guys – Living, Loving, Laughing….

There are signs for and against – that is, if you believe in “the one” – that you can pay attention to while dating your man.

I always wanted to tell my colorful dating stories, but since the engagement, I didn’t feel it was right to bring them up. But now that the wedding is only a few days away, I decided it would be advantageous to list qualities of “the one” versus qualities of “NOT”. The qualities of not, I learned while furiously dating. These are all true based on my past dates (scary as that is). But, these learning moments helped me know who “the one” was, hope it helps you too.

You meet him at the bar. He gets upset when you talk to another guy after you just met him. Hmmmm…probably not the one and by the way….check for an ankle monitor.

He lives with his parents because (of course), he is helping THEM out. He is almost thirty years old and still in college. I would suggest waiting about ten years for this one.

He is not homosexual (not that there is anything wrong with that), but what turns him on is pictures of guys. However, he is into girls. Um. Run. Run far, far away before he brings out a strap-on from his fantasy stash. Eeek!

He shows you an engagement ring a week after you meet him, then laughs and says he bought it for his wife before they split (but he loved the look on your face!). Same guy drives you three hours to meet his sister in Austin, because it’s the only family he has and he really wants you to meet her since you are “the one”. He warns she can be a little rough…..what ends up being rough was when her ex-boyfriend shows up (because she calls him to come get his paycheck) and when your guy answers the door, he starts beating him up. The cops are called and he tells the cops the guy hit him first, because you know, the cops will believe someone without a record over one with. It was a loooooong ride back with a guy sporting a busted lip (and still no record). Get away from this brute, and bully – pronto!

He gives you a ride to the airport when you work out-of-town for a week because – he is your boyfriend and that is what boyfriends do – but when your plane is delayed six times and you finally land at 12 am (after a long day, and long work week), he is nowhere to be found. Does not answer his phone. You have no way to get anywhere even if you do get a ride home from the airport, because your car is parked at his house. Not to mention getting to the Easter carnival at Church you are volunteering for in the morning. Nope, no way to get there either. Finally at two am, you give up and call your girlfriend who lives by the airport to come get you. Of course, that is when the idiot finally shows up – IN YOUR CAR – and doesn’t say a word. No apologies, nothing. He was, uh, sleeping (?). Hey girls, boyfriend is a cheater and he moved on in the WEEK you were out-of-town. Be SO glad for that.

He is in school to be an anesthesiologist and he takes massive amounts of Adderall……to study. Um. Wow.

He tells you he tapped the phone of his ex-wife and loaded spy ware on her computer to track her keystrokes, so he could find out if she was cheating on him, and she was. You know if have to go to those lengths, then I think your relationship is done long before the cheating started. You don’t get far enough to find out what he did to her car or if a spy cam was involved, but it probably was.

Sitting next to him in the movies, you have to turn your head from the stench of his dragon breath.

He tells you to park anywhere at his apartment complex when you meet him for your first date. Upon return from your last date, your car is missing. He asks if you parked under the covered strip. You answer yes. He replies that you probably got towed since those are reserved spots. Guess what? You car WAS towed and it takes all your grocery money as a single mom to get it out. It sure wasn’t worth the dinner and movie!

You meet him and he opens the car door for you. He has held the same job for eleven years. He has his own car. He has his own house. He talks lovingly of his mother. He speaks lovingly of the mother of his children. He will not date, nor consider a date the weekend he has his children, since that is their time together. He never gets “mad” about anything. He shows up when he says he will, and where he says he will. He is polite to waiters, waitresses, store clerks, and holds the door open for other people to enter. He has no record, not even with the DMV. He takes a teenage girl shopping for school clothes. TEEN + SHOPPING = BEATING. But he doesn’t complain. He cleans. He cooks. He will even give up a football game for you (if you asked) (like on your wedding day). He brings you beautiful cards – EVERY holiday.

Including your favorite chocolates….

You both love the mountains, and the beach, and everywhere else you can explore and roam together.

He buys you a platinum engagement ring.

He loves his children and yours.

He holds you through the death of two fathers within eighteen months.

He is kind, sweet, encouraging, loyal, and faithful.