A Defining Love

Love, some of us burst with it. I LOVE the sky, the sun, the moon. I LOVE to eat spaghetti with mushrooms! I apologize for the Dr. Seuss, it just came out. How Random!

Point is, it’s PASSION. Overwhelming – all out feeling passion. About living. About feeling. About basking in the glow of pure joy. I, myself, enjoy that part of me that gets awestruck. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I used to hold back (stop, I did!) but it’s just not me.

Last night, Jason and I attended a class at our Church. It’s called marriage foundations. They actually pair an engaged couple, or newly married couple with a long time married couple. For an hour and half in class you go over different things about founding a marriage that will last. Not one you try at, but one you DECIDE to be in for life. Then, as you learn things and go through the class, you have your mentors there to help as you go along. Not just in class, but anytime you might need help.

Now let me just say, I have been married twice. The first I tried at it, decided it wasn’t for me, and moved on. The second one, harder to explain, and it’s actually in another post if you want to look under the Joys of Writing tab. He was an atheist and I had no idea who or what I was.

Before I go rambling off topic (which is love by the way), I just want to say. I did not build a marriage in the first two. I did not work at it. I assumed being in love was all it took, falling out of love you divorced. SO..I’ve come a long way. And along that way, I discovered a God that loved me and wanted the best for me.

Marriage number three is not an easy thing to swallow at 38 (or 39 when we actually tie the knot). I will absolutely do anything to ensure our love foundation is STRONG. Not just for us, but for his two girls, and my daughter as well. Quite frankly, they deserve it. I will not put them through another divorce. Ever.

This class comes up and I’m emphatic we need to attend this. The timing is right, as long as his mom can keep the little girls for half an hour, which she can, and they are all thrilled about that. It’s only five weeks long, one night a week. Last night we went to class. Our first (and not last) effort to build a strong base for our lives.

Love. I love spaghetti. I love my spouse. Not the same kind of love is it? In Hebrew, he pronounced words for the three descriptions of love – uh not spaghetti love – but spouse love. Heh.

Raya-A friendship love. A soul mate love. A best friend love.

Ahava-A deep soul love. A love that hurts when you are away from them. A love that commits for life.

Dod-The uniting love of body, mind, and soul. Two become one. Intimacy.

Each represent a flame of love for each other. Together all three burn to form the hottest, most intense satisfying love between two people. A love that does not flicker, or extinguish. One flame by itself could be compromised. It’s not vigorous. It could burn, but not as intensely. Two flames could burn as well, but which of the three above would you chose to live without and still be happy? The answer, based on my experience, is none. It takes all three to sincerely love your spouse in the purest, most deserving way, not just for them, but for you too. It’s truly the way God wanted it to be. A unity, uniting together to be brighter, and fiercer.

As I was driving home, I felt ahava as I missed Jason very much. His graduate school is very hard and demanding. He has chapters to read and projects due. We are split between three households. His, mine, and the little girls who live with their mom. We really don’t have a lot of time together. I was comforted by this flame of love for him. I was comforted by a bright future times three, which got me thinking….

Three flames.

Three daughters.

Three tens.

Our marriage date, 10-10-10, time of ceremony 3:10pm. Coincidence? Or an undeniable design of a Trinity with God at the center. An impending covenant set alight by using each of us as an accelerant.

I had no idea about the three flames of love until last night. Now, it all makes sense. Love defined.

“Three things will last forever – faith, hope and love – and the greatest of these is love.
1 Cor 13:13

Update- If you’d like to watch the video and don’t mind spanish subtitles I have included here