Fractured Moments

On May 2, 2011May 3, 2011 By AngeliaIn In the lives of children, Mon Dieu! and all that stuff.47 Comments

A frantic voice calling hello on a voice mail; scared, and hurt. A stranger telling you from your husband’s phone that they were in an accident. They. The family. My family. Two little girls – my stepdaughters, my husband, and………my teenage daughter? Was she with them?

I can’t understand him. This stranger. This man with my husband’s phone. I start to panic. How will I know where they are, or what happened? I hear a hospital name. THAT I do know.

Shaking……..Shocked……..Shocking……..I leave. I don’t know what I’ll find, but I head to the hospital.

I text my daughter. TM: Were you with them?

She is always with them, but she had told me she might go to a friend’s house. Did she?

There was no reply.

They weren’t at the hospital. There are no ambulances in dock. No sirens. Nothing.

The silence is deafening. The unknown – terrifying – pressing and pressing its steely claws of fear.

My phone rings and it’s my husband’s name, but it’s not him. It is a paramedic telling me my two step-daughters are being transported to the children’s hospital in downtown. My husband, and sixteen-year old daughter to the hospital across the street from the children. This? Made it very real.

I left the wrong hospital. I still didn’t know if they were okay or not, but I knew it was very serious.

My husband’s brother is with me. He is calm. I feed off his calm. I need calm, because I so badly want to fall apart. But I can’t. Not now. Maybe? Not ever.

I use the phone. Shaking hands dial the number. I call the mom of my four, and seven-year old step daughters. I call her to tell her…….both of her children are on the way to a children’s hospital by ambulance.

And I don’t know. I don’t know anything.

It is the most helpless feeling in the world. I hear her pain, her panic, her raw emotion. I wish I could help her, comfort her, but I am numb.

I have to pick which hospital I go to. I have to choose a room, and a person. I can’t see all four. I can’t know all at once.

I need to pray……. but I can’t remember how to pray. I want to cry……..but I can’t remember to do that either.

All I can do is repeat the phrase going through my mind. I trust you, Lord. I trust you. I know you will keep my family safe. I know you won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I trust you, Lord. I do.

In the ER, in a tiny room off the red line. I see my daughter’s gray-blue eyes. They are just above the rim of her neck brace. She has blood streaks all over legs. A spot of dried blood on her forehead and in her ear. She cradles her right hand covered in a bloody gauze. But she is awake. She is aware. She knows I’m here.

I want to cry, but I can’t. They are taking her off the back board.

My husband is around the corner. I find him. I see blood. So much blood. He is in a neck brace too. They are cutting his clothes off. But I see his clear blue eyes. I hear him talk. I bend my face over him. I am here.

Tears well, but they do not fall.

The paramedics tell me the little girls are at the ER and in rooms. Sydney tells me they were okay when she was with them, just scared, but not hurt (I hope).

I try to make sense of what happened and how. I ask questions.

I hear different versions from traumatized accounts.

I try to piece it together. The back drivers side tire struck by a turning truck. The Jeep rolled and landed upright. Pieces all around.

I head across the street. I have to see the little girls. My husband, their dad, on a stretcher in the ER needs me to see the little girls. My eyes spot the littlest one first. She is so scared. I can see it in her lower lip quiver. I ask her if she can speak and she nods. She takes a deep breath and says, “Yes, I can.” Using her brave voice with no quiver. Breaks my heart. I touch her silky hair. Her little voice so small trying to be so big.

The oldest step-daughter, Molly, smiles when she sees me. Her smile is all I see beneath the hulking neck brace. I see all her teeth in her bright grin. I almost lose it.

These precious babies…….so brave……so scared………but alive and breathing. I hug them. I kiss them. I tell them I love them. Oh, how much I love them!

I witness…. a miracle.

My family survives a very tragic, and scary ordeal.

Six hours after their arrival, I drive Jason and Sydney home. The little girls released long before to their mother who hugged me when I saw her, because God knows we needed all the hugs we could get.

It was over. They would heal. Emotionally and physically, but they were all still with us by the grace of God. His hand on them. His protection over them. I trust you, Lord. I do.

I visit the wrecker service lot. I see the Jeep. I feel the impact of what my family went through. I finally cry.

2008 JEEP Wrangler rolled.

Point of impact, back tire wheel.

Thick metal chunks were found through the entire car.

The spot where my sixteen-year old sat. Passenger side front.

She was eating an ice cream cone…with sprinkles.

The crushed windshield from the roll.

My step-daughter Bridget always holds this phone and plays music on it. She was holding it when the accident happened.

My step-daughters visit the day after the accident. They look amazing, and more beautiful than ever.

The littlest.

The biggest.

Their faces are so happy. So full of life. So overwhelmingly gorgeous.

We try out the new booster seats for my car. Ones that have the high-back like they had in Dad’s Jeep. But this time…they have a protective head rest too.

New high-back booster with head rest.

The youngest in the car ready to head home.

The new car seats are pink. Of course….

These fractured moments bring me clarity. They breathe new appreciation for our most precious cargo – family. My Sydney survived a horrific accident in the front of a badly crushed vehicle. I will never forget the moment I saw her side of the vehicle. My husband got to hold his children again and tell them he loved them after losing sight of them at the scene and not knowing for many hours how they were and not seeing them for more than 24 hours. I get to appreciate life in a whole new way.

One second. One moment……can change everything.

I know many of you prayed from Facebook. I can’t thank you enough. I believe God heard our cries.

I trust you, Lord. I do.

Super Secret Project Revealed

On March 21, 2011March 21, 2011 By AngeliaIn Angels among Us, Beautiful Life, FAMILY, In my heart forever & ever, LOVE10 Comments

Well, it happened.

We pulled it off. A surprise birthday party for Jason’s mom (Happy Birthday Mom!).

She thought we had all forgot. No party, no grandkids, no handsome sons.

No presents, no cake.

Boy was she ever wrong – because this family? – knows how to party.

Surprise!

The best gift of all? HER. Being with us. Second best? We had already gotten together on the sly for her birthday present.

~~A gift of photographs.~~ A gift of love (and photographs) for a woman who doesn’t just teach about love, but lives it, and passed it on to her family.

She showed us all the power of family when we met in those hospital waiting rooms praying with all our heart for her healing. She showed us the power of strength when she emerged from intensive care and knew her families faces and names after a brain aneurysm leak and a stroke on top of it. Then she showed us the power of miracles because she is still with us today. Walking, talking, and loving us all.

She tells the story of Jesus sitting with her during her dark days of a coma and encouraging her to go back and tell her family she loves them.

Never mind that we already knew that. Her story touches many, many hearts. Even the printers were moved by it.

I am intensely proud to be part of this family, it’s not just strength of it, but the compassion and care that drives it. And Sue? Is the best driver I know.

Happy Birthday to my sweet mother-in-law. We are SO glad you are here to celebrate.

Photo book with verses from 1 John Chapter Four.

She tells us to tell our kids we love them every day. The grandkids wanted her to know…………tell your grandma too.

Lots of love shared on this day.

Most of the grandkids are seeing their photographs for the first time.

Lots of birthday hugs for Grandma.

I love her joy (and her hair is sooo cute!).

She passed her love down through the generations. To a stunning group of children. I have no doubt these kids will continue to honor love with their future families just as she has.

What a special day and celebration of a beautiful woman inside and out.

1 John 4:16
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

There is a story, for every day, of every year past.

On December 5, 2010December 5, 2010 By AngeliaIn Angels among Us, Timeless Treasures23 Comments

Do you remember this time last year? What you were doing? Where you were going?

Do you have days when you realize…..Wow, that was a YEAR ago…….really? It stuns you.

You can’t believe the time has flown by, that it’s December, almost Christmas and New Year’s (again).

I have glimpses of those years past all the time. Maybe, it’s just having a good memory, or from the photos I take.

For instance, I came across this photo.

castbowling — Two years ago, bowling with a broken right hand.

This was at the end of the seven weeks casted at my friend Karen’s birthday party. My cast was pretty grimy and I had (almost) mastered being a one-handed (with a non-dominate left hand) typer, writer, hair washer, and eater extraordinaire. Amazing what you can do when you have to. However, my bowling was not so hot – at all. I always remember my cast this time of year, because I could NOT put up the tree one-handed.

Last Thanksgiving, this is what the girls looked like together. Crazy cute, right?

This year.

Still crazy cute!

What’s funny about this is Brownie. Last year, Molly had a death grip on Fred; my mom’s Shih-tzu and our love of Fred is the reason we ended up getting Brownie Poo in July.

Yesterday was my Dad’s birthday. His last birthday.

A year ago today, was the last day I hugged my dad, and kissed his cheek.

We drove to Ada on Saturday. Sydney made her first loooong driving trip in the driver’s seat under our supervision (notice I was in the backseat). She was fifteen with her freshly printed permit.

syddrivingtooklahoma — Sydney with only her drivers permit driving to Oklahoma.

She did very, very good. We drove straight to the hospital where dad had checked himself in about a week or so before. He had a hernia that perforated part of his bowel and they had done surgery. I had talked to him on the phone, his birthday, and he sounded pretty weak. But fact is, he had worse things happen health-wise in his life. This wasn’t anything. But…in all the hustle and bustle of this time of year, I opted to just stop, and spend the day traveling to Oklahoma to see him. Just in case. IF something happened, I didn’t want to have any regrets, or I should haves….

We arrived to his room and he looked a little more worn than I expected, but better than what he had sounded on the phone. He did look older. Jason, Sydney, and I sat and visited for a while. I don’t like hospitals. I, especially, don’t like Valley View. My grandpa died there, my second cousin, my step-dad…..I just don’t like the place. The only thing good from Valley View was the memory of seeing my favorite aunt, dad’s sister, there. She used to work at the front desk and as a crazy teen I would stop by to see her. But she had moved to Houston many, many years ago.

Dad was watching football.

Dad was a man with nine and half-lives.

Dad was going to be fine.

I left the hospital room with a squeeze and a kiss fully knowing, I would see him again. At home, in front of his big screen TV, watching OU, with his trusty Buddy dog at his side.

We went to the local Mexican food place for my fill of queso with mushrooms from Polo’s. The only place that makes it just the way I looooves it. When we go to pay, I realize, I don’t have my purse. Now, you know what happens when a girl realizes she doesn’t have her purse, and all her worldly possessions on her persons.

Yeah.

It’s panic mode. I searched the car, the restaurant, the sidewalk……everywhere….and came up with only ONE place it could be. My dad’s hospital room.

Huh.

Isn’t that strange? Because, I never lose my purse. Or forget it.

Never.

At first, I was a little irritated. We had said good-bye already. We were ready to hit the road for the long three hours of driving. What was this?

Then, I gathered my thoughts. I listened to my instincts. One thing I wished I had done was brought dad a present, or a card. In our rush, we had just taken off from Texas and came to the room empty-handed. So we went to the local Wal-Mart and I shopped for my dad’s Christmas. I shopped to cheer him up in that dreary white-walled hospital room. And I brought him his favorite things – OU stuff.

I also, picked up a Christmas fern plant in substitute for a Christmas tree, just in case, he was stuck there until close to Christmas.

dadsoublanket — Dad's OU blanket and Christmas fern.

He brightened up when we returned. It wasn’t just the gifts either. It was the surprise, the second visit in a day. I didn’t even mention my purse sitting on the empty hospital bed in his room. He kept wanting me to hold his blanket up so he could see all the colors (he is color blind like me). Reds he DOES see. The furry bear guy – which I have no idea what he has to do with OU – reminded him of his Buddy dog. He loved it. He had me lay it out on the bed next to where he was sitting. We admired the blanket. We admired the Christmas fern. We watched some football together, talked, and laughed. I left happy I had gone back. I needed that time and his smiles. No regrets. I knew, I just knew, he was going to be fine and recover – like always.

Dad passed away about midnight the next day of major heart failure.

My last-minute trip to Oklahoma. My return to that hospital room. It was no accident. It was a gift. My Christmas gift. From God, from dad, from the world of father’s and daughter’s. It was my last good-bye. My last memory.

Oh, how I cherish my favorite blanket.

Merry Christmas Dad. I miss you. I remember this day…has it really been a year?…and I’ll never forget it.

Don’t Give Up

On October 4, 2010October 4, 2010 By AngeliaIn Beautiful Life, FAITH, FAMILY, Life is what you make it.23 Comments

And she is not. Sue is doing as well as can be expected. A few days after surgery, she got the breathing tube out and passed several neuro tests. She moved BOTH hands and legs, opened her eyes, and we were all very encouraged. She could answer in uh-huh, and nuh-huh. Although it wasn’t clear words, she did respond to I love you with the tone. They did warn she could get worse before better, and she did lessen her talking and moving the next day. We were prepared for that. At time of post they had put the breathing tube back in due to fluid build-up on her lungs. Again, this is normal in her type of recovery. If she can’t get deep enough breaths fluid could build up. The good thing is, she has top-notch care with the nurses micro-managing her. They have her comfortable and sedated so she is not in any pain. It is a long recovery road, but time is what she needs. The main thing is to NOT get pneumonia, so pray specifically for that.

Don’t give up was also the message at Jason’s brother’s Church this Sunday. We attended the service to watch the baptism of his youngest daughter. It is a theme I have stated quite often in the last few days and not always accomplished.

It started out as, “I can’t do this.” Do – being plan a wedding without Sue’s help. She had EVERYTHING and I do mean everything handled or planned. Locating that information is not possible since she can not communicate. Starting over? A very daunting task one week prior to the wedding and I do mean START ALL OVER. Food, cake, punch, and table linens. Did I mention we have 100 people coming?

As I dived deeper into it, I figured out even faster – I couldn’t do it. I wanted to cancel the wedding and say, “I give up.” I said this too many times to count and almost actualized it more times than I said it. There were LOTS of frustrated tears. On top of that, work is off the charts busy. I was there until 8pm on Friday night. When I finally get to Jason, he is laid up on the couch with a fever, chills, severe headache, and hard time breathing. It was awful.

He went to the doctor on Saturday and they gave him an antibiotics shot. I got a taste of being a real step-mom as I took the two little girls and Sydney with me everywhere. The bakery, the flower shop, and Hobby Lobby. They were such troopers and very, very good. Then we had to beat it over to the skating ring for one of Molly’s parties. Jason met us there and I dropped them off to do MORE shopping. Thank-you Hobby Lobby for the 50% bridal event sale. I think you saved me – literally.

I’d also like to mention Cooper St Bakery with a BIG thank-you. They took my order ONE WEEK prior to the wedding for both the Bride and Groom’s cake. I am amazed and thankful. The owner made sure we were taken care of. Tammy, I will highly recommend you guys for your efficiency and servitude.

And to my friend Karen, who loves cooking and planning, and eagerly agreed to do the food for the reception. Not only do it, but do an outstanding job, and happily. Thank-you Karen soooo much. You have been such a blessing to my life.

When I finally sat down this weekend, I made my fingers make 52 bows, 26 tulle, and 26 ribbon for pew markers. Now just to glue a pretty a flower and attach to pew holder – voila. And I just thought I wasn’t crafty.

My future step-brother is sewing hems on fabric for tablecloths. God love em’. He is sewing.

I got a speeding ticket this morning – oh, the irony.

Have I mentioned we still need our marriage license?

So glad, I have SIX MORE DAYS, because I really can’t take much more, but I’m NOT giving up.

The pastor ready to baptize my almost niece.

Molly and her cousin at the Church.

I love how children celebrate EVERY moment. They don’t worry. They don’t fret. They are not thinking of a hundred different things to get done, to do, or to not forget. They don’t think about who is sick, and who needs help. They just smile and laugh and play.