How do you know if your guy is the one?

There are signs for and against – that is, if you believe in “the one” – that you can pay attention to while dating your man.

I always wanted to tell my colorful dating stories, but since the engagement, I didn’t feel it was right to bring them up. But now that the wedding is only a few days away, I decided it would be advantageous to list qualities of “the one” versus qualities of “NOT”. The qualities of not, I learned while furiously dating. These are all true based on my past dates (scary as that is). But, these learning moments helped me know who “the one” was, hope it helps you too.

You meet him at the bar. He gets upset when you talk to another guy after you just met him. Hmmmm…probably not the one and by the way….check for an ankle monitor.

He lives with his parents because (of course), he is helping THEM out. He is almost thirty years old and still in college. I would suggest waiting about ten years for this one.

He is not homosexual (not that there is anything wrong with that), but what turns him on is pictures of guys. However, he is into girls. Um. Run. Run far, far away before he brings out a strap-on from his fantasy stash. Eeek!

He shows you an engagement ring a week after you meet him, then laughs and says he bought it for his wife before they split (but he loved the look on your face!). Same guy drives you three hours to meet his sister in Austin, because it’s the only family he has and he really wants you to meet her since you are “the one”. He warns she can be a little rough…..what ends up being rough was when her ex-boyfriend shows up (because she calls him to come get his paycheck) and when your guy answers the door, he starts beating him up. The cops are called and he tells the cops the guy hit him first, because you know, the cops will believe someone without a record over one with. It was a loooooong ride back with a guy sporting a busted lip (and still no record). Get away from this brute, and bully – pronto!

He gives you a ride to the airport when you work out-of-town for a week because – he is your boyfriend and that is what boyfriends do – but when your plane is delayed six times and you finally land at 12 am (after a long day, and long work week), he is nowhere to be found. Does not answer his phone. You have no way to get anywhere even if you do get a ride home from the airport, because your car is parked at his house. Not to mention getting to the Easter carnival at Church you are volunteering for in the morning. Nope, no way to get there either. Finally at two am, you give up and call your girlfriend who lives by the airport to come get you. Of course, that is when the idiot finally shows up – IN YOUR CAR – and doesn’t say a word. No apologies, nothing. He was, uh, sleeping (?). Hey girls, boyfriend is a cheater and he moved on in the WEEK you were out-of-town. Be SO glad for that.

He is in school to be an anesthesiologist and he takes massive amounts of Adderall……to study. Um. Wow.

He tells you he tapped the phone of his ex-wife and loaded spy ware on her computer to track her keystrokes, so he could find out if she was cheating on him, and she was. You know if have to go to those lengths, then I think your relationship is done long before the cheating started. You don’t get far enough to find out what he did to her car or if a spy cam was involved, but it probably was.

Sitting next to him in the movies, you have to turn your head from the stench of his dragon breath.

He tells you to park anywhere at his apartment complex when you meet him for your first date. Upon return from your last date, your car is missing. He asks if you parked under the covered strip. You answer yes. He replies that you probably got towed since those are reserved spots. Guess what? You car WAS towed and it takes all your grocery money as a single mom to get it out. It sure wasn’t worth the dinner and movie!

You meet him and he opens the car door for you. He has held the same job for eleven years. He has his own car. He has his own house. He talks lovingly of his mother. He speaks lovingly of the mother of his children. He will not date, nor consider a date the weekend he has his children, since that is their time together. He never gets “mad” about anything. He shows up when he says he will, and where he says he will. He is polite to waiters, waitresses, store clerks, and holds the door open for other people to enter. He has no record, not even with the DMV. He takes a teenage girl shopping for school clothes. TEEN + SHOPPING = BEATING. But he doesn’t complain. He cleans. He cooks. He will even give up a football game for you (if you asked) (like on your wedding day). He brings you beautiful cards – EVERY holiday.

Including your favorite chocolates….

You both love the mountains, and the beach, and everywhere else you can explore and roam together.

He buys you a platinum engagement ring.

He loves his children and yours.

He holds you through the death of two fathers within eighteen months.

He is kind, sweet, encouraging, loyal, and faithful.

Do you know what you do with a guy like that? You marry them on Sunday.


I love you and can’t wait to marry YOU.

Ivory Heaven: My Whimsical Wedding

My newest wordless wordful Wednesday obsession – all things wedding. I’m attending to the details as it comes down to the wire.

Countdown – eighteen more days until my 10-10-10 wedding (phew). Sweet biscuits! It’s been a loooong ten month engagement, and finally it’s almost here. I am extremely excited!

Here are a few teasers for all you wedding/picture fanatics (like me).

Wedding ring

Veil and dress detail, to the left is the flower girl’s hair wreath

Cake top doves in the background of the flower girl basket

Toasting glasses and shoes in the background

The magnitude of this wedding is definitely a dream come true for me. I haven’t been too bridezilla(ish). I think? I will be working with my future mom, Sue, this week on the table and Church decorations. We did the shopping last weekend and it was fun, fun, fun. I don’t know if I mentioned how wonderful this family is. How helpful, loving, and kind. I am very, very blessed and couldn’t ask for more than I have recieved to be included and accepted so lovingly.

Truth is; the surprising divorce Jason went through with his ex was very hard on all of them, and it wasn’t easy opening their heart again to a new person. It wasn’t easy trusting that he wouldn’t get his heart broken again, but trust they did to welcome me, and Sydney with open arms. I am eternally grateful for that.

I hope you all don’t get sick of me and my scrabbled egg wedding brain. In mid-October, I will be back to normal (?), or at least more normal blog posts, like more writing and stuff. HA.

Wordful Wednesday: Engaging

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So why not try some engagement photos? My cousin Tasha on Sydney’s dad side volunteered herself and her fiance as my latest victims.
You read that right, my first husbands cousin. I hate the ex-in-law terms and will not use that for any of his family. Period. These are my friends and FAMILY. It doesn’t matter to me that we are not supposed to get along.

I adore her mother and sisters just as much and I adored meeting her future husband, Jason. They got to meet my Jason and the little girls. It was wonderful to see them and capture their happiness and future.

They drove several hours to do this photo shoot. They put up with us shopping for furniture when they arrived. Then driving across town to Southlake and not to mention over 100 degree temps. Plus, Sydney and I were both sick with the head cold crud. Oh, and Jason doesn’t like having his picture taken (heh!).

Despite all that? We had a lot of fun and a lot of laughs. I am very, very happy for them. They are a beautiful couple.

Tasha starts nursing school on Monday. If you could send her some good vibes, happy thoughts, and prayers. It is a HARD two years. They will get married after she is finished.

Thank-you so much and happy Wednesday!

*I am still offering free sessions to get practice and portfolio photos, if I decide to start a side business. Seriously, take advantage.*

A Defining Love

Love, some of us burst with it. I LOVE the sky, the sun, the moon. I LOVE to eat spaghetti with mushrooms! I apologize for the Dr. Seuss, it just came out. How Random!

Point is, it’s PASSION. Overwhelming – all out feeling passion. About living. About feeling. About basking in the glow of pure joy. I, myself, enjoy that part of me that gets awestruck. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I used to hold back (stop, I did!) but it’s just not me.

Last night, Jason and I attended a class at our Church. It’s called marriage foundations. They actually pair an engaged couple, or newly married couple with a long time married couple. For an hour and half in class you go over different things about founding a marriage that will last. Not one you try at, but one you DECIDE to be in for life. Then, as you learn things and go through the class, you have your mentors there to help as you go along. Not just in class, but anytime you might need help.

Now let me just say, I have been married twice. The first I tried at it, decided it wasn’t for me, and moved on. The second one, harder to explain, and it’s actually in another post if you want to look under the Joys of Writing tab. He was an atheist and I had no idea who or what I was.

Before I go rambling off topic (which is love by the way), I just want to say. I did not build a marriage in the first two. I did not work at it. I assumed being in love was all it took, falling out of love you divorced. SO..I’ve come a long way. And along that way, I discovered a God that loved me and wanted the best for me.

Marriage number three is not an easy thing to swallow at 38 (or 39 when we actually tie the knot). I will absolutely do anything to ensure our love foundation is STRONG. Not just for us, but for his two girls, and my daughter as well. Quite frankly, they deserve it. I will not put them through another divorce. Ever.

This class comes up and I’m emphatic we need to attend this. The timing is right, as long as his mom can keep the little girls for half an hour, which she can, and they are all thrilled about that. It’s only five weeks long, one night a week. Last night we went to class. Our first (and not last) effort to build a strong base for our lives.

Love. I love spaghetti. I love my spouse. Not the same kind of love is it? In Hebrew, he pronounced words for the three descriptions of love – uh not spaghetti love – but spouse love. Heh.

Raya-A friendship love. A soul mate love. A best friend love.

Ahava-A deep soul love. A love that hurts when you are away from them. A love that commits for life.

Dod-The uniting love of body, mind, and soul. Two become one. Intimacy.

Each represent a flame of love for each other. Together all three burn to form the hottest, most intense satisfying love between two people. A love that does not flicker, or extinguish. One flame by itself could be compromised. It’s not vigorous. It could burn, but not as intensely. Two flames could burn as well, but which of the three above would you chose to live without and still be happy? The answer, based on my experience, is none. It takes all three to sincerely love your spouse in the purest, most deserving way, not just for them, but for you too. It’s truly the way God wanted it to be. A unity, uniting together to be brighter, and fiercer.

As I was driving home, I felt ahava as I missed Jason very much. His graduate school is very hard and demanding. He has chapters to read and projects due. We are split between three households. His, mine, and the little girls who live with their mom. We really don’t have a lot of time together. I was comforted by this flame of love for him. I was comforted by a bright future times three, which got me thinking….

Three flames.

Three daughters.

Three tens.

Our marriage date, 10-10-10, time of ceremony 3:10pm. Coincidence? Or an undeniable design of a Trinity with God at the center. An impending covenant set alight by using each of us as an accelerant.

I had no idea about the three flames of love until last night. Now, it all makes sense. Love defined.

“Three things will last forever – faith, hope and love – and the greatest of these is love.
1 Cor 13:13

Update- If you’d like to watch the video and don’t mind spanish subtitles I have included here