Tag: hospital

Fractured Moments

On By AngeliaIn In the lives of children, Mon Dieu! and all that stuff.47 Comments

A frantic voice calling hello on a voice mail; scared, and hurt. A stranger telling you from your husband’s phone that they were in an accident. They. The family. My family. Two little girls – my stepdaughters, my husband, and………my teenage daughter? Was she with them?

I can’t understand him. This stranger. This man with my husband’s phone. I start to panic. How will I know where they are, or what happened? I hear a hospital name. THAT I do know.

Shaking……..Shocked……..Shocking……..I leave. I don’t know what I’ll find, but I head to the hospital.

I text my daughter. TM: Were you with them?

She is always with them, but she had told me she might go to a friend’s house. Did she?

There was no reply.

They weren’t at the hospital. There are no ambulances in dock. No sirens. Nothing.

The silence is deafening. The unknown – terrifying – pressing and pressing its steely claws of fear.

My phone rings and it’s my husband’s name, but it’s not him. It is a paramedic telling me my two step-daughters are being transported to the children’s hospital in downtown. My husband, and sixteen-year old daughter to the hospital across the street from the children. This? Made it very real.

I left the wrong hospital. I still didn’t know if they were okay or not, but I knew it was very serious.

My husband’s brother is with me. He is calm. I feed off his calm. I need calm, because I so badly want to fall apart. But I can’t. Not now. Maybe? Not ever.

I use the phone. Shaking hands dial the number. I call the mom of my four, and seven-year old step daughters. I call her to tell her…….both of her children are on the way to a children’s hospital by ambulance.

And I don’t know. I don’t know anything.

It is the most helpless feeling in the world. I hear her pain, her panic, her raw emotion. I wish I could help her, comfort her, but I am numb.

I have to pick which hospital I go to. I have to choose a room, and a person. I can’t see all four. I can’t know all at once.

I need to pray……. but I can’t remember how to pray. I want to cry……..but I can’t remember to do that either.

All I can do is repeat the phrase going through my mind. I trust you, Lord. I trust you. I know you will keep my family safe. I know you won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I trust you, Lord. I do.

In the ER, in a tiny room off the red line. I see my daughter’s gray-blue eyes. They are just above the rim of her neck brace. She has blood streaks all over legs. A spot of dried blood on her forehead and in her ear. She cradles her right hand covered in a bloody gauze. But she is awake. She is aware. She knows I’m here.

I want to cry, but I can’t. They are taking her off the back board.

My husband is around the corner. I find him. I see blood. So much blood. He is in a neck brace too. They are cutting his clothes off. But I see his clear blue eyes. I hear him talk. I bend my face over him. I am here.

Tears well, but they do not fall.

The paramedics tell me the little girls are at the ER and in rooms. Sydney tells me they were okay when she was with them, just scared, but not hurt (I hope).

I try to make sense of what happened and how. I ask questions.

I hear different versions from traumatized accounts.

I try to piece it together. The back drivers side tire struck by a turning truck. The Jeep rolled and landed upright. Pieces all around.

I head across the street. I have to see the little girls. My husband, their dad, on a stretcher in the ER needs me to see the little girls. My eyes spot the littlest one first. She is so scared. I can see it in her lower lip quiver. I ask her if she can speak and she nods. She takes a deep breath and says, “Yes, I can.” Using her brave voice with no quiver. Breaks my heart. I touch her silky hair. Her little voice so small trying to be so big.

The oldest step-daughter, Molly, smiles when she sees me. Her smile is all I see beneath the hulking neck brace. I see all her teeth in her bright grin. I almost lose it.

These precious babies…….so brave……so scared………but alive and breathing. I hug them. I kiss them. I tell them I love them. Oh, how much I love them!

I witness…. a miracle.

My family survives a very tragic, and scary ordeal.

Six hours after their arrival, I drive Jason and Sydney home. The little girls released long before to their mother who hugged me when I saw her, because God knows we needed all the hugs we could get.

It was over. They would heal. Emotionally and physically, but they were all still with us by the grace of God. His hand on them. His protection over them. I trust you, Lord. I do.

I visit the wrecker service lot. I see the Jeep. I feel the impact of what my family went through. I finally cry.


2008 JEEP Wrangler rolled.


Point of impact, back tire wheel.


Thick metal chunks were found through the entire car.


The spot where my sixteen-year old sat. Passenger side front.


She was eating an ice cream cone…with sprinkles.


The crushed windshield from the roll.


My step-daughter Bridget always holds this phone and plays music on it. She was holding it when the accident happened.

My step-daughters visit the day after the accident. They look amazing, and more beautiful than ever.


The littlest.


The biggest.

Their faces are so happy. So full of life. So overwhelmingly gorgeous.

We try out the new booster seats for my car. Ones that have the high-back like they had in Dad’s Jeep. But this time…they have a protective head rest too.


New high-back booster with head rest.


The youngest in the car ready to head home.


The new car seats are pink. Of course….

These fractured moments bring me clarity. They breathe new appreciation for our most precious cargo – family. My Sydney survived a horrific accident in the front of a badly crushed vehicle. I will never forget the moment I saw her side of the vehicle. My husband got to hold his children again and tell them he loved them after losing sight of them at the scene and not knowing for many hours how they were and not seeing them for more than 24 hours. I get to appreciate life in a whole new way.

One second. One moment……can change everything.

I know many of you prayed from Facebook. I can’t thank you enough. I believe God heard our cries.

I trust you, Lord. I do.

There is a story, for every day, of every year past.

On By AngeliaIn Angels among Us, Timeless Treasures23 Comments

Do you remember this time last year? What you were doing? Where you were going?

Do you have days when you realize…..Wow, that was a YEAR ago…….really? It stuns you.

You can’t believe the time has flown by, that it’s December, almost Christmas and New Year’s (again).

I have glimpses of those years past all the time. Maybe, it’s just having a good memory, or from the photos I take.

For instance, I came across this photo.

Two years ago, bowling with a broken right hand.

This was at the end of the seven weeks casted at my friend Karen’s birthday party. My cast was pretty grimy and I had (almost) mastered being a one-handed (with a non-dominate left hand) typer, writer, hair washer, and eater extraordinaire. Amazing what you can do when you have to. However, my bowling was not so hot – at all. I always remember my cast this time of year, because I could NOT put up the tree one-handed.

Last Thanksgiving, this is what the girls looked like together. Crazy cute, right?


This year.

Still crazy cute!

What’s funny about this is Brownie. Last year, Molly had a death grip on Fred; my mom’s Shih-tzu and our love of Fred is the reason we ended up getting Brownie Poo in July.

Molly holding Fred.

Yesterday was my Dad’s birthday. His last birthday.

A year ago today, was the last day I hugged my dad, and kissed his cheek.

We drove to Ada on Saturday. Sydney made her first loooong driving trip in the driver’s seat under our supervision (notice I was in the backseat). She was fifteen with her freshly printed permit.

Sydney with only her drivers permit driving to Oklahoma.

She did very, very good. We drove straight to the hospital where dad had checked himself in about a week or so before. He had a hernia that perforated part of his bowel and they had done surgery. I had talked to him on the phone, his birthday, and he sounded pretty weak. But fact is, he had worse things happen health-wise in his life. This wasn’t anything. But…in all the hustle and bustle of this time of year, I opted to just stop, and spend the day traveling to Oklahoma to see him. Just in case. IF something happened, I didn’t want to have any regrets, or I should haves….

We arrived to his room and he looked a little more worn than I expected, but better than what he had sounded on the phone. He did look older. Jason, Sydney, and I sat and visited for a while. I don’t like hospitals. I, especially, don’t like Valley View. My grandpa died there, my second cousin, my step-dad…..I just don’t like the place. The only thing good from Valley View was the memory of seeing my favorite aunt, dad’s sister, there. She used to work at the front desk and as a crazy teen I would stop by to see her. But she had moved to Houston many, many years ago.

Dad was watching football.

Dad was a man with nine and half-lives.

Dad was going to be fine.

I left the hospital room with a squeeze and a kiss fully knowing, I would see him again. At home, in front of his big screen TV, watching OU, with his trusty Buddy dog at his side.

We went to the local Mexican food place for my fill of queso with mushrooms from Polo’s. The only place that makes it just the way I looooves it. When we go to pay, I realize, I don’t have my purse. Now, you know what happens when a girl realizes she doesn’t have her purse, and all her worldly possessions on her persons.

Yeah.

It’s panic mode. I searched the car, the restaurant, the sidewalk……everywhere….and came up with only ONE place it could be. My dad’s hospital room.

Huh.

Isn’t that strange? Because, I never lose my purse. Or forget it.

Never.

At first, I was a little irritated. We had said good-bye already. We were ready to hit the road for the long three hours of driving. What was this?

Then, I gathered my thoughts. I listened to my instincts. One thing I wished I had done was brought dad a present, or a card. In our rush, we had just taken off from Texas and came to the room empty-handed. So we went to the local Wal-Mart and I shopped for my dad’s Christmas. I shopped to cheer him up in that dreary white-walled hospital room. And I brought him his favorite things – OU stuff.

I also, picked up a Christmas fern plant in substitute for a Christmas tree, just in case, he was stuck there until close to Christmas.

Dad's OU blanket and Christmas fern.

He brightened up when we returned. It wasn’t just the gifts either. It was the surprise, the second visit in a day. I didn’t even mention my purse sitting on the empty hospital bed in his room. He kept wanting me to hold his blanket up so he could see all the colors (he is color blind like me). Reds he DOES see. The furry bear guy – which I have no idea what he has to do with OU – reminded him of his Buddy dog. He loved it. He had me lay it out on the bed next to where he was sitting. We admired the blanket. We admired the Christmas fern. We watched some football together, talked, and laughed. I left happy I had gone back. I needed that time and his smiles. No regrets. I knew, I just knew, he was going to be fine and recover – like always.

Dad passed away about midnight the next day of major heart failure.

My last-minute trip to Oklahoma. My return to that hospital room. It was no accident. It was a gift. My Christmas gift. From God, from dad, from the world of father’s and daughter’s. It was my last good-bye. My last memory.

Oh, how I cherish my favorite blanket.

Merry Christmas Dad. I miss you. I remember this day…has it really been a year?…and I’ll never forget it.

Recovery, Rehab, and Reminiscences

On By AngeliaIn Beautiful Life19 Comments

Jason is doing well. He has felt fine and is resting. We did not end up getting home until Thursday October 21st. I didn’t think I would live another night there, but I did.

I re-entered the work world. It felt like I had been in a time warp. Everything was different, but the same. I’m really glad it was on a Friday, so I can slowly sink back into it. I can tell you this, after the nurses and doctors “customer service”, I am a lot more conscious of the quality of work I do and HOW I do it, but most especially how I treat people. Not that I was bad before, it’s just from the smarting stings of arrogance and not-my-job syndrome, I have developed an extra sensitive layer of compassion and tact.

Coming home was a welcome sight for a teenage girl who loves her parents and missed them. And for three dogs that thought they’d been abandoned.

My sister and her husband cleaned our ENTIRE house when they visited for the weekend while Jason was in the hospital. What a treasure. I thought going out to eat was great, but this was such a relief and worth more than food or anything else. It was peace of mind and more restful than I can describe to you. My sister (and husband) are amazing. It was an incredible surprise.

My wedding bouquet sat on the counter in a crystal vase. The beautiful lilies still blooming.

Reminding me…I have SO much to tell you about the wedding. I suppose it will have to unfold like some of these late-blooming lilies. Slowly and beautifully, over time.

In other words, I will get there, I promise.

There are so many things, I just want back to normal. To blog again. To connect with other bloggers. To have more time to read blogs and participate in the going ons. BUT.

We still have a loved one in the hospital. For now, in ICU recovery. Her progress? Slow. And almost a reversal, due to the pain of her head, of the feeding tube inserted, of the injury to her bottom; you don’t want to know, but let me just say it’s like a diaper rash X 100 resulting in an open bleeding wound. Why? Because someone didn’t check a tube. No wonder she can’t sit up in a chair, could you? [hospitals!]

I visited her for the first time in over a week last night. I expected the worse. I expected a decline from the time before where she told me she loved me and held my hand at her bedside. She talked softly, but quite clearly telling me she was sorry about the wedding. It broke my heart in a million pieces.

I didn’t cry at, or before, or during the wedding. I refused. It was a happy day and I refuted any tears to come, but anything to do with her, and her pain. It tears me up. She is such a beautiful woman inside and out and deserves so much happiness and joy. Not pain and suffering.

When we got to her room, she was sleeping. I thought that would be it, but she woke up and proceeded to talk and talk and talk. About now, about the past, about the wedding, about her beautiful grandchildren. Most especially to advise us to love every day and tell those you love, you love them, every chance you get. It was about three hours of smiles, laughs, and tears. From her and us. I wish I could describe how her laugh made my soul leap to heaven and back. Her mind is so sharp. How miraculous is that? She endured a brain aneurysm and a stroke in the same weekend. Now, I know where her son gets it. I look forward to many more moments like these. She moves to the miracle floor Monday. Rehab. They say miracles happen there and I believe it will for her too. It already has.

I also got to dabble for a few moments in my second great love; practicing photography.

I only have time to post of few, but Sydney and her zebra umbrella is the coolest thing ever. I love this kid in all her hipness.

Ten Days After 10-10-10

On By AngeliaIn Mama Kat's Writing Workshop, Timeless Treasures, Wee Wee Wee all the way home!28 Comments

Four days married + six days in the hospital = ten days married.

We should will be going home today.

We have a diagnosis tentatively for Lupus. I say tentatively because, it was positive on a blood test, but only a rheumatologist can confirm diagnosis. It is possible it’s not Lupus but one of fifteen other connective tissue disorders. That’s a fancy way of saying your own body attacks your own body and causes inflammation out the wazoo that leads to ALL KINDS of problems.

I should be a redneck medical interpreter, I know..

Steroids calm it down (and did), but Jason can’t tolerate steroids (for long anyway) because of his diabetes. It messes with his sugar levels. We have been PROMISED a doctor of rheumatology that can run blood tests and release him tonight after he sees him at six (this after a patient advocate was called and some VP names were dropped. Yeah. I don’t play. Six days is enough). Then, we can blow this joint. I’m not crossing any fingers, because I will unhook him and walk him out MYself. I already cleared this with the admitting doctor. Heh.

Jason’s ex brought the girls to visit this week. It wasn’t what the doctor ordered, but by far the best medicine.


Blended families working together for the best of everyone’s benefit (and health) – that is a great accomplishment. Healing in more ways than medicinal.

When I told her we were family now – I meant it.

A big part of what has kept me going the last six days through hospital gown modeling. Camping on a chair cot. Crappy nurse care. Not eating right. Frequent back pain. And watching Jason endure and endure and endure has been the many memories of our beautiful wedding.

My friend and new sister Kellene has posted the wedding pictures during our stay in the hospital honeymoon suite.

My brilliant photographer and me.

The photographs have given us warmth and love across the miles to see her talent and see her love for us through the camera lens. I never questioned my decision to hire a photographer for the wedding and I certainly never questioned it being her. Take a look and see why for yourself.



There are more pictures on her blog and website – Bella Lucia Photography and Blog. Please visit her and share our joy with us and her incredible talent.

Also, celebrate that Jason’s illness is manageable and we praise God for that. Thanks to all the friends and family that prayed for us during this time.

We are deeply touched and grateful. Our love abounds and grows stronger through these trails.

This post edited to be part of….
Mama's Losin' It
Using prompt…
5.) “Keep your face to the sunshine and you can not see the shadow” – Helen Keller
In what ways are you able to stay positive about something that sometimes brings you down?

I commented to Mama Kat I had written so many posts during our pre-wedding and post-wedding that kept us positive through it all and she said to link one up. It was hard to choose. There are posts before and after on the story of Jason’s Mom entering ICU two weeks before our wedding date with a brain aneurysm then a stroke. We managed to pull the wedding off then end up in the hospital too. Despite it all, we kept our face to the sun and we still are. I don’t see any shadows here. Not one.