There’s an App for THAT?!?

Oh yes, my friends, there is an app for the girly time of the month. If you are male, you should probably stop reading, go pick up a hammer, and do some grunting.

Now back to the girls, my sixteen-year old daughter, of all people, told me about this app. You input your time of the month start date into your handy-dandy calendar. Like so…

It will then track your length, time, duration and everything else you hate about having a period.

Then, it does the other times of the month. Ovulation, fertility, and a few other things *wink wink*. I wish there had been one of these when I was trying to get pregnant fifteen years ago.

You can input your aches and pains. Not real sure why this is important. A form of memory torture? Yeah, I remember the cramps that day. Owww……. %$&*(…..and the zit that month was a HUGE-O-MUNGUS.

You can even pick an icon to represent the day. Now personally for me, I would pick the angry icon. I mean, hello?!, period – feel crappy for five days – yeah.

So I have used the app for a few months, and being I am almost *coughcough* forty. I tend to forget things like WHEN my period is. I can usually tell by [insert angry icon here]. And how prickly my skin gets in a crowd of people.

Now, it’s brilliant! I don’t have to rely on my spidey sense. I can just go to my app; aka Period Tracker (aptly named-heh).

I’ll admit it comes in handy and it’s kinda fun. A little girly time of the month techno geek style.

Until you see this……


Now before you do flips and start rubbing my tummy and giving me that look, you know? That one……

The one I got a few weeks ago at Wendy’s eating lunch with Jason and the girls. I hadn’t seen the nice older Church couple since before the wedding. When she asked if congratulations were in order, I thought (wrongly) she meant the wedding. Um. Oops. Yeah, sorry. I went hypothyroid last endocrinologist visit. That’s the one that makes you GAIN weight. Nice, huh? I hadn’t seen her in a while and she thought…..yeah…..soooooo embarrassing.

And how do you move out of that situation? Um, have a nice lunch (awkward!).

But back to the app, which is totally and absolutely OFF it’s rocker.

I am not late (well I might be), but I am most definitely not pregnant like the screen screams – late! late! late!

I don’t have the “plumbing” to have any more babies (fallopian tubes). So if I was, it would be Jesus Jr.

Sometimes, maybe there shouldn’t be an app for THAT?!? Or at least add a heart defibrillator for that moment of what?!?.

13 thoughts on “There’s an App for THAT?!?

  1. I used to think that these apps were just ridiculous. Then it dawned on me that they might be for the opposite sex. I was thinking that the male in the relationship might want to track the woman’s cycles so as to know when to steer clear or bring home chocolate or whatever may be required.

    I didn’t REALLY think they were for women to use.

    There really is an app for almost everything.


  2. That would be great for me because I never remember when I started, if I’m late, whatever. My periods are totally unpredictable. It would be great if it also texted the rest of my family as a warning. It should probably flash red and play sirens.


  3. Love Terrapruit’s comment! Nice one. I think the app would have told me for the whole of my life that I was pregnant, having NEVER been anywhere near onn time, lucky for me because they only happened every couple of months or so. Sadly no I’m nearly 50 they have decided to be as regular as clockwork so I feel rubbish every month instead of every couple of months…

    Enjoy the journey.



  4. Maddy

    Wow!! That i brilliant! I’m terrible of keeping track, so I’m always caught “by surprise”! This would be perfect for those trying to conceive too.


  5. This is too funny! But, my youngest, at 13, has not gotten her “Friend” yet so this might be fun for her to use since she is obsessed with cramps, etc. Remember when you wanted to get your period – for the first time? Snowing here AGAIN in NY – two hour school opening delay – at least I can catch up on some blog reading!
    Have a great weekend,


  6. These apps are good even if you are not trying to get pregnant. When I was on the pill i didnt have to remeber bc the pack of pills told me when the time was coming. Now, i have so much going on tracking my period is the last thig on my mind. the app i use is MY DAYS. very cool app, you can track the period, ovulation, BMT, add notes to your calendar. pretty cool stuff!


  7. I love how they have an icon for “optimal love making!” But, why oh why, was there no little heart on your calendar screen?!? I think your app is sabotaging your love life! The reminder about being late is hysterical.


  8. Oh how funny! I might have to have this one, just because it makes me laugh.
    So sorry about the thyroid. Mine was hyper for years. The hubby says I collect disorders! I finally had it zapped so now it is dead all together -meaning I have to be drugged for hypo. Can’t seem to find a happy place yet with the meds, but they always do eventually. They will work yours out too.


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