Christmas in a Snow Globe

On December 27, 2012December 27, 2012 By AngeliaIn Angels among Us35 Comments

It happened……again!

I can’t say it is the first time the Dallas/Fort Worth area experienced snow on Christmas, because guess what? A few years ago, snow gently tumbled into Cowtown just in time for the big day. It made Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning so beautiful……I was moved to write a poem about my Christmas Dream it inspired.

That year marked my very first white Christmas that I can remember since moving to Texas – twenty, or so years ago. You might say….I have been deprived. And perhaps, that is why Old Man Winter granted me another – a mere three years later. And this time, I have my camera with me. And honestly, I am perfectly content to watch the kids stomp in, and out of the house. Eyes bright, and cheeks red as they warm their hands in front of the portable heater only to beg, and plead, to return outside – five minutes later.

I look through the window at the falling snowflakes – tumbling, swirling, and drifting. Mom, husbands, and sister-in-laws chatter about life while glancing out the windows in time to see a child’s back dash from a flying snowball. Shrieks and giggles ensue.

I am heavy, and stuffed from turkey, ham, and the best sweet potato casserole in the whole universe. I enjoy this relaxed view, observing, rather than partaking in any fun outside with no coat or gloves. Did I mention it wasn’t snowing or super cold when we left for Grandma’s house?

Well….

As I was saying…toasty and happy, I have no problem keeping my feet dry inside the house while waiting to dive into the wondrous desserts of CHOCOLATE PIE (my fave!), and many other goods – iced sugar cookies from scratch, cheesecake, pumpkin pie.

Utterly and totally satisfied……..until I saw her……

And once I saw her, I couldn’t NOT see her.

With her bowl of snow, and her cherub cheeks. She practically begged me to come take her photo.

So…I did.

I grabbed a plastic bag, made a hole for my lens, and out I went. No coat. No gloves.

And it was wonderful.

The more I looked. The more I saw.

The more I saw. The more I had to take.

There was something about them…….all covered in snow.

Reverent in their crystal white setting.

I venture to all parts of the yard – front, back, and side – looking at every thing I can find transformed by the wintry atmosphere.

I guess I got carried away.

But having wet feet and cold fingers is absolutely worth it.

In the end, my little wonderland adventure got me some great prints for my mom-in-law of her snow-white garden(Christmas present next year?).

And the chocolate pie for dessert? Tasted even better.

Hope you all had a very Merry and wonderful Christmas.

Did you have a white one, too?

A place I return to……

On July 30, 2012July 31, 2012 By AngeliaIn Angels among Us, Beautiful Life21 Comments

I pulled through the narrow opening of the rusty swing gate. I steered the car carefully down the gravel path making the sharp left turn. I stopped and backed up going off-road, inwardly cringing I could be driving over a grave. I apologized in my head and straightened the car to face back the direction I came. The rusty white gate lay ahead in the distance. I briefly wondered if I could navigate the beast back through without a scratch…then pushed the thought aside.

I was stalling.

This is the hardest part for me. Getting out of the car and walking to the grave.

Most times I like to go alone because, with him, my emotions are raw. Too raw for me to share easily. Plus, I like talk to him. I tell him everything. Oh I know he is not there, not physically, but in my heart, I know he hears me. I know this is what I need.

I exit the car and briefly wonder if I should take my camera, then I think….no, I have my phone. The slam of the car door seems too loud in the small, quiet graveyard. I softly crunch through the yellow grass as I head towards the black stone. I glance at the other stones, and I smile sadly.

This place. Where so many cried, and yearned, and missed someone deeply. It’s not just their loved ones here, but part of them too. The part that died with them.

I approach his grave expecting the brick to hit my chest, and the burning tears to fly as my throat chokes. I wait and I smile my sad smile in remembrance of such a wonderful father and I realize………

I’m not as sad as years past.

In fact, I almost didn’t come this year. So many things to do, at home, and with the kids. Physical ailments – hives, hormones, and the stress of work on top of work.

I needed to get so many things done. I did not have time to drive six hours to Oklahoma and back to visit a grave. A stone. A stone in the ground and that is it.

Yet, here I am………because I couldn’t NOT come.

It was on a Sunday then too…..FOUR years ago……I hugged his neck for the last time.

I didn’t know it would be the last time. How could I? He was fine. He was my rock. He was always going to be there…..at least for many more years.

But in an instant. A blocked artery. A fateful night. He was gone. So suddenly.

So I come. I come on the Sunday I saw him last. I come to remember, and to thank him for all his years.

I bend down. Surprised by the peace I feel. Surprised that the years passing really do make it easier. My hand rests on the hot stone.

We talk.

And it ends as it always ends. My heart emptying out my thankfulness for his goodness, for his love, and for his shining example of strength. His handicap taught me so much about always pushing forward with your head up – no matter what.

My God, if a crippled man could do life so well. I could too. I could learn from my mistakes. I could love myself in spite of my failures….in spite of my anxieties…..in spite of my overwhelming stress of doing too much, seeking too hard, and falling over my dreams in a rush.

I feel his pride in my soul. My strength. The reason I keep my head up.

Maybe he is gone. Maybe he isn’t.

The tears drop as I turn away. In a blur, the dry dirt swallows them.

I turn to see his view and I think…how perfect.

A beautiful setting for a beautiful soul.

I whisper as I walk away….I’ll see you again…..real soon. And I smile.

Digital Destiny

On January 12, 2011January 12, 2011 By AngeliaIn Angels among Us, In my heart forever & ever, Posessed by Nikon15 Comments

Did I ever tell you why I got my camera? It wasn’t just from scouring blogs and seeing Ahh-mazing pictures, wishing I could take photos like those (that was part of it). But it was also because of my Dad.

He always had a camera. He always took pictures. Now, were they good pictures? Eh, not so much, but he loved taking them.

We have pictures of every cat he had, every dog, every weekend visit. When he was stationed in Germany, he took tons of pictures of quaint German towns he visited, and other places in Europe. Plus, every visit as adults with and without grandkids. Every one.

And he didn’t take them just of us, and his pets. He took them of every animal he ever found as well. His hog nose snake, Inky Stinky the skunk, turtles, lizards, and more. Any wild life he found or discovered, he was taking a photo. The last one I remember him showing me, with deep chuckles and grins, were of three baby raccoons trapped in a trash can at the local park. The pictures were found laid out on his desk after he died.

He had discovered the triplets on his daily walk, ran home and got his camera, then tipped the can low enough to take their picture inside. Then he called the park ranger to rescue them and waited until he did. He got the biggest kick out of that. Those baby coons in the trash. Little scavengers with thoughts of sweet nothings in their head having no idea they’d get stuck and be using their big eyes to peer up and spot my Dad.

That was my Dad. He loved wild life. He loved animals. He had a heart for rescue and nature. With all his might, he would try to capture those moments with his little disposable camera.

When he died, I used some funds from his insurance policy to buy my Nikon D3000; my first DSLR. A tribute to him. A camera that does capture what you want it to, in the way you want it to, without ever disappointing. It’s amazing.

It ignited a fire, a desire to learn everything about photography. And now, I have taken the next step in my journey. One year after purchasing my DSLR, and one year after my father’s death, I took my first class to get certified in photography, and not only know my way around the lens creatively, but technically as well.

I met my teacher last night. He is a wild life and landscape photographer. He volunteers at Fossil Rim (an animal wild life park), and at the local animal shelter (plus he teaches photography every night).

Don’t think I didn’t catch the significance in that. Don’t think I didn’t notice his love of animals. And don’t think I didn’t miss his teaching pictures are of meerkats and hawks.

Don’t think I didn’t realize how destined this class was. Oh Dad, my Daddy-O, you are here. In my heart and with me every step. I miss you and I thank you for the love you instilled. I know you would be proud, and just as delighted as I am.

If I did happen to miss all those important things, I certainly would not have missed the picture I took later that night for my 365 project.

I saw the “one” significance to my day. All the ones pointing up towards the heaven. Do you know there is a story that when it’s 11:11 all the Angels point their wings to the sky? I don’t know if this is a true tale, or a child’s tale, but I always think of that when I see 11:11. Yesterday not only was it 11:11, it was 1/11/11.

I saw my digital destiny and I can’t wait.

An Angel in Scrubs

On September 28, 2010 By AngeliaIn Angels among Us22 Comments

Please excuse the double post. For one, Blessed are the Merciful, did not post on feeds.

For two, the surgery hasn’t happened yet. Yes, we have been waiting all day.

I do want to explain more clearly. Yesterday morning, we got a call that Jason’s mom, Sue, got a sudden splitting headache with nausea and vomiting. It hurt so bad, she asked her husband to take her to the ER. This amazing woman would not even go to the Doctor for a major spider bite until a week later, when come to find out, it was a BLACK WIDOW. To say she is tough is an understatement. For her to REQUEST emergency service? Very bad and we knew it.

They found a brain hemorrhage. A big one. Ten to twelve centimeters on the right side of her head. She did not lose any feeling or movement in her arms, legs, and fingers. She is very aware of where she is, who she is, and what is going on. They did have to drain the pressure off the brain yesterday with a tube. She has a nice new haircut for the wedding and will have an even prettier one when they do brain surgery to fix the hemorrhage.

That is where the tricky part comes in. She was born without a crossover vein. One major artery feeds the left brain. One feeds the right. Nothing in the middle. The surgery is VERY difficult. One false snip and she is brain dead on the right side. The staff at XYZ hospital assured us, they could do such a delicate surgery no problem. They assured us, she was in capable hands. Did I mention they seemed a little TOO happy? Reminding me of Grey’s, but I digress.

XYZ RN’s were needing reminders of her bed angle for her drain. They had to take blood three times, because the machine didn’t read it right (huh?). Let’s just say, our confidence was not boosted.

This morning when they did the mapping for her brain and the surgery, everything seemed well. The surgery staff meet Jason, the husband, and other brothers. All seemed capable and confident – ahem, eager. It can be a good sign. Then the anesthesiologist stepped up to meet with them. Alone. He looked them in the eye and said, “Don’t do this here.”

Imagine the crumbling foundation as this news took hold. Sue was in pre-op. Ready to go. He told them his mother had this same thing happen three months ago. He gave them the name of top neurological surgeon who does these day in and day out. He also shared that the Doctor doing the surgery at XYZ hospital had only done THIS tricky type of surgery FOUR months ago. He was not seasoned, nor regular at it. Neither was the staff.

Grenade.

They could not in good conscience go through with it at that point, without first trying to find this neuro doc. Since XYZ hospital could not list the name of the hospital he worked at, the family had to find out for themselves (darn, you red hospital tape). Then…..see who would admit her, if a bed was available, and if the surgeon would do it. All right away, since the time bomb in her head is ticking. It was a waiting game for the insane.

Finally, this afternoon the transfer went through. We can breathe a little easier and KNOW she is going to get the BEST neuro care possible. I feel better about it already. Even more so, I know our prayers for guidance are being answered as this came down to the wire – literally.

An Angel in scrubs showed us the way. It also happens to be the hospital Jason supports in his IT field. Coincidence?

Our wedding is the least of our concern right now. Yes it will happen on Oct. 10th. God willing Sue will be there with a pretty pink head bandage, wheeled down the aisle by her sons.

My dear friends at work are already stepping up into her very large shoes. She was doing 90% of the wedding. In fact, I talked to her the night before about wedding stuff. She couldn’t wait and loved planning it. Knowing her, she is simply NOT going to miss it.

Keep praying my friends. We thank you with all our hearts. The surgery will be tonight or tomorrow morning.