Tale of the Wump Lump Bumps

*Warning, the pictures might gross you out.*

*Warning, this is a true story.*

*Warning, are you still reading? Are you sure?*

*Warning, this is your last warning.*

Tale of the wump lump bumps is a behind the scenes look at what was happening during, and after my 100th post. I’ve been having the itchies on and off since the end of May. The original wump lump was on the inside of my wrist. I thought when I moved some boxes around in my garage, I got bit by a spider. It swelled up like a goose egg. Then it magically disappeared. Strange!

Off and on after that, these wump lump bumps would rear their ugly head, itch madly, then leave without a word. What in the world? I became friends with them. Prayed they weren’t scabies or some other microscopic friend. As long as they packed their humps and headed off to wump lump land of a thousand mounds. I just didn’t care. And they did. Bye, bye, bye!

That is until a week ago……

This rude inconsiderate wump decided to pitch a tent on the back of my shoulder. The NERVE! Dude! Not only that, but he must have been pretty darn trashy because he ITCHED, and ITCHED, and ITCHED! Ouch!!!! The girls at work took this pic with my iPhone. Their faces were twisted in horror. Was I turning into a leper?

Now earlier in the day, it’s twin brother camped behind my EAR. That wasn’t nice. So now, he has moved on and the double mint wump lump comes up on my back. I go to Jason’s after work. My little lumpy intruder has decided to go all boomer land run and claim more of my SKIN! The lump wump bump grows up my back and neck. I could not even turn my head to the right it was so swollen. This picture is later the same night.

Now, I am very healthy. I have been blessed with very little ailments. Even if I get a cold (once or twice) every few years, it’s not too bad. I can name on one hand the bad sicks I’ve had. When I got viral food poisoning from raw oysters. When I got a terrible chest cold coughing so bad – and so long – I cracked a rib. It took a steroid inhaler to cure it. And until THIS, those were the worst things I have ever had to deal with.

I had no idea what was going on here because, normally, the wump lumps went home. Happy sated and rested up from their vacation. But these, they were getting angry, growing hot, and out of control. No amount of cream, nor Bendaryl, would appease them. I even tried CHOCOLATE – the cure all to end all. Of course that made me happy. Them? Not so much.

Then the wump lump junk impregnated my forearms. Either that, or the family got a divorce. They started out the size of mosquitoes, but they grew. These grew abnormally fast. They graduated (remarried) in an hour, turned 21 within two, gave birth to multiples of multiples. Now I think they are expecting grand wumps, or they opened a school of itch.

Um, ouch? I took two more Benadryl and crashed at Jason’s. He didn’t want me to leave. What if my insides swelled up? What if I stopped breathing? Who would know? No one, that’s who. And scarily enough, something very similar happened to my best friend from high school’s husband of twenty years. He broke out in hives and within hours ALMOST died. He was saved by the fact that she knew something was horribly wrong and got him to the emergency room – barely in time. I’m not kidding, it was a close call. And what was it? An allergic reaction. To what? Who knows? See! Scary stuff.

I promised him if I still had the village of the wump lump bumps torching my place the next morning, I would GLADLY go to the doctor.

Here I am at the doctors office the next morning. This lump wump bump really outdid himself. He must have feasted all night because he grew the entire length and width of the inside of my forearm. This is just ONE arm. The other forearm didn’t want to be left out. It had it’s own wump lump sump monster. Both were a nice shade of purple red. Both were firecracker hot, and did I mention they itch? Horribly.

The doctor was pretty stunned. They administered a steroid shot. He promised I’d feel halfway normal within an hour or two. I did. Thank GOD. The wump lump forearm twins faded to purple. See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.

I wore long sleeves. I never wear long sleeves. I am always hot, but believe me it was better if the remains were covered up. Give the family some time to grieve in private. The wump lump bumps were heading to heaven (I hoped).

Like any normal survivor of the wump lump bumps, I decided to go shopping. I know, right? I bought this.

Nikon D3000 with the additional 55m-200m lens, a camera case, a tripod, and a warranty for when I drop it. I got free photo classes thrown in, because this is SOME kind of camera. Oh it’s completely user friendly, but there is so much more to it, if I can learn the manual settings as well.

As for the wumpy lumpy bumpy junkys? Well, I haven’t seen them. But I feel them every day. They ITCH. Still. My skin turns red. It’s like I stepped in fire ant pile. Burning, and itching to no end. Still wearing long sleeves helps, but any kind of elastic fires off the rash of 1,000 bites. Of course, I have no explanation for why my head itches. I finally broke down the other night shaking, and weeping. Thank God for Jason’s arms and his reassurance. He was right there, holding me, and letting me cry. Because after a week of itching and burning, I could take no more.

I have been on steroids to keep their little nasty selves off of me. I take Benadryl at night to ease some of the discomfort of itching. Yesterday at work, I had to leave early. I clawed my chest up. It hurts to itch. Stress seems to magnify the nerve endings.

I am seeing the doctor this afternoon. It is probably my Thyroid they are trying to get working (not working) properly from the Grave’s Disease. We knew it wouldn’t be easy. I am grateful that I know what it’s like to feel like an alien. I have met many people with skin diseases. I get it now. It’s not fun.

It’s the most uncomfortable thing in the world. So, if I haven’t been by your blog like usual. This is why. My fingers are itching, or I’m in la la land from the Benadryl. And if you see the wump lump clan? Tell them to take a hike. Preferably to the land of no return.

I’m Radioactive

Well, I’ve gone and done it now haven’t I?

Does this look like a hospital bracelet? Why YES! Yes it is, and see that’s my keyboard. I’m actually at work. I ESCAPED, Mwahahahahah!

Well, truth of it is, I was at the hospital this morning bright and early (730am). I got to register, and find out how much my Christmas present to myself was going to be. It is way, way, way too much. Basically, I get a diagnosis, and a treatment. Which in the end will make me feel better, right? You can’t beat a present like that. A radiology test. I’m just too good to myself. Thanks self!

Allow me to explain, a week ago when I found out about my dad. I had an appointment at the endocrinologist where I found out I have hyperthyroidism. See my foodie-ism has a name after all.  Along with my hot flashes, rashes, moods swings, appetite and heart pounding stress. It was not just my age (aka getting old). It was actually a thyroid going berserk (phew!).

The Doctor scheduled a radioactive iodine image test to determine which thyroid ailment I have. Apparently, the dye goes through the thyroid and leaves it’s tell-tale signature (so I hope). They read it, then the doc can treat it. But first, I have to SWALLOW radioactive iodine (ahhhh!).

Yeah. That’s a little scary. The instructions were no food or drink after midnight (I had a TINY sip of water at 1205am-Sorry!).  They did NOT say no Mexican food, nor one lil ol’ margarita for dinner (gee, I hope I don’t mess this up). Then, come in at o dark thirty (NO COFFEE) to the hospital. So I do so, begrudgedly.

And I get pulled over by the hospital police.  Yeppers, I did. I am very sorry officer. I was just looking for where to park and didn’t really notice the people trying to cross at the crosswalk. I mean, obviously, I stopped at the stop sign cross walks, but not the other four in between (that’s a lot of cross walks). Ooops. Thank you for taking pity on me. It was very sweet of you to think I was a new hire. 

I get inside and  fill out a mountain of paperwork. This is the same hospital I had my daughter in. They still had my records (15yrs ago!). Then, they send me to the basement (never a good thing), where they take me to a room (padded cell). They ask me a zillion times if I’m pregnant or could be pregnant.

I answered a ZILLION times, NO, not possible. I have no fallopian tubes. But I am glad they are thorough. Can you imagine if that happened to someone? (shudder) The nurse explains everything about the procedure. Then, she asked the other zillion dollar question. Have I had ANY fish or shellfish in the last seven days. I have not, and I really missed my Sushi night (pout).

The nurse gingerly holds a tube (lead encased-I’m sure) with gloves on. She ever so lightly taps a pill into a medicine cup. I am having the hardest time not squirming away. The pill was ORANGE (aahhhh!). She tells me to throw it back in my throat and swallow. DO NOT TOUCH THE PILL (whimper). Like a Champ,  I toss that sucker back, and OH YES IT DID GET STUCK, right on the back of my tongue. I take a drink, STILL STUCK, then it moves to the roof of my mouth, and FINALLY down the hatch.

Crap! How is it supposed to go down your throat when your mouth is like sandpaper after no food or drink? I just radioactivated my brain and my teeth. Wonderful. The second pill went down much easier, thank goodness.

Then I waited to start glowing or something. Seriously, my vision is a little hazy (that could be the 4 hours sleep). For today and tonight, I am not allowed any dairy products, fish, nor can foods. I am supposed to eat “fresh”.  For me, that’s worse than eating nuclear pills.  A veggie fresh diet? Well, maybe it will start something good. I go back tomorrow and they will do images of my neck. Weee!

As for blogging, I am trying to get back in the swing of things, after a week away. Sydney leaves for Mississippi on December 19 until January 4. Our Christmas with Jason, the girls, and Kyle is December 18. FOUR days! I have four days to shop and that’s all. We know what gifts we are getting her. It’s just getting it. Yeah, that.

It’s also Jason’s birthday month. He is a New Year’s Eve baby. Isn’t that the sweetest? I decided to gift him a present every day for his birthday month. They are not big presents, but I attach a little note to each one, to let him know how special he is. It’s not easy to have a gift EVERY day. I really am putting thought into them (well…some are thoughts of HIM sharing, HEH). His birthday is so close to Christmas that I concluded- what better way to make it special and unique – at least I’m trying to. I think I have up to day #18 packaged. I have another weeks worth ready to be wrapped. It has been soooo fun. I have loved doing this.

I have some wonderful blog posts in the drafts that I haven’t had time to write.  Another timeless one, a bloggy bling parade, and a gift of Christmas that will touch your heart. As well as, a few pictures from our outing to Bethlehem Revisited on Saturday night with the kids.  As soon as all the hospital visits, shopping,  and gifting slow down, I will happily get them done. 

 In the meantime, don’t turn down your screen. It’s just me pulsating with my radioactive self.