Tag: writing

Not Exactly the Christmas Present I was Hoping For

On By AngeliaIn Mon Dieu! and all that stuff.36 Comments

I was holding out for a iPhone 6 Plus. And it was working out perfectly as planned. See our “upgrade” became available on November 4th. Right? Just in time for Christmas.

But instead, it looks like all my Christmas money gets funneled into the Gall Bladder Surgery Fund of 2014.

The fund that covers the removal of crappy gall bladder. The luxurious and all-inclusive day stay at the local hospital joint. This fund will save me from being ill all the time, because apparently, my gall bladder is full of sticks and stones. That *do* hurt me. And yes, it’s just stones, but feels like sticks in there too. Ouch!

I didn’t even know I was sick until I spent five days in Oklahoma with my sister. I had trouble with food. Seems like every place we ate made me sick. And come to find out, it wasn’t where we were eating (Ada’s Asian Buffet!). And it wasn’t the bag of Bit-o-Honey’s I couldn’t stop eating in the back seat of my sister’s car.

Nope, it wasn’t any of those things. It’s just my sucky gall bladder full of sticks and stones.

And now, nearly a month, and two gall stone attacks later, the doctor says it has to go.

I’m told I will feel ever so much better without it.

As the day of surgery draws closer (tomorrow!), I wonder what it will feel like not to have a tight band around my ribs. How it will be to have a normal stomach that doesn’t distend and feel grossly full after I eat. What it will be like to ditch the antacids and anti-nausea meds. The joy of not experiencing the twisting, charley-horse spasm while reclining on the sofa. All things I won’t miss and had no idea were even related to my gall bladder.

So maybe, they are right. Maybe losing the rocks will be a big weight off. BIG.

And although, it’s not an iPhone 6 Plus….at least I will feel normal again.

Photography 101 asked to see our bliss today. Maybe, it’s not a place close to me now, but this is definitely my bliss.

The beautiful Huntington Beach, California.

© 2014 Angelia's Photography

I took this on my last trip to California two years ago.

Tomorrow after my early Christmas present. If I am hurting at all, I will look at my bliss, hear the ocean waves, and smell the soft sea air. Ahhh…bliss!

A Letter to the Mother of my Step Children

On By AngeliaIn In the lives of children358 Comments

I know I am not the perfect step-in parent for your children. I make mistakes. I misjudge. I get frustrated, confused, and conflicted. It’s a tight wire balance of being too close and being too far.

I don’t want to overstep my boundaries. And yet, I sometimes lose track of the rule book. I don’t always know what to expect. And even when I think I do, I realize how far-off the beaten path I really am. I manage the best I can for them. Not necessarily as another parent, but someone who loves being in their life. Someone who cares for them, because I care for their Dad. But, I fail. I try. I fail. Then I brush myself off and hope you can forgive me.

From the first moment I met them, I wanted them to know I could never replace you, nor would I want to, or seek to. I have always felt that way.

I remember seeing a plump two-year old baby about six years ago. I wanted to scoop her into my arms and gobble up those chub chub cheeks of hers. Instead, I waited and watched, until she felt comfortable with me. It took more than a year.

At the same time, I met a precocious, wiser-than-her-years four-year-old, spitting spunk and sass. I wanted to take her hand and run off into the land of make-believe. Instead, I told her how mommy is magical and I would never have that magic, because her mommy is very special like that.

I want to guide them as much as I can without making waves or being a disciplinary figure. On the same note, I want to keep them safe. I want to protect them from the big scary world. I have the heart of a mother, but the mind of step mom. I want their dreams to come true. I want their success and happiness to follow them wherever they go.

And yet…

I am only a small part of their world. You are their caretaker, guide, and example. You are their lifeline, their planner, and the one who tucks them in. Your soul is part of those two little bodies. Even when it is not your weekend, you are very much part of their every second with us.

And because you are so much part of them? Two little people I adore… I adore you just as much. I appreciate you more than you know. I can’t imagine life without you, your ex, and those precious little people I get to hug and worry over.

So please know, although I mess up and forget to remind my husband of holidays, birthdays, and presents. Although, I don’t always reach out, in an effort to keep in, just know I hold your family dear to my heart. I am always here. Trying my best and admiring the hell out of you.

Thank-you for our two little stars who I get to watch grow into lovely young ladies. Thank-you for sacrificing so many things to give these kids a life with both parents taking part. And thank-you for your kindness in letting me be a small piece of their great big world.

This year I did not let Mother’s Day slip by unattended. I planned and I hope you love it as much as I love your two children. This is for you. I thought a vintage pearl might last longer than flowers or chocolate.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Drawing for Dad by the youngest daughter. I love how she didn't quite get us holding hands. So, she made a ring that connects us.
Drawing for Dad by the youngest daughter. I love how she didn’t quite get us holding hands. To make up for that she puts a circle between our hands to connect us, too. From the mind of a beautiful seven-year-old who wants her family holding hands. So sweet.

Writers Workshop: The Good Dad

On By AngeliaIn Into the Blender we go- Wee!24 Comments

1.) Father’s Day is coming! Share something you’ve learned from your husband about parenting. What makes him good at what he does?

What I can say about my husband’s parenting? It is ALWAYS done in kindness and fairness. He is not quick to anger. He does not yell out demands. He’d rather hug than hit. Give than take. And when the chips are down…..he will be there for you. He doesn’t waver in what he believes in. And he teaches our kids that respect and politeness are not just traits of a nice person, but a way to live.

My husband also taught me a lot about step-parenting. I get to SEE my childhood lived out through his relationship with my daughter. She was older when she met him (14), but it didn’t seem to make a difference in their relationship. She was very protective of him from the first time she met him (and still is). She didn’t want me to tease nice Jason, or be mean to nice Jason. We have a love meter (pre-marriage counseling days) on the fridge that she always checks to make sure it’s not on empty, and if so, WHAT am I doing to poor Jason??? Seriously, this is MY biological kid.

I was a little surprised by a teen’s bond to their stepfather, but as I watched over the four years, I can see how their relationships mirrors the one I had with my step dad (minus the good teen years).

I didn’t appreciate all the things my dad (step) did for me (until I was older). But SHE really gets it and appreciates it. Blows me away.

He took her practice driving – many times – while she was training for her license. He took her school clothes shopping, when I had to work and couldn’t take her. He helped her with MATH, no worse, pre-calc, algebra II, and other yuck stuff – too many times to keep track of.

He bought her a new bedroom set letting her pick it out, so when we moved in with him she had her “own” space. He, also, let her paint the walls in her own space a watermelon pink. He took her to get her license when the time came. He waited in line at the crazy DMV place, watched nervously as she parallel parked, and he celebrated with her when she earned her license and passed.

This year for her graduation and birthday, we used his frequent flyer miles for a trip to California. I used my hotel points for the hotel, and even though money has been non-existent, we squeezed out some spending money for food. That was a great gift for her…made possible by him.

When her car was totaled by a reckless driver earlier this year, she went without for three months. We are 10 miles from the school. I took her to school every day (on my way to work – no biggie). But he LEFT his busy important job (I’m being serious), as he is an IT manager at UTA, to get her from school and take her home – EVERY DAY (for three months). Then, he took her car shopping when she got the insurance money on her wrecked car. They ended up buying a brand new car that will last her through college and beyond. He financed the small amount insurance wouldn’t cover, so she could make the ridiculously low payments on what’s left (which will help her learn budgeting and responsibility). Trusting an eighteen year old – wow.

Through allllll that, do you know how much credit he gets for being her father and taking care of her? Keeping in mind he is just a STEP dad and not a real dad? Yeah. Not much.

Do you know how much he complains? Yeah. Never.

That is the job of a step-parent. You love. You provide. You give and give and give, whether you get it back, or not doesn’t matter. They are YOUR children too and you just love them with all your heart.

That is what he taught me about parenting. It is a self-less job. It a job you take on even if you don’t give birth to that child. It is one that brings great joy, despite any of the circumstances.

Sydney with her dad (left), me, and her step dad (right) at graduation

Sydney – just like me growing up – has a wonderful “real” dad too. Like me, she gets to experience the love and kindness of two wonderful fathers that care and love her with all their heart. I am so happy for her and how that turned out in her life.

Mama’s Losin’ It

When a Blog Dies

On By AngeliaIn Beautiful Life76 Comments

Does anyone attend its funeral?

Is there a wake?

Does it whither like a flower?

Fading…..Fading…..Fading…..

Or does it have one last bloom, one burst of color, before it ends?

I’m not sure how a blog dies. Or a friendship. Or anything else.

I supposed it just happens….

Fast. Slow. Weak. Strong. In a BURST……or a BLINK.

It’s just gone.

And life goes on.

Because really? There is a time for everything. For every purpose. For every moment.

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Ascribed to King Solomon (King James Version, 1611)

This blog is in one of these times and I am wondering if it’s season has passed.

I am wondering if it’s me? if it has lost its momentum.

I have blogged almost three years.

I gave my heart and soul to this blog, and I accomplished what I set out to do. MORE than, I thought I could do, or would do.

My heart is FULL. It is not sad. I am so proud of what I have done here and the memories I have created.

It’s been an amazing journey and I don’t want to drag it out. I want its end to be as amazing as its beginning.

I will miss blogging. I will miss it like missing a heartbeat. But I know I will treasure these documented moments. The good, the bad, and the always.

Thank-you so much for your generous comments, fabulous awards, and for sharing your soul with me.

I wish you a life full of blessings, and a heart full of laughter.

How does a blog die? One word at a time…….

The End.