Live, Love, Laugh – Our First Dance

Dance as though no one is watching. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing as though no one is listening. Live like it’s heaven on earth.”

There were times when I felt my head would explode from the monstrous planning of all the little details in the wedding and at the reception. A good chunk of it during the weeks prior when my future mom-in-law got admitted to ICU. The stress, the worry, and the hurt; a huge ball of strain. It zapped our joy. Brought us to our knees. And frankly, I had no idea if our wedding day could be joyful through the hardships we were facing.

Every detail fraught with blood, sweat, and tears. Even as much as we loved each other, and were happy to be joining in marriage. I had concerns of being happy on our ten-ten-ten day. I had concerns of even having a wedding at all. I didn’t know if we could pull it off, and if we did, I didn’t know what it would be like. Everything tainted by the stress. Emotions raw.

Part of me didn’t want to finish on my own without Jason’s mom. Didn’t want to face the family married knowing she wouldn’t be there; couldn’t be there. I wondered if the details were even worth fulfilling. If they had value. If the cost was worthy. The time. The effort. The heartache.

But when I think back to the memories of that precious day, those details, and the glimpses of them in frozen seconds. I know. I know. Each and every one was truly worth all the planning.

The words ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ were hung on the wall by the cake table for the reception. I found them at Hobby Lobby the weekend before the wedding. Just a few words, but what a difference they made. It truly represented our union and how we live our lives. It is a reminder that through the good times and the bad, to keep loving, keep laughing, and never stop living. It reminds me of my blog which is so completely us and our family.

We didn’t have a first dance choreographed like we had hoped. That detail didn’t pan out, but it didn’t seem to matter. It worked out beautifully just dancing and singing without thought or pre-step.

Yes, we sang *like no one was listening. We danced *like no one was watching. And we braved loved again *like we’d never been hurt. It took a lot more work to do that than any of the wedding planning.

The song, Smile by Uncle Kracker played for our first dance, because I knew our day was not a sad day. It was a day to remember. A day to rejoice. A day to forget our past mistakes. To give our future to God and leave our fears and worries at the cross. It was a day to smile and bring our love to others. Especially the families brought together in marriage.

The day to..

    LIVE…..
    LOVE…..
    LAUGH…..

    What a blessing those little details turned out to be.

    More to come….

    *Photos by step-brother Kevin*

Don’t Give Up

And she is not. Sue is doing as well as can be expected. A few days after surgery, she got the breathing tube out and passed several neuro tests. She moved BOTH hands and legs, opened her eyes, and we were all very encouraged. She could answer in uh-huh, and nuh-huh. Although it wasn’t clear words, she did respond to I love you with the tone. They did warn she could get worse before better, and she did lessen her talking and moving the next day. We were prepared for that. At time of post they had put the breathing tube back in due to fluid build-up on her lungs. Again, this is normal in her type of recovery. If she can’t get deep enough breaths fluid could build up. The good thing is, she has top-notch care with the nurses micro-managing her. They have her comfortable and sedated so she is not in any pain. It is a long recovery road, but time is what she needs. The main thing is to NOT get pneumonia, so pray specifically for that.

Don’t give up was also the message at Jason’s brother’s Church this Sunday. We attended the service to watch the baptism of his youngest daughter. It is a theme I have stated quite often in the last few days and not always accomplished.

It started out as, “I can’t do this.” Do – being plan a wedding without Sue’s help. She had EVERYTHING and I do mean everything handled or planned. Locating that information is not possible since she can not communicate. Starting over? A very daunting task one week prior to the wedding and I do mean START ALL OVER. Food, cake, punch, and table linens. Did I mention we have 100 people coming?

As I dived deeper into it, I figured out even faster – I couldn’t do it. I wanted to cancel the wedding and say, “I give up.” I said this too many times to count and almost actualized it more times than I said it. There were LOTS of frustrated tears. On top of that, work is off the charts busy. I was there until 8pm on Friday night. When I finally get to Jason, he is laid up on the couch with a fever, chills, severe headache, and hard time breathing. It was awful.

He went to the doctor on Saturday and they gave him an antibiotics shot. I got a taste of being a real step-mom as I took the two little girls and Sydney with me everywhere. The bakery, the flower shop, and Hobby Lobby. They were such troopers and very, very good. Then we had to beat it over to the skating ring for one of Molly’s parties. Jason met us there and I dropped them off to do MORE shopping. Thank-you Hobby Lobby for the 50% bridal event sale. I think you saved me – literally.

I’d also like to mention Cooper St Bakery with a BIG thank-you. They took my order ONE WEEK prior to the wedding for both the Bride and Groom’s cake. I am amazed and thankful. The owner made sure we were taken care of. Tammy, I will highly recommend you guys for your efficiency and servitude.

And to my friend Karen, who loves cooking and planning, and eagerly agreed to do the food for the reception. Not only do it, but do an outstanding job, and happily. Thank-you Karen soooo much. You have been such a blessing to my life.

When I finally sat down this weekend, I made my fingers make 52 bows, 26 tulle, and 26 ribbon for pew markers. Now just to glue a pretty a flower and attach to pew holder – voila. And I just thought I wasn’t crafty.

My future step-brother is sewing hems on fabric for tablecloths. God love em’. He is sewing.

I got a speeding ticket this morning – oh, the irony.

Have I mentioned we still need our marriage license?

So glad, I have SIX MORE DAYS, because I really can’t take much more, but I’m NOT giving up.


The pastor ready to baptize my almost niece.


Molly and her cousin at the Church.

I love how children celebrate EVERY moment. They don’t worry. They don’t fret. They are not thinking of a hundred different things to get done, to do, or to not forget. They don’t think about who is sick, and who needs help. They just smile and laugh and play.

So I’m not giving up. I am going to do the best I can. I am not going to worry (much) and I am celebrating that we have today.

I am celebrating because, obviously, God has great plans for us.

Two Weeks from Today

You’ll find me here.

At this Church.

At this altar.
Walking past these windows.

To meet this man.

There will be joy (and dancing?).

Laughter.

And memories.


I might run. I might skip.

I might pirouette.

Two weeks.

It’s all coming down to those crazy final details. The head count. The reception decorations and table settings.

I know it will be imperfectly perfect. Things will go right. Things will go wrong. I will be relieved and saddened when it’s over. And married. We can’t forget that. I’m still debating on my name change. At first I was sure I was not changing my name, but keeping my maiden name. Now…I’m not sure. When I mention I am thinking of changing it, I see the gleam in his eye. A gleam that speaks of honor and pride. I was keeping my maiden name in memory of my Dad who passed this last December. He doesn’t have a grave. He was cremated. It was a way to honor him and remember him. But he is gone. And maybe, it’s time to move forward. Maybe it’s my future, I must hold on to.

Two weeks from today, you’ll find me under this stained glass. Saying I do to a man, the week after I met him more than two years ago, I deemed perfect – for me anyway. I hope you’ll send up a prayer for us and know that no matter how many times you get broken, God can heal the hurts and restore.

Oh, how he restores.

1 Corinthians 13

Love

1 What if I could speak all languages of humans and of angels? If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 What if I could prophesy and understand all secrets and all knowledge?
And what if I had faith that moved mountains? I would be nothing, unless I loved others. 3 What if I gave away all that I owned and let myself be burned alive? I would gain nothing, unless I loved others.

4 Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or 5 rude. Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do. 6 Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. 7 Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. 8 Love never fails! Everyone who prophesies will stop, and unknown languages will no longer be spoken. All that we know will be forgotten. 9 We don’t know everything, and our prophecies are not complete. 10 But what is perfect will someday appear, and what isn’t perfect will then disappear.

11 When we were children, we thought and reasoned as children do. But when we grew up, we quit our childish ways. 12 Now all we can see of God is like a cloudy picture in a mirror. Later we will see him face to face. We don’t know everything, but then we will, just as God completely understands us.

13 For now there are faith, hope, and love. But of these three, the greatest is love. .

Ivory Heaven: My Whimsical Wedding

My newest wordless wordful Wednesday obsession – all things wedding. I’m attending to the details as it comes down to the wire.

Countdown – eighteen more days until my 10-10-10 wedding (phew). Sweet biscuits! It’s been a loooong ten month engagement, and finally it’s almost here. I am extremely excited!

Here are a few teasers for all you wedding/picture fanatics (like me).


Wedding ring

Veil and dress detail, to the left is the flower girl’s hair wreath

Cake top doves in the background of the flower girl basket

Toasting glasses and shoes in the background

The magnitude of this wedding is definitely a dream come true for me. I haven’t been too bridezilla(ish). I think? I will be working with my future mom, Sue, this week on the table and Church decorations. We did the shopping last weekend and it was fun, fun, fun. I don’t know if I mentioned how wonderful this family is. How helpful, loving, and kind. I am very, very blessed and couldn’t ask for more than I have recieved to be included and accepted so lovingly.

Truth is; the surprising divorce Jason went through with his ex was very hard on all of them, and it wasn’t easy opening their heart again to a new person. It wasn’t easy trusting that he wouldn’t get his heart broken again, but trust they did to welcome me, and Sydney with open arms. I am eternally grateful for that.

I hope you all don’t get sick of me and my scrabbled egg wedding brain. In mid-October, I will be back to normal (?), or at least more normal blog posts, like more writing and stuff. HA.