My Whirling Mind

I might as well attach streamers to it.

Streamers of silver and blue, and then at least, I can say, “Look! Something pretty!”

My mind goes nonstop and I’ve wondered more than once if I have ADD of the adult variety.

You see, I used to read – books. Novels. Series. I would devour them and savor them, because? I LOVE to read. Now? I blog. I read blogs. And that is all I have time for.

At first, I blamed my lack of reading on ADD. I started many books, but never finished them. Now, I know it’s my mind. Not only is it occupied by blogging, but also photography.

I have been reading studying books on settings; ISO, white balance, aperture, shutter speed, and f stops. I know! Why not use auto? And I have, but I have to edit the pictures (hours) to come out the way I want them to (which is more time). So, I am using manual. I am learning. I am reading. I am loving it.

Plus, I picked up a novel the other night and guess what? I am enjoying it too. It makes my mind stop whirling and I can enjoy the characters and the writing. My mind can be still.

The future comes one day at a time.

– Dean Acheson

Jason and I have been married two months now.

My wedding bouquet has long been gone. The beautiful flowers faded and died, but frozen in photographs, perfect and fresh. Holding the memories inside their pixels.

It’s December. It’s winter. I wouldn’t expect to see any flowers blooming. Especially, the same ones in my wedding bouquet like Gerber Daisies.

Would you mind telling that to my flower-pot on the front walk? See, I planted pink Gerber Daisies in the spring for the girls. One pot bloomed and bloomed, then died. The other pot bloomed in the spring, then did not bloom again. It didn’t die either. It just sat there in the pot through the long hot summer. I watered its green leaves and thought……well, that’s it. I never have any luck with Gerber Daisies. It was worth a try, and I did try……….. because I love them sooooooo much.

Then…..a miracle.

Two pink blooms in the winter.

Walking to my front door I saw a flash of pink. I thought, no friggin’ way, it couldn’t be. This was November. I took a closer look and sure enough, out of the green leaves was a single pink daisy. Awh! I was delighted. It’s twin sister appeared a day or so later. They have been hanging out through two freezes.

It’s December 12th. I took this picture yesterday.

Texas Garden

What does this mean for my whirling mind?

I don’t know.

Two months have flown by. Two flowers have appeared.

I feel a new direction on the horizon. A new year coming – 2011 (wow).

Maybe it means, getting off the mind spinning merry-go-round, relaxing and enjoying these frozen moments before they are gone.

Time goes on

Two years go by, but I’ll never forget. I still remember like it was yesterday. The day we held your service and placed you to rest.

I look back on this day, as if it were crystallized in my mind. The hot August sun. The crispy graveyard grass. The beautiful spray of flowers across your handsome gray casket. I try to be strong for my mom. I know she needs me, but when Charley Pride’s, I’ll fly away, plays at the service. I lose my composure a bit. I have memories of riding in your big yellow Lincoln town car listening to Charley Pride sing, Mountain of Love. The first song I ever heard by him. It was one of those I could hear over and over, as you did when you were seven. You really got a kick out of that. To hear his voice again brought such happy tears, and sad ones.

You flew away – oh glory – to a home on God’s celestial shore. A piece of my heart flew with you – is still with you. Always.

The comfort of today is that you are free, just as your beautiful gravestone says.


    I’m free
    Be not burdened with times of sorrow
    I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
    My life’s been full, I’ve savored much,
    good friends, good times,
    a loved ones touch.
    Lift up your hearts and share with me,
    God wanted me now;
    He set me free.

Father, confidant, supporter, encourager, most patient man in the world – stepfather and treasure. Times goes on….but your memories are alive in my beating heart.

I see the sun and you are in it.

Sunday’s Healthy Reflection

On Sunday this time, yay!

Stop living life for what’s around the corner and start enjoying the walk down the street.

– Grant L. Miller, motivational guru

Enjoying the road to accomplishment

It’s possible to be a little too focused. With blinders on, it becomes easy to completely live in our vision of where we will be in the future, while ignoring the improvements that we have made in the present. The road to a healthy lifestyle is a long trip. While it’s very important to realize what we are shooting for, we also need to make sure that we keep our heads in the present to enjoy the progress we’ve made. If your goal is to lose weight, instead of waiting to celebrate until you lose it all, enjoy today’s small victories and take advantage of your improved health now. This approach serves as motivation for any aspiration in life. Set ambitious goals and enjoy the road to accomplishing those goals, because life might pass you by if you are always planning for tomorrow without ever seeing today.

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Brought to you by SPARKPEOPLE.

One of the first things that come to mind when I read this, is all the things you put off, or miss out on due to weight issues. My example, Laugh Fest at the Parks Mall –  for The Levity Project, Katie has actually posted our video under the videos tab on her website. How cool is that? Now, I was hesitant about being “filmed”. The camera adds ten pounds, I wasn’t wearing black, I hadn’t lost the TWENTY pounds – and had done nothing to try and lose it. Me self-conscious? Heck yah!

Obviously, We did it anyway. What it came down to was this, if I waited until I looked “perfect”. For one, it’d be never. HA. For two, I would have missed out on participating in this event. I wouldn’t have lived in the present. I would have planned a future event based on something that might happen – I could have missed it.

And you know what? I treasure that day. I treasure laughing with Sydney. I treasure our participation with the Chicago laugh flash project group at the same time. I am thrilled we did it. We will never have November 7, 2009 – 12 Noon again. Sydney will never be fifteen again, this year is it. For her to be fifteen – pretty amazing.

One thing I never did, was wish her older than she was. Some relatives would, they would want her to be a certain age, to do grown up things with her. They couldn’t wait til she was bigger. Every new age, it would be an older age they would pine for. I would nod quietly, but inside I celebrated that instant, and the milestone she was at. Maybe because, I couldn’t have any more, and that made me more aware of the here and now.  I couldn’t help but think, you are missing it.

Could it be, this span of your life, to you, is just a meaningless phase until you get to the next big thing?

Friends, you are missing it.

The last thing that comes to mind is this………
When I moved to Dallas, from a small town of 20,000 (actually I lived outside of that town), so it was even smaller. Think rural, no paved driveways –  not even a traffic light. I could not wait to get to the big city. Who needed a small town? Everyone knew your business, they didn’t have any major restaurants (back then). There was only one movie theater. We had Wal-Mart, but  no mall, the list goes on and on.

Back then, the country? The worst place ever. We couldn’t  even get cable when it first came out. It was a year before we could.  I missed out on all those MTV video premiers.  In my mind, the quicker I got out, the better.

And I did, at the tender age of seventeen. When did something change? Probably when Sydney was born. Suddenly the city lost its charm, and I worried my little girl would be swallowed up by it. I questioned myself, why did I leave the small town? How in the world could I raise my child in the city? What was I thinking? Panic and regret, and you know, I was missing it. I was missing out on life in the present.

Fact is, Sydney is a city girl. The country makes her go, “Ewww!”  This is where I chose to live, and this is where I make the best of it.  I think I mentioned, I don’t do unhappy, and my longing? Just didn’t suit me. This was it.

It  turned out wonderfully.  Sydney has done great in the city. I have no clue why I worried. She is smart, well-adjusted and thrilled to live here. (well, okay, it’s not FAIR she is not an OU fan, but I digress)

I do love it here.  Do I miss the small town I was raised in? Yeah. I realize all the benefits a small town has to offer.  All the things I did as a child, that I wanted her to do,  and have memories of.  But why miss out on all the opportunities around me?  And there is a lot – museums, zoos, gardens. I found the greatness in it all. New memories, new traditions.

Time is zipping by, I’m not getting younger (big surprise, I know). I am celebrating with joy. Today will never come again. I’m not going to let anything hold me back, not my weight, not what people think, not my regrets, not my mistakes – Nothing. I’m taking hold of today and enjoying it.

What victory are you going to take hold of today? What regret are you going to put in your past for good? What is holding you back from enjoying this instant? Don’t miss the journey, don’t let life pass you by, accomplish, thrive, and live.

Timely moments

I have a thing I do (most days) that I’d like to share.

I have a hard time remembering to pray. I don’t mean talking to God. I talk to God all day, typically goes something like this……….

Good morning Lord , thank you for another day. Oh Lord, look at that sunrise, that’s you isn’t it? What a tradgedy, I heard on the news. Are you there? Are you comforting them? Thank you Lord for Jason, I am so proud of him. I only know him because you wanted me to. Lord the sky is such a beautiful blue how can there be so many blues? Incredible! And the sunsets? They really are your artwork. A tapestry only you can design. Lord thank you for letting me see that car before it turned into me. Thank you Lord, I can call my mother and hear her beautiful voice. Thank you Lord, for my stepdad I sure miss him but love remembering him. Lord, I am not worthy of your blessings, I can only thank Jesus for that.

……….you get the idea. I see God every day. I see him in my Sydney miracle. Miracle Digest: A Sydney Story I talk to him. He is part of my daily life.

What I mean, though, is pray from the greatest depths of my heart. I used to pray at night, like this, before I would fall asleep. That was then. Nowadays? An errant thought barely reaches my head before I’m out like a light. I needed to do more than that. I struggled with the timing of it.

Mornings were too rushed. Lunch times, too hungry. Bed time , too sleepy. Weekends equal errands, kids, exercise and outings. No matter what I did, I could not find that precious time to pray.

My heart yearned to pray. Each day would flash by and I would feel more and more disappointed. I had so much in my heart that I needed to pray about. It seemed like evil was against me. Robbing me of my time, that I needed, to keep my heart open.

I came up with a plan. I see a jillion clocks a day. What if I prayed every time the clock was all the same number. 1010. 1111. 1212. 111. 222. 333. 444. 555. Repeat in the evening times (if awake). What if I could pray, earnestly pray at least a few of those times a day? Would my life improve? Heart improve?

Well, let me tell you, It so did. My prayers are only a minute, or two. Quite often, only once or twice a day when I see the clock the same number. I pray for my family; for my daughter, for Jason, and his girls and even their mother. I pray for our love and the continued growth of our love. I pray for our children. That they are protected and guided. I pray they grow to know the love God has for them. I pray for good, and that evil be blocked. I pray for all of those hurting today.

It’s such a simple act, but it has changed my world. I know it’s not perfect. I know it could be more, but it’s working for me. It’s a timely moment, I give to God. It’s a moment that would have just passed by, unnoticed.

I urge you to give it a try and see what happens. Isn’t there someone that needs your prayers? Something on your heart?

Have a timely moment today. I know I will.