A Letter to the Mother of my Step Children

On May 8, 2014February 4, 2015 By AngeliaIn In the lives of children358 Comments

I know I am not the perfect step-in parent for your children. I make mistakes. I misjudge. I get frustrated, confused, and conflicted. It’s a tight wire balance of being too close and being too far.

I don’t want to overstep my boundaries. And yet, I sometimes lose track of the rule book. I don’t always know what to expect. And even when I think I do, I realize how far-off the beaten path I really am. I manage the best I can for them. Not necessarily as another parent, but someone who loves being in their life. Someone who cares for them, because I care for their Dad. But, I fail. I try. I fail. Then I brush myself off and hope you can forgive me.

From the first moment I met them, I wanted them to know I could never replace you, nor would I want to, or seek to. I have always felt that way.

I remember seeing a plump two-year old baby about six years ago. I wanted to scoop her into my arms and gobble up those chub chub cheeks of hers. Instead, I waited and watched, until she felt comfortable with me. It took more than a year.

At the same time, I met a precocious, wiser-than-her-years four-year-old, spitting spunk and sass. I wanted to take her hand and run off into the land of make-believe. Instead, I told her how mommy is magical and I would never have that magic, because her mommy is very special like that.

I want to guide them as much as I can without making waves or being a disciplinary figure. On the same note, I want to keep them safe. I want to protect them from the big scary world. I have the heart of a mother, but the mind of step mom. I want their dreams to come true. I want their success and happiness to follow them wherever they go.

And yet…

I am only a small part of their world. You are their caretaker, guide, and example. You are their lifeline, their planner, and the one who tucks them in. Your soul is part of those two little bodies. Even when it is not your weekend, you are very much part of their every second with us.

And because you are so much part of them? Two little people I adore… I adore you just as much. I appreciate you more than you know. I can’t imagine life without you, your ex, and those precious little people I get to hug and worry over.

So please know, although I mess up and forget to remind my husband of holidays, birthdays, and presents. Although, I don’t always reach out, in an effort to keep in, just know I hold your family dear to my heart. I am always here. Trying my best and admiring the hell out of you.

Thank-you for our two little stars who I get to watch grow into lovely young ladies. Thank-you for sacrificing so many things to give these kids a life with both parents taking part. And thank-you for your kindness in letting me be a small piece of their great big world.

This year I did not let Mother’s Day slip by unattended. I planned and I hope you love it as much as I love your two children. This is for you. I thought a vintage pearl might last longer than flowers or chocolate.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Drawing for Dad by the youngest daughter. I love how she didn't quite get us holding hands. So, she made a ring that connects us. — Drawing for Dad by the youngest daughter. I love how she didn’t quite get us holding hands. To make up for that she puts a circle between our hands to connect us, too. From the mind of a beautiful seven-year-old who wants her family holding hands. So sweet.

Mom’s Overnight Casserole

On November 29, 2011November 29, 2011 By AngeliaIn In my heart forever & ever10 Comments

This is what you do if you have leftover Thanksgiving Turkey.

I went straight to Mom’s for this super secret, super yummy recipe.

What? You have no left-over turkey? That’s okay. Just copy or bookmark this post for next year, or for Christmas.

I’m easy. Whatever you’d like to try it with, just try it, it is delicious.

Not only have I copied the recipe for you, but I have provided the step-by-step instructions (with pictures – of course!).

This is my mom-in-law’s favorite dish to make for her boys after Thanksgiving..

It’s so easy….

Layer bottom of casserole dish with two cups of uncooked macaroni.

Add a cup of milk.

Two cans of Cream of Mushroom soup.

One cup of chicken broth.

8 oz. of cubed Velveeta Cheese.

{not pictured} 1 small onion chopped and 4oz can (or fresh) drained chopped mushrooms.

Mix well.

Add 2 1/2 cups of chopped(ish) pieces of turkey (or chicken).

Mix well.

Make breadcrumbs and have to the side. Wrap casserole and refrigerate overnight.

The next day leave out one hour, add bread crumbs to the top, and put in the oven at 350 for one hour.

After an hour….

Enjoy!

I don’t think pictures do it justice.

The taste is divine.

If you make it, please let me know what you think.

We had a great time cooking with mom and maybe that is what the best part is.

New family = new love = new recipes learned.

And we can pass those down to the next generation of children.

I love that.

Thanks Mom!

Celebrating Life

On May 8, 2011 By AngeliaIn Angelia's Photography, Beautiful Life19 Comments

I’ve started this post so many times in my head, but it never got anywhere. Between prescription runs, child drop-offs, working, and party planning – not to mention being emotionally and physically exhausted – I haven’t had much time.

But we did celebrate life. We celebrated my daughter’s 17th birthday. She made it. Despite the toocloseforcomfort call, I got to see her smiling face at 17. I swore THIS year, I would not cry on her birthday.

Because last year?…… Sixteen? WAS SO HARD. I cried a contact right out of my eye in the Hallmark store trying to find a card (Dang you! Hallmark!).

I just knew seventeen would be easier than sixteen, and the age itself is, just not the events leading up to it.

We were in such a shock state this past week. Everything was autopilot and scary. There were many emotional battles I faced – from being angry at the driver of the truck that hurt my family – to cringing at my husband’s cries of pain and worrying about my daughter’s hand. Worrying when she drove, and especially worrying when we were all in the car together.

I hadn’t planned or thought of her birthday at all. But at the last-minute, I took Friday off to get a pedicure with her after-school and do a little surprise birthday planning which included picking up her sisters from school and having them overnight.

What a surprise it was when she got home. And yes, she laughed. We laughed (at silly, fun decorations). Because life is sooo precious and laughter is sooo healing.

Party decorations for Sydney’s 17th (yes, she does LOVE Justin Bieber).

Seventeen years young and absolutely gorgeous!

Two of our very VIP guests. My beautiful step-daughters.

Molly gets into the decorations and has a ball being a mini-teen (just like her idol sister). Note- outfit in above pic complete with phone in hand.

Bridget, the youngest step-daughter, always gives me a smile no matter what she does. The smile lollipops are for Justin Bieber’s song, You smile, I smile which also played at our wedding.

Sydney’s favorite cake…..Cold Stone Chocolate Chip Cookie dough…….HEAVENLY!

Another year, I will never forget.

Birthday card by Molly. Complete with her favorite animal the Cheetah. Isn’t that the cutest thing??

This is Sydney’s sweet boyfriend Brandon. He did the best job wrapping a gift for her and picking out cute stuff. I was very impressed!

All the girls on Sydney’s birthday.

It meant the world to me to have them all together for Syd’s birthday (I really can’t thank their mom enough to give them up on her weekend). I kept counting them, looking at them, and hugging them. We had this wonderful night to celebrate life and give thanks for our family…. truly amazing memories.

Our lives may never be the same, but we are all here and we celebrated that.

Today, Mother’s day, was also incredibly special; being mom to Sydney and getting to spend the day with her. It was also my first year as step-mom, and although I didn’t get to see the little girls, I have them in my heart, along with every precious moment we have shared.

My heart is so very, very full.

Celebrating every second.

Hope you all had a fabulous weekend.

A Blink After Birth

On August 24, 2010August 24, 2010 By AngeliaIn Beautiful Life, In my heart forever & ever39 Comments

When I was a little, my favorite story my mom would tell me, was about the day I was born.

Angelia Elizabeth – born August 23, 1971 – 420pm

As often as I could, I would beg her to tell it to me, again and again. Maybe, it was for the closeness we shared. Maybe, it was because my mom told it with such heart, and soul. Maybe, it was because I got to snuggle with her under the covers in her big brass bed. She would wrap me up and stroke my hair as she began to quietly speak. Transfixed, I would listen as she recounted the day with perfect clarity.

My mom, your Grandma Dorothy, died while I was pregnant with you. I was only 29 years old. We were very close and I loved her so much. It was devastating to me. But I had your two brothers, and sister to take care of. I could not grieve forever. As much as I would miss her, I had to do the best I could for my family. You were five months in my tummy when I said good-bye for the last time.

The months went by as slow and hard as I thought they would be. The emptiness and loss were a hole I could not fill. The boys were a handful, but thankfully your sister, age eight, was a BIG help. She wished and wished for a baby sister and not a brother. I told her how sorry I was but I didn’t think I could have any more girls. I wanted a girl more than anything but just couldn’t get my hopes up. It seemed the last possible thing in the world. But in my dreams, I couldn’t help but picture a big brown-eyed baby girl.

Two weeks from your due date the doctor informed me that he would go ahead and induce labor. He felt it was time. I had not gained much weight. I was too thin and too unhealthy. In my harrowing days, I had not taken very good care of myself. It was losing my mom. It was raising three children. It was so many things.

I couldn’t believe after laboring all day the moment of your arrival came, and the doctor announced, “It’s a girl!” I told him, “It can’t be! I can’t have any more girls.” The doctor just laughed. “Of course you can have more girls and you did. Just look at her.”

And there you were….a girl. What I wanted for so long. You were so pretty. You had BIG brown eyes that peered up at me like an Owl. And you were tiny too, only 5lbs 12oz, the smallest baby I ever had. Your thin blond downy fuzz on your head was so soft, and how I loved to count your precious little fingers and toes. Oh, I was amazed and in love. I only wished my mom could be there to meet you.

Back in those days, the babies would lay in the nursery while the mom recovered in her room from the medicines and birth. I was laying there in my hospital bed thinking of you, when I sensed movement at the door. And there she stood. My mom. She was standing there looking at me with such love and adoration shining from her face. She looked me right in my eyes and said, “Oh Sharon, you did it again. She is beautiful and just like you dreamed she would be with big brown-eyes. I’m so happy you got your girl.”

I was startled. My heart jolted at the sight of her. I did what any normal person would do, I closed my eyes, and I shook my head. When I opened them, she was gone.

Oh how I wished I had not closed my eyes. I wish I would have kept them open and talked to her. I wish…I wish…I wish….but I didn’t and just like that, she wasn’t there. But she WAS there. Really there. It wasn’t a dream. It was a moment, I will never forget, for the rest of my life.

Her story is both heart-wrenching and joyful. I am usually crying with her, and for her, at the end. In my heart of hearts, I know my Grandma met me. She gazed at me through the glass. She lovingly reached for my downy head and stared into my big eyes. Oh Grandma, I heard so much about you. What you must have done to visit your daughter in a gesture of comfort, a gesture of reassurance, and a gesture of compassion that you were still there in her deepest period of loss. How much you loved us all. I know one day we will meet in heaven, all of us, and no blink will take that moment.

In loving memory of my mom’s mom, Grandma Dorotha Marie.
Grandma holding my sister, 1963