Changes of Time

Time, time, time
See what’s become of me…

That rascal time has done it again. Minutes tripped into days. Days tripped into months. Months tripped into years. Blown away. Flown away. Swept out into the horizon and vanished with the settings of many suns.

Where does it go?

Your guess is as good as mine.

But in that passage of time, there is so much more than the days and nights. There is joy and sadness. Burdens and blessings.

Hearts have mended. Hearts have broken. Some pieces had to be reshaped. Some drifted away like dust to sky. Tender new sprouts took their place.

I’m not going to pretend the last few years have been easy breezy. They haven’t. Life can be hard. Death is harder. Life after loss is the journey. Finding your way without them. Finding the YOU that you are when they are gone.

We laid my Mom to rest. My last living parent.

Mom - March 24, 1942 - January 07, 2017

You know I thought I lost her long ago. To her illness. To her alcohol. To her memory loss. But it wasn’t until she was really gone that I understood what losing your Mother is really like.

Sharon's Roses

It’s been over a year now. See? Sneaky time trickster. I can finally take a breath when I realize she is not here. The shock of it, not as intense. I don’t look for her signs (or smells) as much. Although they pop out every so often, like the Bluebird flying straight at me while admiring Spring in the backyard.

It’s little things to remember. Memories to hold close. And….. I know. I probably haven’t grieved properly.

Because what is that really?

But the sun still sets. My precious family encircles me. I know in every part of my heart where her spirit beats within the new places and the old.

We were born to die, and we die to live. As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven.

Blooms

Weekly Photo Challenge: Launch

The march of a clock’s hands advance as if catapulted into the future.

Our lives follow….tick tock…..tick tock.

The Future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. ~C.S. Lewis

Time is a brisk wind, for each hour it brings something new… but who can understand and measure its sharp breath, its mystery and its design? ~Paracelsus

Each moment has its sickle, emulous
Of Time’s enormous scythe, whose ample sweep
Strikes empires from the root.
~Edward Young

Whether we wake or we sleep,
Whether we carol or weep,
The Sun with his Planets in chime,
Marketh the going of Time.
~Edward Fitzgerald

Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires. ~Charles Caleb Colton

I don’t know about you, but as I age, the years fly by faster, than the years before. The days stream one into another as TIME launches its way through our lives; Rampant and hungry for more.

Would I stop time if I could? I would highly consider it.

Hope you liked a different take on the challenge.

Mid-Summer Life Crisis

At the beginning of this year, I chose the word flourish. I was going to FLOURISH (and rule the world!)….err….something like that.

My goals:

And do all this while working 40 + hours a week as a corporate travel agent, plus a newlywed wife to my husband, mom to one teenager, and step-mom of two younger daughters.

I. Can. Do. It. All.

NOT.

One by, by one, these goals have slipped from my grasp. One by one, I have given up (yet) another thing I pledged to do, just to keep up with my normal life, much less the hyped up flourished version.

Swimming, swimming, and swimming……you know what, ya’ll?

I’m tired.

It’s not even that this – the list – the promises – the goals – are all I have tried to keep up with. I have, also, had to dog paddle through a husband diagnosed with Lupus this year (to add to his type 1 diabetes, and hypothyroidism). A pretty horrific car crash my family survived. Plus, the new dynamics of co-parenting, me being on the “other” side of custody, than I previously was (this side is MUCH harder).

Everyone said I couldn’t do it all. And???

They were right. :clap clap clap:

I have, officially, burnt out.

Late last week, I wanted to pull the plug. No more Twitter, Facebook, or the Blog. Just shut down. My iphone makes that near impossible to do. But, alas! I would do it. Lights out (except for Words With Friends. I must have my WWF!).

In the end, I decided, going dark was not the answer, but putting the photography business on hold would be. No more sessions for now. I will have “fun”. It will be my hobby (again)(when I have time). It won’t be work and it won’t feel like work. Yay!

I started photography classes in January to boost my confidence. I learned about the technical side of the camera. I, also, learned some of the business side. But it’s pretty hefty in marketing, networking – not to mention – time.

I still lack LOADS of knowledge in everything.

Ultimately, I just don’t think I have the talent, or the vision. Maybe that will change, I just don’t know.

My confidence hasn’t boosted like I hoped, and it’s draining me. I just need to study longer and wait for that elusive confidence factor.

The battle of wills and hopes has been bloody.

The drive to succeed, to learn, to know, to do – while applaudable – is not doable (for me), and it’s making me crazy.

I don’t like crazy. My thyroid makes me crazy because of my Grave’s Disease. I take a hormone pill and it gets better.

So today, I take a chill pill. I acknowledge, I can’t do it all. I won’t do it all. And I’ll do what I can when I can.

Technology is a such a curse, and a blessing.

A friend told me she heard, due to technology overload, the world was on the brink of nervous breakdown. Our brains are not equipped to handle all the information accessible today.

So true.

I think I have overachiever overload.

So this month, I am putting another thing to the side.

And I’m having fun too.

MY GIRLS are back!

The little girls are with us FULL-TIME (squeee!!) for the month of July.

There is nothing like morning hugs around my legs.

And yes, they get loud.

And yes, they fight.

And noise constantly streams from their mouths.

But I wouldn’t trade this month for anything!

Best of all…..Sydney is back from her vacay at Dad’s in Mississippi.

Sydney!!

I have missed her sooooo much!

Mid-summer life crisis? I think I got a handle on you.