a few more favorites as well.

Sydney’s pick-

Geez…no need to bare all that calcium. All I was saying is that the collar would look a lot better down HERE a bit…

    Submitted by the very witty Jessica from Booshy blog.

We both get tickled when we read that since the little paw is pulling the collar down. Ha. Booshy was my very first blog friend commenter, for reals.

Angelia’s pick-

Dude, you need to back that mouth up. The breath alone is killer.

    From my dear funny blog friend Foxy who writes The Fox Den blog.

I’ve been a fan from day one of finding her. She is pregnant with her FIRST baby. I get to meet her in March to take maternity photographs and I….can’t…..wait! Squeeee!!

This was very fun. You are all crazy wonderful for participating and giving us so much joy and laughter – which we always LOVE. I hope you enjoyed as well. If ever I get another great caption photo, we will definitely do it again (odds are high since I am taking photos EVERY day for 365 project).

Thank-you, each and every one. Enjoy the weekend!