Here’s Your Sign

I’m still here.

I’m still blogging.

I’m still desperately trying to follow my dream that shifts through the clutches of my hands.

Because of time.

Because of lack of know-how.

Because when it all comes down to it, I get insecure about my work.

Perfection is my enemy.

The dream of a photography business taking off. The dream of a photography business flowing smooth and operating productively – part-time mind you – while I still have time to spend with family and work 42hrs a week at my ‘other job (sha!).

And I wonder…….am I pouring all this time, and energy into the right thing? Do I really have what it takes? What does it take, exactly? Talent, drive, and fearlessness?

I imagined my photography classes I started this January would boost my self-confidence. I imagined my talent would take off. I thought the instruction would confirm my path. In fact, my heart jumped out of my chest and raced ahead of me on this, shouting, “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”.

Is that my problem? My heart?

Because, really?

It seems like I am just more aware of how little I know about this business. More aware of how much farther I have to go. More, more, and more aware of how much I still have need to learn.

And I still love it – the process, the learning, the people. I do.

I am just a little overwhelmed.

At this point, I am committed to classes through the end of August. My last class is geared towards product photography. Yet, another aspect to swirl my fingers into and see what comes out.

A lot of friends tell me that people are my thing. I’m good with them; families, children, couples, and babies. Some days, I am not so sure. If one of my last sessions was any indication……well, maybe it’s a sign?

Meet my latest newborn (14 days old) and my second newborn portrait session and my first CS5 processing (that’s Photoshop).

A peaceful Slumber

Living Angel

Two Sisters

Big Brother & Sister Love

New Love

She is precious, isn’t it?

There is such a delicate sweetness to newborns and their families. The wonder of a tiny miracle and how they meld into their circle of love.

I did my best to capture the pureness, but when the talent is done? Well, the talent is done.

Her Sign

Here’s your sign.

Is that my take a final bow sign? Like, hey lady, take a hike and go point that thing at someone your own size. Or is it a message to her mom? I’m the third. I’m the last and we go by my schedule. HA! What a stinker. This picture really cracked me up.

So there are days when processing is hard, when time is my enemy, and when I think I am not cut out for this. That’s when I think I should lock myself inside a product tent, taking photos of wine glasses, and bottles (empty?).

And there are other days when I wouldn’t miss these moments for the world.

What is in store for me down this road? I don’t know. I guess I have to keep going to find out.

Celebrating Life

I’ve started this post so many times in my head, but it never got anywhere. Between prescription runs, child drop-offs, working, and party planning – not to mention being emotionally and physically exhausted – I haven’t had much time.

But we did celebrate life. We celebrated my daughter’s 17th birthday. She made it. Despite the toocloseforcomfort call, I got to see her smiling face at 17. I swore THIS year, I would not cry on her birthday.

Because last year?…… Sixteen? WAS SO HARD. I cried a contact right out of my eye in the Hallmark store trying to find a card (Dang you! Hallmark!).

I just knew seventeen would be easier than sixteen, and the age itself is, just not the events leading up to it.

We were in such a shock state this past week. Everything was autopilot and scary. There were many emotional battles I faced – from being angry at the driver of the truck that hurt my family – to cringing at my husband’s cries of pain and worrying about my daughter’s hand. Worrying when she drove, and especially worrying when we were all in the car together.

I hadn’t planned or thought of her birthday at all. But at the last-minute, I took Friday off to get a pedicure with her after-school and do a little surprise birthday planning which included picking up her sisters from school and having them overnight.

What a surprise it was when she got home. And yes, she laughed. We laughed (at silly, fun decorations). Because life is sooo precious and laughter is sooo healing.

Justin Bieber Rockin' Party

Party decorations for Sydney’s 17th (yes, she does LOVE Justin Bieber).

My 17yr old daughter

Seventeen years young and absolutely gorgeous!

Justin Bieber Birthday Party

Two of our very VIP guests. My beautiful step-daughters.


Molly gets into the decorations and has a ball being a mini-teen (just like her idol sister). Note- outfit in above pic complete with phone in hand.

Little Sis Smiley at the party

Bridget, the youngest step-daughter, always gives me a smile no matter what she does. The smile lollipops are for Justin Bieber’s song, You smile, I smile which also played at our wedding.

Cold Stone Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cake

Sydney’s favorite cake…..Cold Stone Chocolate Chip Cookie dough…….HEAVENLY!

Sydney saving her breath

Another year, I will never forget.

Sydney shows her Birthday card

Birthday card by Molly. Complete with her favorite animal the Cheetah. Isn’t that the cutest thing??

Sydney and her boyfriend Brandon

This is Sydney’s sweet boyfriend Brandon. He did the best job wrapping a gift for her and picking out cute stuff. I was very impressed!

Sydney 17 with her step-sisters
All the girls on Sydney’s birthday.

It meant the world to me to have them all together for Syd’s birthday (I really can’t thank their mom enough to give them up on her weekend). I kept counting them, looking at them, and hugging them. We had this wonderful night to celebrate life and give thanks for our family…. truly amazing memories.

Our lives may never be the same, but we are all here and we celebrated that.

Today, Mother’s day, was also incredibly special; being mom to Sydney and getting to spend the day with her. It was also my first year as step-mom, and although I didn’t get to see the little girls, I have them in my heart, along with every precious moment we have shared.

My heart is so very, very full.

Celebrating every second.

Hope you all had a fabulous weekend.

Delightful Day

Thank-you for all of your encouraging comments.

I know. I do too much.

So, I can’t post every day. But I can still be here for as long as this blog inspires me.

Thanks for journeying with me.

Our first Valentine’s Day as a blended family was SWEET (literally!). My teeth hurt.

But I adore my roses and fudge. Plus, the bare root rose, that’s the BEST. We will add it to our garden and they CLIMB. That means they will cover our ugly shed wall. Ha. I don’t know how he thought of that. He just knows, I guess.

As I said before, I heart this family. Soooooo much!

Diet starts tomorrow!

Dear Family – I Heart You

Drawing by The Teen.

Believe it or not this drawing is very good depiction of our family. The hair colors, smiles, and even the pants (heh). We stand like that too. In a row.

This picture is on our fridge. It always makes me laugh. I am not sure why Sydney’s inspiration that day came by crayon, but I’m glad it did.

So, to my family on Valentine’s Day – I heart you!

You, my dear husband, willing to have a camera shoved at your face so I can test a lens out that your camera friend loaned me for fun. See? Isn’t that fun? I have one eyeball in sharp focus. Ha. You are a great sport. A wonderful husband. I have never been more comfortable with anyone in my life. You make want to be “me”. And through the good or bad, there you are. I heart you!

My oldest shining star. You crack me up. You keep us all rolling. I can’t believe you will be seventeen in 3 MONTHS! Where has the time gone? I adore your laugh. I adore your ability to adapt and excel at everything you do. You are the best teen in the world. I heart you!

My middle(est) shining star, or oldest step-daughter, you are soooo smart. I have never met a six-year old that could read chapter books until you. You are truly amazing. If you can do that at six, who knows how far life will take you. Don’t ever forget to have fun too. I heart you!

My youngest, the baby, the littlest step-daughter o’ mine. You are my best model, and most willing subject. What a change from the shy baby you were. You used to hide from my camera. Now, you want to be first in my make-shift studio practice. You definitely compete with Sydney on humor. That is saying a lot because she has had waaay more practice than you. But man, you are funny. I heart you little star!

I heard since I’m a newlywed, I am supposed to have some outstandingly romantic gifts today. But honestly? These peeps above are the best gift of all.

Happy Valentine’s Day! I love you all.

Hope all of you have a very blessed and Happy Valentine’s Day.

I missed a post yesterday. My postaday2011 reign has ended.

It’s kinda funny because this is also my 310th post of all-time. If you know me, you know I have a thing for three’s and 10’s. It’s been hard to keep up lately. I have debated on continuing blogging. I heart blogging, but maybe my 310th post is a good end?