police – Living, Loving, Laughing….

This is not just a regular school zone with the blinking 20 miles per hour yellow lights. A caution to go the speed limit because children (big kids) are walking, crossing, and hip hopping to school. Alright strike the hip hop, teenagers are not morning people. Point is, it’s a school zone. Point is, that’s pretty much a requirement to slow down.

Unless…..you are a teen driver that is, then you see this.

Or maybe you are a mad mom in a mini-van, you’ve got three other kids to get to school, a PTA council coffee you are late for, and a nail appointment right after. SO GET OUT OF THE WAY, PEOPLE!

No matter what you are.

Know this. Take heed to my warning and take it very, very seriously. Driving in a High School school zone is hazardous to your health. They should have portable defibrillators in the parking lots.

First off, no one slows down to twenty. Not at this school anyway. No one comes to a complete stop before leaving the parking lot and turning on the street. Not even a California stop. It’s a straight up gas it and go while you peal out and these are the moms, not the teens.

No the teens like to run late to school (seniors), therefore when you wait in line patiently to turn into the one way side of the lot, they come screeching from the TURN lane, narrowly miss your front bumper as the car careens, on two wheels and air, to the parking spot in the visitors slot right in front of the school.

Casually, they stroll out of the car (while you are still sitting there mouth hanging open) with their Bon Jovi hair in a toss and skinny jeans.The nerve! They didn’t even look my way or wave an apology. Huh!

Heck, this is all happening just getting INTO the school. Then, as I wait in line to get to the right spot in front of the school. Never mind all the right spots I already passed. My daughter will NOT get out of the car at any other spot. Just this one spot. What’s so special about that spot? I don’t know! But rather than push her out of the car, I wait until I arrive at the magic spot and she exits the car. Hallelujah!

Now I have to get OUT of the lot. My palms are sweating. I grip the wheel and frantically look around for the mad moms switching lanes (in front of school with kids jumping in and out of cars). Hello? Escaping them, I pull up to the exit lane only to get cut off by the mad career moms coming from the super secret entrance on the other side. Racing to get out MY exit when they see the never-ending exit line for the lot they came from. I don’t know about you, but I tend to yield to a Jag.

One car after another, I get to the exit. I look both ways hoping for clear, so I can just shut my eyes and floor it before a speeder comes racing through the blinking yellow lights on one side, or a teen driver out of NO WHERE from the opposite side. Just when I think it’s okay, a big RAM truck blocks my view by pulling up next to me. Oh. Em. Gee.

Finally, I punch it out of the lot and get past the last turn of double line cars with angry teens and moms. I barely miss a teen jumping out of the car stopped in the STREET. I mean they didn’t want to wait in the car lines, I get it. But seriously, how safe is that? Then, the mom does an illegal u-turn on the street to go back the other direction, all this in a school zone. YIKES.

Anxious, heart suffering irregular beats, I FLOOR IT out of there, make the turn without signaling to the road that takes me to freedom. AWAY FROM THE HIGH SCHOOL. I can breathe easy. Shooooooooooooooooo.

As my mind clears, I always have the same thought. WHERE ARE THE POLICEMEN? Why do they not have their ~~stun guns~~ radar guns out?

Well, it’s kind of country here. Apparently the two patrolmen on duty have appointments in the morning. Not saying a word about that.

See, everyone knows you can speed, turn illegally, let your kids out in the middle of the street, and in general obey no traffic laws at that time of day, because no one will be there. But hey, they are just teenagers, riiight?

So can I just say, HOW GLAD I am, that on Friday. My non-driving Freshman, then Sophomore exited the car in the hazardous school zone for the LAST TIME. School is out. My drop off duty fulfilled. My health and nerves get a summer break. AND as long as she passes her driver’s license exam (pleasepasspleasepasspleasepass), I am hazard zone FREE! Oh, she is passing alright, we are going at 730am and guess what? I’m bringing donuts.

Good-bye cruel school (zone that is)! I won’t be missing you…..ever.

Well, I’ve gone and done it now haven’t I?

Does this look like a hospital bracelet? Why YES! Yes it is, and see that’s my keyboard. I’m actually at work. I ESCAPED, Mwahahahahah!

Well, truth of it is, I was at the hospital this morning bright and early (730am). I got to register, and find out how much my Christmas present to myself was going to be. It is way, way, way too much. Basically, I get a diagnosis, and a treatment. Which in the end will make me feel better, right? You can’t beat a present like that. A radiology test. I’m just too good to myself. Thanks self!

Allow me to explain, a week ago when I found out about my dad. I had an appointment at the endocrinologist where I found out I have hyperthyroidism. See my foodie-ism has a name after all. Along with my hot flashes, rashes, moods swings, appetite and heart pounding stress. It was not just my age (aka getting old). It was actually a thyroid going berserk (phew!).

The Doctor scheduled a radioactive iodine image test to determine which thyroid ailment I have. Apparently, the dye goes through the thyroid and leaves it’s tell-tale signature (so I hope). They read it, then the doc can treat it. But first, I have to SWALLOW radioactive iodine (ahhhh!).

Yeah. That’s a little scary. The instructions were no food or drink after midnight (I had a TINY sip of water at 1205am-Sorry!). They did NOT say no Mexican food, nor one lil ol’ margarita for dinner (gee, I hope I don’t mess this up). Then, come in at o dark thirty (NO COFFEE) to the hospital. So I do so, begrudgedly.

And I get pulled over by the hospital police. Yeppers, I did. I am very sorry officer. I was just looking for where to park and didn’t really notice the people trying to cross at the crosswalk. I mean, obviously, I stopped at the stop sign cross walks, but not the other four in between (that’s a lot of cross walks). Ooops. Thank you for taking pity on me. It was very sweet of you to think I was a new hire.

I get inside and fill out a mountain of paperwork. This is the same hospital I had my daughter in. They still had my records (15yrs ago!). Then, they send me to the basement (never a good thing), where they take me to a room (padded cell). They ask me a zillion times if I’m pregnant or could be pregnant.

I answered a ZILLION times, NO, not possible. I have no fallopian tubes. But I am glad they are thorough. Can you imagine if that happened to someone? (shudder) The nurse explains everything about the procedure. Then, she asked the other zillion dollar question. Have I had ANY fish or shellfish in the last seven days. I have not, and I really missed my Sushi night (pout).

The nurse gingerly holds a tube (lead encased-I’m sure) with gloves on. She ever so lightly taps a pill into a medicine cup. I am having the hardest time not squirming away. The pill was ORANGE (aahhhh!). She tells me to throw it back in my throat and swallow. DO NOT TOUCH THE PILL (whimper). Like a Champ, I toss that sucker back, and OH YES IT DID GET STUCK, right on the back of my tongue. I take a drink, STILL STUCK, then it moves to the roof of my mouth, and FINALLY down the hatch.

Crap! How is it supposed to go down your throat when your mouth is like sandpaper after no food or drink? I just radioactivated my brain and my teeth. Wonderful. The second pill went down much easier, thank goodness.

Then I waited to start glowing or something. Seriously, my vision is a little hazy (that could be the 4 hours sleep). For today and tonight, I am not allowed any dairy products, fish, nor can foods. I am supposed to eat “fresh”. For me, that’s worse than eating nuclear pills. A veggie fresh diet? Well, maybe it will start something good. I go back tomorrow and they will do images of my neck. Weee!

As for blogging, I am trying to get back in the swing of things, after a week away. Sydney leaves for Mississippi on December 19 until January 4. Our Christmas with Jason, the girls, and Kyle is December 18. FOUR days! I have four days to shop and that’s all. We know what gifts we are getting her. It’s just getting it. Yeah, that.

It’s also Jason’s birthday month. He is a New Year’s Eve baby. Isn’t that the sweetest? I decided to gift him a present every day for his birthday month. They are not big presents, but I attach a little note to each one, to let him know how special he is. It’s not easy to have a gift EVERY day. I really am putting thought into them (well…some are thoughts of HIM sharing, HEH). His birthday is so close to Christmas that I concluded- what better way to make it special and unique – at least I’m trying to. I think I have up to day #18 packaged. I have another weeks worth ready to be wrapped. It has been soooo fun. I have loved doing this.

I have some wonderful blog posts in the drafts that I haven’t had time to write. Another timeless one, a bloggy bling parade, and a gift of Christmas that will touch your heart. As well as, a few pictures from our outing to Bethlehem Revisited on Saturday night with the kids. As soon as all the hospital visits, shopping, and gifting slow down, I will happily get them done.

In the meantime, don’t turn down your screen. It’s just me pulsating with my radioactive self.