There’s an App for THAT?!?

Oh yes, my friends, there is an app for the girly time of the month. If you are male, you should probably stop reading, go pick up a hammer, and do some grunting.

Now back to the girls, my sixteen-year old daughter, of all people, told me about this app. You input your time of the month start date into your handy-dandy calendar. Like so…

It will then track your length, time, duration and everything else you hate about having a period.

Then, it does the other times of the month. Ovulation, fertility, and a few other things *wink wink*. I wish there had been one of these when I was trying to get pregnant fifteen years ago.

You can input your aches and pains. Not real sure why this is important. A form of memory torture? Yeah, I remember the cramps that day. Owww……. %$&*(…..and the zit that month was a HUGE-O-MUNGUS.

You can even pick an icon to represent the day. Now personally for me, I would pick the angry icon. I mean, hello?!, period – feel crappy for five days – yeah.

So I have used the app for a few months, and being I am almost *coughcough* forty. I tend to forget things like WHEN my period is. I can usually tell by [insert angry icon here]. And how prickly my skin gets in a crowd of people.

Now, it’s brilliant! I don’t have to rely on my spidey sense. I can just go to my app; aka Period Tracker (aptly named-heh).

I’ll admit it comes in handy and it’s kinda fun. A little girly time of the month techno geek style.

Until you see this……


Now before you do flips and start rubbing my tummy and giving me that look, you know? That one……

The one I got a few weeks ago at Wendy’s eating lunch with Jason and the girls. I hadn’t seen the nice older Church couple since before the wedding. When she asked if congratulations were in order, I thought (wrongly) she meant the wedding. Um. Oops. Yeah, sorry. I went hypothyroid last endocrinologist visit. That’s the one that makes you GAIN weight. Nice, huh? I hadn’t seen her in a while and she thought…..yeah…..soooooo embarrassing.

And how do you move out of that situation? Um, have a nice lunch (awkward!).

But back to the app, which is totally and absolutely OFF it’s rocker.

I am not late (well I might be), but I am most definitely not pregnant like the screen screams – late! late! late!

I don’t have the “plumbing” to have any more babies (fallopian tubes). So if I was, it would be Jesus Jr.

Sometimes, maybe there shouldn’t be an app for THAT?!? Or at least add a heart defibrillator for that moment of what?!?.