Sunday Healthy Reflection

On November 7, 2010 By AngeliaIn Life is what you make it.14 Comments

The best inspiration is not to outdo others, but to outdo ourselves.

– Anonymous

Winning victory against yourself

No one likes to lose. The thrill of victory after competition is hard to match. But the wins that leave the most significant, long-term impressions are the ones where you win against yourself. Beating a friend in a game of hoops is much less meaningful than setting a personal best time while running. We live in a highly competitive world, and everything around us screams that we’ve got to be number one in order to feel successful. Truly though, the best measuring sticks are your past and your potential–not against someone else’s standards. Raise the bar for yourself!

Brought to you by Sparkpeople.

Outdo myself. What a concept.

Seems like most of my life, I tried to be who my mom wanted me to be. Who I was supposed to be. Then, who my husband wanted me to be. Who would make everyone happy. Who would make everyone get along.

When I become a mother. I measured up to other moms. Was I going by the book guidelines? Doing what other moms did? Was I teaching my daughter the right things? Moral things? I beat myself up if i didn’t reach their standards.

Did I live how other people live? Work as hard? Have as much?

It seemed life WAS about measuring up to everyone else around me.

Now, as I near a new year, the year I turn forty, I have finally, not only grasped the concept of potential, but the victory of winning for myself.

I take on photography as an amateur and student of knowledge.

Knowing I’m only as good as my last shot.

And my last edit.

I can do it….for me.

I am not competing with anyone else. I’m just doing what I love. Learning what I love, and not being afraid to try.

I write. I blog. Maybe, it’s not as good as other technical writers. I may not win a writing contest, or be featured, or get published, but as long as I write from my heart, it’s all that matters.

In relationships, I can be me. I am accepted and loved just as I am. I don’t have to pretend to be something I am not. I can love who I am. Because I am true to myself and I believe in what I can do.

As a mom, I can tell my daughter and step-daughters. I am far from perfect, but willing to learn from and help them learn too.

As an employee, maybe my numbers won’t be first, or at the top, but I can take pride in what I do. I can admit to having a bad day and not fall apart over it. It’s okay. Some days are better than others. I can grow in my field. I can be stress-free.

I don’t have to be the best. I only have to be better.

What are you reflecting on today?

Sunday’s Healthy Reflection – Problems or Possibilities?

On July 18, 2010 By AngeliaIn Life is what you make it., Wee Wee Wee all the way home!34 Comments

A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn’t will find an excuse.

– Stephen Dolley Jr.

Do you see possibilities or problems?

It’s been said that some of the smartest people around would make lousy entrepreneurs. How can that be? The fact is, some people are so smart they can easily see all of the problems, roadblocks, and snafus that they’ll need to overcome to succeed. They can think of all kinds of reasons why their idea won’t work. This knowledge can overwhelm any thoughts of possibilities or dreams. When you think of your goals, do you focus on the positives of making it happen, or the negatives of potential barriers? To reach your goals, you gotta really want them. More importantly, you gotta really believe that you can do it. Think more about why you CAN make it happen instead of why you can’t. No more excuses.

Source-Sparkpeople Healthy Reflections.

Like a corn maze, we navigate life – sometimes blindly and, sometimes certain of our path.

Seeing problems-
Which way do I go? What turn leads to the exit? If I make a wrong turn, will I remember which way I came from? Every path looks the same. How am I supposed to get there when I am so turned around?

Seeing possibilities-
Making all right turns could lead to the end. Following others who look assured in their destination will help me find my way. The thrill of discovering new paths is exciting. I don’t worry about the end, it will come soon enough, I am enjoying finding the way. Look, a new path!

If you are like me, then you have traipsed through the maze of life with both thoughts in mind. I value each of these reflections. If it weren’t for the problems and the wrong turns, would I really be as grateful for the journey? Or reaching a new place on the path? If it weren’t for the dead-ends, would I ever meet the trail blazers that inspire me to seek alternate directions?

Yesterday, Jason and I, worked at the duplex. I needed a little help chopping down the chest high grass. Okay….a lot of help.

Come to find out, yard work is not my forte. The charm wore off years ago. Besides, it’s 101 outside.

Love those pink goggles. See what happens when you work at my place? Ha.

Inside, under the ceiling fan, and chilling A/C, I stood and saw problems. How was I going to get this three bedroom place packed up? Where was all this “stuff” going to go? Jason’s house is fully furnished. Most cabinets are full. He has washer, dryer, refrigerator, couches, chairs, and tables, and everything else I have. I stood there – overwhelmed, and exasperated. I didn’t feel scared about moving from the duplex; no, the duplex wasn’t home anymore. I knew that. It was just the sheer impossibility of moving it all.

So, I began ONE thing at a time. Choosing the keepers, polishing the gotta gos. One piece, one area, one room, one section and just tackling that part without thinking of the rest or the frustration (Sydney’s room).

I got one box packed and an assortment of items to distribute. That felt good.

I had a few more things to do when Jason realized he only had 15 minutes to get to the pharmacy before it closed. Umm…it’s a 20 MINUTE drive. He was out of night-time insulin. For those Type 1 diabetics, you know the problem that could be. I was sure we could make it. He was sure we couldn’t. We dropped everything where it was and just left (thank goodness the yard had been finished).

I have to hand it to him. He did not tear out of the driveway and take turns on two wheels. He did not speed. He did not even sigh or grumble, when we hit EVERY red light. Honestly, I saw problems….Jason not getting his insulin. Jason saw possibilities….maybe the pharmacist would stay a few minutes late. He called them at 5:57pm, we were 5 minutes away.

The pharmacist promised to wait……and…..he did. We got to the drive-thru at 6:04pm. Four minutes after they closed. I have to thank Walgreens for their excellent customer service. Now that’s going above and beyond. And that was definitely a possibility I did not see, especially in a big city.

So tell me, what do you do, when life is like a maze? Do you sit it out? Or go for it? What can you make happen?

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Sunday’s Healthy Reflection-Positive Cycle of Forgiveness

On February 21, 2010 By AngeliaIn Better to be blessed, Life is what you make it.27 Comments

Without forgiveness life is governed by…an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.
– Roberto Assagioli

The positive cycle of forgiveness

OK, be honest. Do you hold grudges? Do you allow old drama to determine your behavior? Is there someone you just can’t seem to forgive? Grudges and a non-forgiving attitude do nothing but harm both parties. You might feel like you’re “winning” by not letting someone off the hook, but you’re only increasing your own worry and stress. Bitterness can lead to hate, which can sour a life. Today, write a letter explaining your point of view to the person you feel resentful towards. Clear the air; forgiving him. Even if you don’t send it, it is an excellent way to relieve tension. Forgiving someone does not absolve them of the wrong that you experienced. It can simply free you to live a life that isn’t anchored to the hurt and resentment of past events.

Brought to you by Sparkpeople

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I was never one to hold grudges. Nope. I got even, usually, without the person even knowing it. Imagine evil gleam in my eye as I plotted. HA HA HA. My passive aggressive style was brilliant. But then I grew up, or life happened, and I discovered some things just weren’t that important. Revenge was one of them.

I learned something else as well. I wasn’t always right. Is that to say I was never wronged? Of course not. Is that to say life is fair? Uh, nope. Aren’t I really just a door mat then, taking it and taking it? I am not.

There is a lot that happened in my past that I could be bitter about; angry about. A lot of resentments I could harbor, but I CHOOSE to live my life in such a way that everything is a blessing. Good or bad. That doesn’t leave any room for resentments or anger because there is none.

Somehow, someway whatever it is, is going to turn around. When my daughter’s dad and I divorced. I was young and hard hearted. I cared about me, and me only. He dared to want full custody of our then, 3 1/2 yr old daughter. I was floored and angry. Babies belong with their mothers. This is how I grew up and this is how she would grow up. How dare he! Did he really think I was a bad mother?

I didn’t think about what was best for Sydney. Nor did I think about what was fair as parents, who both had a part in bringing this life into the world. I was full of revenge, and resentment towards him wanting to keep me out of the picture.

Turns out, back then, his attorney advised him full custody wasn’t an option. I felt like I won! Revenge was sweet.

Years later, I am horrified at my behavior and thought process. How could I have been so cold? So selfish? Why in the world did I not think of Sydney? Was I numb to her broken heart when I picked her up from her Dads and she cried for him the whole 40min drive home? Why did I think it was about her rejecting ME for him? When it was really HER needing more time with her Dad.

Today, I am with a man who has two young daughters. He has visitation every other weekend and very brief dinner time twice during the week. I see their joy when he takes them in his arms. I see how much they need him and miss him. I hear their cries on the car trip home to their mothers.

Friends, I have come full circle from being that mom on the one side, to being on the other side in the Dads situation. I understand my part, from way back then, more than ever. The blessing? I have more compassion towards Jason and the girls than I ever would have had. I understand completely. My love overflows for them and their anguish.

I have forgiveness for situations like these that are so very hard. I can forgive myself for my part of the custody arrangement with Sydney’s Dad. For being so hard, unrelenting, and immature as an inexperienced mom who just didn’t consider other possibilities than what I grew up with.

Luckily, her dad and I were good friends a little after the divorce. He cared for Sydney whenever he wanted. We lived in the same town, and even the same street for a while. It worked out in her favor, but only because I allowed it to and did not hold my resentment a prisoner in my heart. And you know what? Neither did he.

He was not out to get me. He was out to do and be the best father for his child. I wanted the divorce not him. He was just trying to survive the aftermath with his baby he dearly loved.

I am grateful for my positive cycle of forgiveness. I am grateful for all that I have learned (and will learn). My hope is that it carries over into the lives of our children. I hope they will practice forgiveness and live free and happy.

Choose to forgive, don’t waste any precious time nurturing the seeds of bitterness. Spit them out, swallow your pride. Be kind to yourself and fill up with good things. It will make way for great love and understanding in your soul. It will bring you peace and joy.

Sunday’s Healthy Reflection: A Lifetime of Moments

On January 3, 2010 By AngeliaIn Life is what you make it.29 Comments

Should you find yourself at a loss, wondering what life is all about and what your purpose is, be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity to wonder.

– Unknown

Taking inventory of your gifts and blessings

You’ll probably spend some time this weekend thinking about the good things in your life and your loved ones. Before you do that, take a moment to just consider how lucky you are to be here in the first place. In the 21st century, we can experience more in a month than most people throughout history did in a lifetime. Instead of appreciating that fact, we usually just end up wanting to do and have more. We look at what’s wrong rather than what’s right. This is a perfect time to take a look at your life and priorities again. Can you make some extra time every day to just enjoy the moment and your loved ones? You’ve been given the gift of a lifetime of moments. Accept the gift and prove yourself worthy.

Brought to you by Sparkpeople.

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‘You’ve been given the gift of a lifetime of moments.’

I haven’t been online the last few days. Spottily from my iPhone is all. What I have seen is a lot of either, New Year’s resolutions, or non-lutions, or even just goals. It is that time of year to think, reflect, and assert what you want out of 2010.

And that is great. I’m not saying any of those things are bad. I quit smoking January 1, 2006. I also lost 50lbs. Resolutions are inspiring and they can work if you have the resolve to do it. Of course they can also be done any time of the year.

What I have noticed is there less focus on living in the moment, cherishing our family, and finding more time with them. I have seen less focus on the priority of “lifetime moments”. And maybe what I am trying to say is….can we resolve to just partake in the wonder – the sheer wonder – of life all around us?

We live in an amazing world, an amazing time. My goal this year is to see – really see – what I am missing in my rush through it. I have a wedding to look forward to. The details to be incredibly poignant and meaningful. A new family to blend and grow with. My daughter turns 16. She will never be 16 again.

One of my goals, along this line of this thinking, is to get a new camera. A DSLR for a beginner. I would like to take a class at the local continuing education building (where I took Italian language). I’ve been playing around with my camera recently and I think my writing this year has increased my “eye”. I would like to expand on that in my blog and in life. I think it will be such a treasure to embark upon a lifelong sight journey.

This is an exciting time and year for me. I refuse to miss it. I want to remember and take part of every miracle that happens. I know there will be struggles. I know there will be complications. My life motto is to live as though everything is a blessing no matter what it is.

I have been through some tough stuff in my life – an abusive past relationship and drug addiction – yet, those experiences are a blessing in that it grew my compassion, strength, and knowledge. I wouldn’t be who I am without them. And that is what I hope for this year, to be AMAZED. To be present and accept the gift.

2010 – Hi there, so glad to meet you. I look forward to knowing you better.